A Fallen Star, Kira Yamato
by Akanekurochi
Summary: Mai Zala -a 16, blue haired singer from the PLANTS- has decided to throw herself into the middle of war, but not the way you would think. Because of her decision to join the Earth Alliance, will her relationship between her brother ever be the same again?
1. Entry One

**A Fallen Star ( Kira Yamato) Entry One**

So, this is the first of many chapters coming for a Gundam Seed story, and it's also the worst. Haha, don't worry though, it gets _much_ better. I also have some on Quizilla, if you didn't want to wait for me to upload here.

* * *

_Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron. __  
__Dwight D. Eisenhower _

**ENTRY ONE : BEGINNING**

A soft humming echoed throughout the halls of the mansion, which only one person stood. A maid, holding a tray of food in her hands. Inside one of the rooms lay a girl, with shoulder-blade length blue-black hair and light blue eyes. From the window she could see the layout of the PLANTS. Thoughts of her brother still fresh in her mind. Was he safe? She didn't know. It had been two weeks since she had seen him last. She sighed, sat up and stared out that window. She wore a red sweater with a white cross on the front, a black skirt and black stockings. A knock from the door brought her back to reality.  
"Miss Mai. Your dinner is ready." Her maid said from behind the door.  
"I'm not hungry." She yelled back.  
"But Miss Mai, if you don't eat, your father will punish me."  
Again she sighed. "Fine, I'll take it."  
Mai stood and walked over to the door, which opened when it sensed her. Seeing the maid Mai took the tray from her hands, thanked her, and stepped back into her room. The door closed behind her, and she set the tray on her desk before sitting back down on the bed.  
She turned to the creature watching her from the desk. A black robot cat created for her by her brother. "Mew?" It sounded.  
Mai smiled at it.  
"Oh, Mewmo..."  
There was another knock on her door several minutes later.  
"What now!" She snapped, thinking it was the maid again. It's not that she was mad at the people around her, more or less the worryfor her brothers well being.  
"Miss Mai," A male's voice answered, "there's someone here to see you." That voice belonged to a soldier.  
She sighed and walked to the door again. When Mai stepped outside her room, she asked, "Who is it?" "Follow me." He said as he turned and walked down the hall. She ran to catch up.  
She followed him down the boring white hallway's, only seeing a soldier or a maid every once in a while, untill they reached a very large room, where several other hallways lead out to different area's.  
"Where are they?" Mai asked the soldier.  
"Over there." He said, and motioned towards a boy with his back turned to them.  
The boy was wearing a red ZAFT uniform, and he held a briefcase in his hand. She recognised him the second she saw him.  
"Athrun!" She called to that boy. Without thinking she ranto him, and he turned and saw her. Tears came to her eyes, but they didn't fall.  
The boy dropped his suitcase and embraced her.  
"Did you know how worried I was Athrun!" She said hurriedly, "You've been gone for weeks and I - "  
He cut her off. "It's okay, Mai. I'm fine." He chuckled. "Well, I will be when you let go so I can breath."  
Seconds later, Mai realized what he meant, and let go of him.  
"It's so great to have you back, Athrun."  
"Yeah. It's great to be back."  
Mai and Athrun Zala. Twins, and only 16.

Mai and Athrun walked together down the halls back to her room, talking about the time they  
missed.  
"So how long are you staying this time, Athrun? A couple weeks, maybe?" She asked.  
"72 hours." He answered softly.  
"What! That's only 3 days! That's hardly enough time!" She said with a pout, upset.  
They reached Mai's room minutes later, and she sat down on her bed when they stepped in the  
room. Athrun stopped in the middle of her room, and stared at the pile of food tray's upon her  
desk, mostly all of them full; "What?" Mai asked, half knowing what it was.  
"You haven't been eating, have you?"  
Mai looked down at her feet, and Athrun sat beside her. He looked at her and sighed.  
"I'm sorry." She whispered, "I've been too worried to eat, Brother."  
The little robot cat crawled out from under Mai's bed, and jumped on her lap.  
"Hey Mewmo." She whispered to the cat.  
"I'm glad to see you still have that thing." Athrun told her.  
"Of course I do! You're the one who gave it to me, Athy," She said playfully.  
He stood and thought for a few seconds. "Come on. I want you to meet some friends."

"They're in here." Athrun said, before opening the door they were standing outside.  
Together, the twins walked in.  
Mai saw a group of people, all boys, in the room, and she sort of hid behind her brother. He  
laughed softly. Mai was somewhat shy when it came to meeting new people. This was  
confusing to the people who knew her, considering her line of work.  
The group of boys turned towards the two when they heard the door close. One boy had silver  
hair and blue eyes, another was blonde and had brown eyes, and the last one had green hair  
and red eyes.  
"Hey Athrun." The blonde boy said.  
Then, they noticed Mai.  
"Aww, come on now, Athrun! Why do you always get the cute girls!"  
"I don't like him already." She whispered to Athrun. He laughed.  
"Actually Dearka, this is my sister," he said stepping aside, with a smile on his face, so they  
could see her.  
She glared at him, her eyes saying _"I'll get you later." __  
_They stared at her, causing her to blush.  
"Guy's, this is Mai. Mai, I'd like you to meet the members of my team. Yzak Joule, Dearka  
Elsman, and Nicol Amalfi." He motioned to each as he said their names.  
"It is a pleasure to meet you all." She said, curtsying slightly.  
"How come you never told us you had a sister, Athrun?" The green haired boy, Nicol, asked.  
"Yeah, and you never told us she's _Mai Zala_!" Dearka said in wonder and hurt.  
Mai laughed slightly.  
_'You'd think the last name was a big giveaway...'_ She thought.  
"Because I wanted it to be a surprise?"  
"Wanted what to be a surprise?" asked a new voice from behind the two of them.  
Mai and Athrun turned to see a blonde man wearing a mask.  
"Luitenant Le Creuset!"Athrun said. Mai looked at him and tilted her head.  
"Ahh, Mai Zala. It's a pleasure to see you again."  
Mai nodded at the man, who then turned to Athrun. "I have something I need to talk to you  
about."

"What do you mean I can't go!" Mai slammed her fists on her fathers' desk, upset about him  
declining her request.  
"What if the ship is attacked? With you in it?!"  
"I don't care, Father! I'm sick and tired of just waiting at home for this God damn war to end!"  
"It's too dangerous!" he yelled  
"But Father, I'm a Coordinator, as well! I can take care of myself!"  
"I've already lost your mother! I'm not going to lose you, too!"  
"Mother would want this war to end! Besides, what about Athrun!? Don't you care about him?!"  
"You're not going, Mai, and that's final!"  
She glared at him, wanting so much to hit him right then and there, but she knew better.  
Mai turned and stomped out of his office, slamming the door behind her. She sighed and  
headed back towards her room. Sure, her home was nice, the mansion on top of the hill, but  
she was stuck there. Stuck on the PLANTS, and she wanted so much to see the world.  
She walked past one of the room's, the one that belonged to her brother, and stopped when she  
heard the phone ring from inside. Athrun answered, and being the nosy person Mai was, she  
put her ear to the door to listen. She could not hear the muffled voice from the other line, but  
Athrun was loud and clear. Athrun repeated what the man had said. Mai gasped.  
Athrun was leaving tomorrow.

But why? He had just got back that day. An idea struck Mai, and she ran back to her room.  
'I'll sneak aboard the ship.' She hurried into her room and snatched the suitcase from under  
her bed. 'Then when they are out far enough I'll come out from hiding!'  
She turned on the television and was about to flip from the news, when an update popped up,  
showing a picture of Lacus, a very close friend of Mai's. The news woman told that Lacus has  
been missing, and her ships signal lost somewhere near Earth. Lacus had been to visit the  
ruins of Junius 7 for the remembrance ceremony. Mai had been told to stay by her father.  
_'Oh, great... '_


	2. Entry Two

**A Fallen Star ( Kira Yamato) Part 2  
**

"There are two types of people that choose to succeed; those that choose to prove someone right and those that choose to prove someone wrong."  
Unknown

**ENTRY TWO: PLAN**

Mai awoke earlier than usual the next morning, so she had time to herself before sneaking on her brother's ship. Athrun and she had talked all throughout the night, since the two had a lot of catching up. He told her almost everything. About Heliopolis, the new mobile suits and other things. She stood after looking around her room several times in boredom, and walked over to her laptop sitting on her desk beside the food trays. She opened it and turned it on. Mai was going to get some interesting facts on these mobile suits, and since she had an unbelievable talent for hacking, this was going to be easy. When the white screen came on she opened up a previously hacked file, but it still needed to be re-hacked, since she only had the connection and not the file. Once the file was open, she began to type inhumanly fast, like most coordinators.  
Mai had gone to Luner Prep School with Athrun, but she had never really seen him there. He was always with his friend. She smiled as she remembered how many times Athrun had named that friend, but she always dismissed it from her mind, since he had said it so many times. Mai just couldn't remember it; she had her own friends there. The five of them were inseparable.  
That's when she remembered walking in on him making Birdie, a little robot bird that Mewmo had grown fond of.

_"Brother! Have you seen Mewmo?" Mai called as she stepped in her brother's room. She turned around the corner and noticed her brother sitting at his desk, fiddling with some green parts. "Athy, what are you doing?" She asked him. __  
__He turned to her. "Just making a robot for --, - "the name blanked out. " -since I have to tell him that we're leaving soon. I want to give him this so he'll never forget me." He said before working at it again.__  
__"Oh... right. I forgot we we're leaving." She said sadly. "What's it going to be?"__  
__"A bird."__  
__"Really! Wow. He's a lucky friend, isn't he!" Mai and Athrun made eye contact, and smiled._

Mai stopped and stared at the computer screen, at her father's database. On the screen were the words "Enter Password," and below that it had six spaces to enter the password.  
_A six letter password, eh? Let's see..._ She typed in Athrun's name, and the words Incorrect Password flashed on the screen. She rolled her eyes at that. _Figures. Father never really did seem to care about Athrun._  
She sighed before thinking about another password. Seconds later she typed in Lenore, the name of her mother. The password screen changed to a screen with different types of data scrolling down.  
She was beginning to get annoyed on how easy it was getting.  
She typed some more, and a file titled 'Earth Mobile Suits' came onto screen. Different pictures were showed on the screen, many of mobile suits. Below each picture were the name of the mobile suit and the name of the pilot.  
Under the first one was written: GAT-X303 Aegis, piloted by Athrun Zala.  
The others said: Gat-X207 Blitz piloted by Nicol Amalfi, GAT-X103 Buster piloted by Dearka Elsman, GAT-X102 Duel piloted by Yzak Joule. There were also two other pictures. One said: GAT-X105 Strike pilot unknown. The other said: GAT-X104 Ecran unpiloted, location unknown  
_Well, that's weird._  
The last mobile suit looked like the Strike, except it had a little blue on the bottom of its feet, and its torso was red and the rest of it was white. She turned from the laptop to the time, and knew she had five hours until Athrun headed back to the ship. So, she turned off her laptop and stuffed it in her bag, along with a change of clothes and a couple of other things. Mai walked over to her bed and nudged the sleeping Mewmo. She blinked, yawned, and watched Mai opened the bag and place it in front of her. Knowing what to do Mewmo jumped inside it, it was a routine for them. Mai stepped out of her room and slowly walked down the halls, towards the ship, hoping that no one saw her.  
Mai walked down the street, wearing the same outfit as usual, but with a top coat and sunglasses, so maybe no one would recognize her. The last thing she wanted was a large crowd at this time of the day. But of course, she was wrong.  
"Oh my gosh, look! It's Mai Zala!!" A girl's voice shrieked. Mai twitched, annoyed at the timing of these girls, but smiled anyway.  
They were her fans, after all. Not their fault they had really bad timing.  
A group of girls ran to her, surrounded her, and held pens and paper to her.  
Girl 1: "Can I have your autograph?"  
"Ah, of course."  
Girl 2: "Oh, oh! Me too!"  
Girl 3: "I went to your last concert! It was so much fun and so fantastic!"  
"Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it."  
Girl 4: "I went too! I think you're songs are sooo pretty! The last one you did, the dancing was brilliant!"  
They left shortly after getting Mai's autograph. She sighed and continued.  
Cars would pass and most of the time they were playing either one of Mai's or Lacus's songs. Lacus and she sung to bring peace, hope and serenity to the PLANTS. The two were to be sisters-in-law, but they were also good friends. Their music had brought them closer together, even if the type of music was often different.  
She soon reached the entrance to the ship, but was stopped by a soldier. She frowned and removed her sunglasses. He gasped.  
"Lady Mai! I apologize, I didn't recognize you." He answered.  
_At least it fooled someone... _  
"It's alright. You were only doing your job." She reached into her bag and pulled out a envelope with blank paper inside. "My father sent me to give this letter to Commander Le Creuset."  
He nodded and stepped aside. She bowed slightly.  
"Have a nice day, Lady Mai."  
"Yes, you too." She said to him as she placed her sunglasses back over her eyes. She began to walk down the halls, passing soldiers who just ignored her. Feeling a little better, Mai fluffed her hair from under the coat as she walked.  
She noticed a door that said Closet, and she stepped inside after making sure no one was watching, and quietly closed the door behind her. She took a flashlight out of her bag and looked around the room.  
_This is good._  
She locked the door and sat down. Taking of the jacket, she took a deep breath to calm herself.  
"Mew!" Mewmo poked her head out of the bag and crawled out, then curled up on her lap.  
Mai smiled as she stroked the cat.  
_Now all that's left is to wait._

Athrun walked, disappointed, to the ship. He had spent the last hour searching for Mai; It was not like her to disappear like this. He went everywhere he could think of. He had searched her room, he had searched the concert hall, and he had gone to see Lacus, only to find she was missing too.  
This has never happened since he had joined. She was always there to see him off, smiling and waving. Then again, she had been pretty upset that he was leaving so early, so he couldn't blame her. Never had he seen her so mad at their father. He looked around one last time before entering the ship.

The typing in the small storage room halted, and Mai looked to her watch. It had already been an hour since the ship had launched, so she decided she'll show herself in another hour. Or maybe even longer. That way they will be way to far out to bring her back.  
She yawned and stretched, accidentally waking the sleeping cat beside her. She smiled to the cat and whispered a sorry. Mewmo groaned, before falling back into her sleep. Mai laughed, but jumped slightly when the doorknob wiggled.  
"Why isn't this stupid door opening!?" A voice snapped from behind the door. She gasped and held her breath, "I guess I'll have to break it down."

The small group of people was going over the plans for their next attack: the four male teens and their commander. All of them were listening to their commander, all except Athrun, who had other things on his mind. Lacus, Kira and Mai. Lacus and Mai were both missing, and the last thing he wanted to do was fight his best friend. The door opened and a soldier stepped inside, dragging Athrun from his thoughts. They turned.  
"Commander, we caught a stowaway." He said, while he saluted Le Creuset.  
Creuset smirked in an evil way, yet no one noticed. "Oh really?" He turned to the blue haired teenager. "Let's go take a look at our guest shall we, Athrun?"  
"Y-yes commander." Athrun muttered in return, not really wanting to go anywhere. Athrun and the commander followed the young soldier.  
He led them to a door, which opened when they came near it. The soldier stepped aside, allowing the two full view of the room. A figure sat on the bed inside that room, and looked up when they entered. His eyes widened when they met the intruders.  
"Mai!"  
"Hiya, Athy!" She said with a large smile on her face.  
"Mew." Mewmo piped in happily from Mai's lap.  
"Mai, what are you doing here?" he snapped.  
Le Creuset motioned to the soldier, and they left them alone.  
"Well, let's see... after father said no, I realized I'm old enough to make decisions on my own." She stated simply, shrugging. "Besides, not only is Lacus my future sister-in-law, but she's also one of my close friends. So hah."  
Athrun sighed and placed his hand on his forehead. "You'll never change."  
She pouted. "I hope not."  
Later, after meeting with the commander again, the two twins walked down the hallway towards a room Le Crueset told Mai she could use. Well, they walked in a way, but on this ship there was no gravity, so they held on to the moving railing to keep them from floating away. Mewmo held on to Mai's shoulder to keep from floating off as well.  
"It's kinda wierd floating in space like this." She commented to her brother as she slowly drifted away. She had let go to keep her skirt from riding up. Athrun grabbed her and pulled her back to the railing. "So Athrun... Where we going?"  
"It's 'Where are we going,' sister." He corrected.  
"Yeah, whatever..." She answered, upset that he was starting to act like her father.  
He noticed this and sighed. "We're going to the lounge."  
"Ah, okay..."  
Several minutes of silence passed between the two siblings.  
"Before we get there I need to tell you something." Athrun said. Mai looked up to him; he was at least 10 inches taller. "The Vesalius is a war ship. So I want you to either stay with me, or go to your room."  
"Awwww, you're no fun!" She said, smiling. She failed to notice the serious tone to her brother's voice.  
"I don't understand how you can be so _happy_ when there's a war going on!" He snapped, covering his eyes with his bangs. Mai stopped and stared after her brother as he continued, in shock. When was the last time he yelled at her like that, rather than laughing at it? She couldn't remember. Mai frowned and pushed herself off the wall, floating in front of her brother.  
"What's wrong, Athrun?" She asked, matching his serious tone.  
"Nothing."  
"Don't give me that!" She said, poking his chest with her index finger, causing him to look up. "I'm your _twin_, Athrun. I _know_ when something's on _your_ mind. So don't you lie to me!"  
"I'll tell you later." He muttered before going around her, and walking into a room.  
"You better!" She called after him, sticking out her tongue when he was out of sight.  
She frowned, her eyes filling with sadness. Taking a deep breath she followed him into the room.  
It was fairly large, with a couple couches and a single bookshelf. Nobody on the ship must have done a whole lot of reading though. They always seemed so busy.  
There was a large window, where the people in the lounge could watch the hanger. In excitement Mai hurried to that window, and stared out in amazement. She failed to notice the other teens in the rooms. She stared out at the four G-weapons.  
"Whoa! How'd she get here?" Dearka asked Athrun, still in shock from when she hurried past him.  
Yzak and Nicol looked from what they were going to look at her.  
"She's the stowaway." Athrun told them after he sighed.  
"Mai?" Nicol asked, and she turned to him and smiled.  
"Hi Nicol." Mai answered, before turning back to the window. Athrun sighed and sat on the couch, where Nicol once sat.  
Nicol walked over and stood beside her.  
"So these are the Gundams, huh?" She whispered to herself. Nicol of course, heard her.  
"Gundams?" He asked.  
"Yep!" She said happily. "Gundam stands for:  
General  
Unilateral  
Neuro-link  
Dispersive  
Autonomic  
Maneuver.  
And when you start up your mobile suits, those words should appear right there on your screen."  
"Hey, yeah!" Dearka said as he placed his fist in his other hand. "Now that I think about it I have seen that." He turned to Athrun, "Man, your sister's smart!"  
Athrun sighed, shaking his head. "That's only because she's got a bad habit for hacking."  
"Hey!" She turned to him and frowned, and was about to continue when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned back to Nicol.  
"If it's alright with Athrun, I could show you them." He said, scratching the back of his head.  
"Really?" She questioned with hope. She really wanted to see them up close. Mai looked up to Athrun, with puppy eyes. "Please, Athy?"  
He sighed again and nodded. She cheered in her excitement.

Together Nicol and Mai walked in the hanger. Mai couldn't take her eyes off of the mobile suits in front of her. She did once though, so she could look up to the lounge and wave to her brother. Her was watching her like a hawk.  
Nicol stopped in front of one of the Gundams.  
"This is the--" he began to explain, but Mai interrupted, pointing her finger up to the roof, in a know-it-all way. He didn't know it, but she was mocking one of her lunar school friends.  
"The GAT-X207 Blitz."  
"How do you know that?" He asked her.  
She shrugged. "Hacking can tell someone a lot of things. I also know _you're_ the one that pilots it. The GAT-X103 Buster is piloted by Dearka, Yzak pilots the GAT-X102 Duel, and Athrun is the pilot of the GAT-X303 Aegis." As she named them she counted them off with her fingers. "Then there's the X105-Strike, which is currently piloted by a Earth force soldier, and the X104-Ecran. No one knows where that one is though, or if it even has a pilot."  
"Ecran?" He questioned. "I've never heard of that one before."  
"Really?" She blinked. "Well, I don't blame you. The data was kept in my fathers' database." After realizing what she said, she quickly covered her mouth. "Oops..."  
Nicol laughed slightly. "Don't worry - I won't tell." Mai sighed before smiling at her new friend.  
He smiled in return, and only a few seconds later they heard a quiet growling noise.  
She chuckled nervously. "I haven't eaten since this morning..."  
"Let's go get a bite to eat at the cafeteria, okay?"  
"Okay."


	3. Entry Three

**A Fallen Star ( Kira Yamato) Entry Three**

_Ah, I have realized this chapter is mostly showing Athrun and how he feels, or should I say a mayor turn in the twins relationship? O.O Gasp!  
Also, this one is very short. But after this one, the story gets much, much better. XP_

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"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."  
Andy Warhol

**ENTRY THREE: GOODBYE  
**

Mai swallowed the last of her muffin, sighing contently as her and Nicol sat in the cafeteria. No one else was there, most likely because the crew members were all done with their own meals. Once in a while someone would come in for a drink, but that was it.  
She looked up to him as he sat across from her. "Nicol, your last name's Amalfi, right?"  
"Yeah, why?"  
Mai stared to the ceiling. "I don't know why but that name seems really familiar..."  
"It does?"  
"Yeah..." Several seconds passed as she racked her brain for any useful information. Her friend Junari always said she was bad with names..."Ah! That's it!" She looked back to Nicol, "Do you know someone named Shaina?"  
He smiled and nodded. "She's my older sister. Do you know her?"  
"Yep! She was one of my best friends in Lunar Prep school. So, how is she now?"  
"She's a pilot in training now for Zaft. Her graduation is soon, though."  
"Really? Wow, she always said she end up in the military."  
The two talked about some other things as the moments passed, until Mai's face fell slightly.  
"Hey... Nicol?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Why did you become a soldier...?"  
Nicol stared at her for a second, then smiling softly. "I felt like I needed to do something after Junius 7."  
Mai giggled, only earning a confused look from her new friend. "Sorry, it's just that's exactly why Athrun joined." Her face fell again, "Our mother... she was on Junius 7 too."  
"I'm sorry."  
She shook her head. "No, don't be. It's just... ever since he joined he's changed, you know? He's not the same Athrun I knew. He barely ever smiles anymore, and he's always asking me why it is I can be so happy. I _know_ there's a war going on, but still I believe in my smile. I mean, I believe that if I smile, someone else will. And if they smile, others will smile as well. It's one of the many chains this world has.  
"I try to bring hope to the people, that is why I sing as well. All my lyrics are my own, so the people know I'm not fake."  
"So... why are you here then?"  
She smiled. "There's nothing much I can do for my brother at home, so instead of me sitting around waiting for him, I decided it's time that I come to him. And while I'm here I'm going to try my best to bring hope to the other soldiers!"  
"Well, you're here. So why don't you sing?"  
Mai stared at him, "Um... excuse me?"  
"You should sing, Mai."  
"Well, okay... if you say so..." She looked down at her black robot pet still on her lap. " Mewmo, a tune please?"  
"Mew!" It cheered.  
Inside the cat was a system Athrun had put in, so Mai could have her music anywhere.  
And so, she began to sing her song.

Mai groaned as people shouted from outside her room. Someone called over the intercom.  
She sat up and stayed there for a minute, until she realized what was going on. Mai bolted out of bed and threw on some clothes, not worried about her hair and other things, to hurry out the door. The door closed behind her, and she spun around the corner, only to be forced into a wall by a bunch of soldiers. She looked around frantically, and found who she was looking for.  
"Athrun!" Mai called, grabbing his shoulder as he floated past. "Brother, what's going on?"  
"The Vesalius is preparing for battle against the Legged ship."  
"The what?"  
"The Legged ship; the ship we're following."  
She didn't answer, and instead nodded.  
"I'll be back, so stay in your room!"  
"But, Brother! Wait -- "  
It was too late; he had floated down the hall and out of sight. She turned to the floor sadly, before walking back to her room. She looked around, the lights still out and Mewmo staring at her from her bed. She went to the small window and placed her hand on the cold glass.  
All she could see was the stars. Shining above her, dancing in the sky.  
She turned to the cat, and smiled again.  
"Well, Mewmo, Athruns about to go into battle. So let's wish him luck." She mewed, and Mai giggled.  
Their happiness was cut short when the ship drastically began to shake. Mai screamed and covered her head, kneeling close to the ground. She had to admit to herself she was scared, that there was no hiding it. Standing, she looked out the window again, her breathing heavier than normal. In the distance she saw an explosion of pink smoke. She saw the familiar red of her brothers Gundam, and the others as well. And _it_ was there too. The Strike.  
Mai couldn't tear herself away from the window. She felt so hopeless, standing there in her small room. Being such a coward.  
You have to do something, she told herself, just think of what.  
"Wait..." she whispered.  
Mai floated to her bed, but held on to the bed rail when the ship shook again. When it stopped she tore through her bag, and she found a scrap of paper and a pen.  
She raised the pen, but was at a loss of words. Sighing heavily, she portrayed her feelings, feelings that had been bottled inside since the death of her mother.

_  
__Dear Brother,__  
__Please don't hate me for what I'm going to do, but it's something I feel I must.  
I have decided the outcome of this war is in our hands, war is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military and the Council. There's a chance I could be killed by doing this, but you know, sometimes you're the only one who can make a difference. I want to do whatever it takes to end this war, I know deep down it's what Mother would've wanted.__  
__Love, Mai._

Slowly, she folded the paper and held it close to her heart as she walked over to her brothers' room across the hall. This room was also dark, and Athruns bed was unmade. She brought the paper to her lips before placing it on the bed.  
Mai hurried back to her room and snatched her bag again. Mewmo jumped into it, and she slung it across her back.  
After leaving her own room, she stared at Athruns' for a second, before tearing herself away from it and floating down the halls. The teenager seemed to wander aimlessly, before she spotted the emergency room, where inside were the escape pods. She walked in and stepped into one the pods. It wasn't very complex; they were made for easy escape. She watched the door close, and smiled softly.  
_'Athrun... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..._'

"What do you mean she's gone!?" Athrun yelled.  
"She's not in her room, sir. And we couldn't find her anywhere else on the ship," the soldier repeated. He stood in front of the door, while The Le Creuset team stood in the lounge.  
This soldier was told to warn Athrun Zala of the news that his sister was missing. He had also told him about the escape pod that was missing as well. The other members of the team were silent.  
Athrun clenched his fists and growled in anger before storming out of the room. He wanted to see for himself what this soldier was telling him. He walked until he reached his twin's now empty room, and he couldn't believe it.  
Maybe she's in my room, he thought.  
He walked towards his own room, expecting to see his sister smiling that silly grin of hers; Mewmo purring on her lap. But there was nothing. Only an unmade bed in the darkness.  
That's when he saw the note.  
With a shaking hand he reached out for the folded paper, and he opened it just as slowly. His eyes scanned the familiar writing, taking it in word for word.  
"Stupid..." he snapped, crumbling the frail paper in his hand. "Why are you always so stupid!"

Meanwhile, in the ship known as the Archangel, a young man walked through the hallways. The hallways were empty then, mostly because everyone was either asleep or at the bridge. His mind wandered away from the ship under his brown hair and violet eyes, thinking of things he's had on his mind. The boy stopped in front of one of the doors, and it opened to let him. A little pink sphere bobbled around on the desk when it heard him.  
"Haro!" it sounded.  
The door closed behind him. "Hush, Haro."  
Lying in one of the beds inside the room was a girl with long pink hair. She sat up, rubbed her eyes, and stared at her night intruder.  
"Come on, Lacus. I'm going to get you out of here."


	4. Entry Four

**A Fallen Star (Kira Yamato) Entry Four**

"You can't say that civilization doesn't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way."  
Will Rogers

**ENTRY FOUR: KIRA**

_Mai __laughed at the pink haired teenager sitting across from her, while they sat outside on a beautiful spring day. This was the Clyne mansion, and the girl was Lacus Clyne.  
"I thought it was a great concert, Lacus. You really outdid yourself."  
Lacus took a sip of her tea before placing the cup back on the saucer. "I couldn't have done it without your help, Mai. You know that much. It's because you helped me in rehearsal that I do so well."  
"You always do the same for me. I couldn't say no."  
"It's a shame Athrun wasn't here to see it, though."  
Mai's eyes clouded with sadness. She looked over to her side, where Mewmo was playing with the navy blue Haro between her paws. "Brother will always be with me, in my heart. I know that. Mother's there too."  
Lacus giggled, "You know, I think it's time you found yourself a boyfriend."  
Mai's face turned red. "No it's not! I'm doing just fine!"  
"What about Mr. James? He seems like a nice young gentleman."  
"Rondai? Are you kidding! Ewe! You're as bad as Father!" Lacus giggled again. "It's not funny!" _

The GAT-X105 Strike raised a blaster gun to its enemy, the GAT-X303 Aegis. It was an odd sight, considering both pilots had once been friends. Maybe they still were.  
"Athrun, open your cockpit!" The Strike's pilot called.  
The teenager named Athrun did exactly that, at the same time as the Strike. The same brown haired boy looked up to the other boy, their eyes meeting. There was another person there as well, a young woman with long pink hair sitting on the lap of the first boy.  
She waved. "Athrun! How good it is to see you again!"

The singing in the cafeteria ended, followed by clapping.  
"That was beautiful, Mai. So much better in person." Nicol complemented her.  
She frowned, "Are you saying I suck on television?"  
"No! No, I'm not." he chuckled.  
Mai smiled. "Shaina always said her little brother played the piano. So I guess that's you?"  
The boy nodded. "Yeah. I do, but I want to become famous with my music. It's a weird hobby, huh."  
"No, it's pretty neat." Mai comforted him, smiling. Then suddenly, she gasped, clapping her hands together. "That's it!"  
He looked at her oddly. "What's it?"  
"How about I write the lyric's for a song, and you write the music. My manager won't say no to a favor if I ask her, so whenever you have time off on the PLANTS, you and I could practice. We could play it at one of my concerts! It'll be fun!"  
He continued to stare at her, before smiling gratefully. "Would you really do that? Even for someone you just met?"  
She nodded. "Of course! Even though I just met you I can tell you're a kind person, besides that, you and I are friends. As long as you promise you won't forget about it."  
"Don't worry. I promise."

The Strike's pilot headed back to its battle ship, the ships' second in command yelling at him through the intercom.  
**"Kira, you disobeyed my orders and you --"**  
Kira sighed as she continued, knowing how much trouble he would be in on his return.  
The left screen inside his cockpit flashed, and when he turned to look at it the screen zoomed in on an object floating in space. To him it looked like an escape pod, exactly like the one Lacus had been in.  
_'What the...'_  
Kira was confused about this new escape pod. Where had it come from? How did it get all the way out there?  
Knowing he already was in trouble, he decided to take the pod with him, just like last time. As he headed towards it, his commander questioned his actions, but he didn't answer. Instead his Gundam picked up the pod in its arms and headed back to the ship.

Many soldiers pointed their guns at the new escape pod, unsure if it would be different then the last time. A man stood in front of it with a small device in his hands. Moments later the pod opened, slowly at first.  
But once it was opened, everyone gasped.  
Inside was a girl, with semi-long dark blue hair. Her eyes were closed and her chest rose and fell as she slept.  
"Not again..."  
"Where do you think she came from?"  
"Is she a natural or a coordinator?"  
Kira stared at her as his friends murmured to themselves; other soldiers asked these questions as well. Kira did to, but there was something else on his mind. This girl seemed familiar to him.  
Who was she?

Kira yawned. He was tired, since it was his turn to keep an eye on the sleeping girl. His friends and he were taking shifts. He looked at her sleeping figure in the bed across from the one he was sitting on, and felt himself turn red.  
To him she was beautiful, the way she slept like some sort of fallen angel. The fresh wet cloth on her forehead would sometimes fall to her pillow, so he'd just smile and put it back. The way she was lying, so if she opened her eyes she'd be staring at him.  
What bothered him though, was no one knew her identity. There had been no I.D. in her bag, only a laptop, some more clothes, a gun and a small black robot cat. At first the cat had been obsessed with his own robot pet, a green bird called Birdie, but after a while it started following a female friend of his. His friend took a liking to the cat as well.  
Something deep down told him he wanted to be the one to find her awake. To see her look at him for the first time, to see what she acted like, and to hear her voice.  
Kira tried to shake the thoughts out of his mind, but with little luck, and he sighed.  
"Birdie?" The little robot bird on his shoulder sounded, and it nudged his cheek.  
Kira smiled.

_"Mommy!" a voice called. It belonged to a child, a girl around seven years of age running through the dark streets of a large city.  
Tears fell from this child's big blue eyes as she ran. She had no idea where to go, but she did know she had to keep running. Snow fell from the dark sky.  
She cried for her mother again, but still nothing. "Brother!" she tried.  
Nothing.  
Her feet slipped from under her and she crashed to the cold concrete below. The girl didn't get up; she only continued to cry, wanting so much for her world to end.  
"Sweetheart, why are you crying?"  
The small child gasped and looked up, a grown woman kneeling down in front of her, with blue hair and green eyes.  
"Mommy?" she whispered. Her bottom lip trembled and she ran into the woman's arms.  
"What's wrong dear? Are you hurt?" she asked, stroking the back of her head.  
"I was scared, Mommy. I was so scared..."  
"It's okay dear, Mommy's here now."  
A loud bang echoed in the quiet streets, and the girls mother fell limply to the side. The child screamed, turning in the direction of the gunshot, her clothes covered in her mothers blood. A figure stood there, holding a gun in his hand, glaring at the two in front of him. At first she didn't recognize him, but as he stepped closer to kill her next, she did. It was someone she never expected. Someone who she held close to her heart. He stood there, dressed in the familiar red of the Zaft uniform.  
It was Athrun._

Mai gasped for breath as she awoke suddenly from her nightmare, her cheeks wet from a mixture of sweet and tears. Her vision was blurry at first, but after a while it became normal again, and she sat up. A warm cloth fell to her hand and she realized it had been on her forehead. It must have been wet and cold once, but it hadn't been replaced for a while.  
She flinched at the sudden pain in her head, and when she looked up again she realized Mewmo was staring at her from the desk in the corner; the backpack beside her. Mai smiled and tried to stand, but at first she stumbled, holding on to the bed post. Once she regained her balance she walked over to the desk.  
Her laptop was running, but only the words, **"Access Denied"** flashed on the screen.  
_It's a good thing I have top security on that thing,_ she thought, closing its lid. _Otherwise __this whole thing would be pointless. _  
She checked the other contents of her bag, only to find everything but her gun was still there. She expected that, sighed.  
"Mewmo, you wouldn't know where we are, would you?"  
"Mew?"  
"Thought not..."  
Mai looked down at herself, and decided she needed a change of clothes, so she reached into her bag and chose something.

**/people/LQZhwa/photo/dQB5wSyxRn/**

**(Note: I don't know if it's possible to put music or pictures in a chapter, so if you could tell me, I'd be grateful. For now though, the only thing I can do is give you guys the URL. Before you copy it into the address bar, type in www . imeem. com)  
**

Mai spun around, approving her clothes before sitting down. When she thought about it, it was the only Lacus-like thing she owned, simply because it had been a gift.  
Mewmo jumped off the desk and onto her lap, and she chuckled.  
"Did you miss me?"  
"Mew!"  
She looked around the room, unable to tell the difference between an Earth ship and a Zaft one. She knew one thing though, and that was that this wasn't the same room as the one on the Vesalius.  
"I wonder..."

**/people/TXpA14w/music/6oDR8cIp/rietanakamizunoakashi/  
(Note: Go here to listen to her song, same here as above.)**

Music echoed in the empty room, and Mai looked down to the cat. On it's back showed an open compartment, and she knew it was where the music data was kept. She smiled, stroking the robot cat on its head.  
"Good idea, Mewmo."

"Mizu no naka ni yoru ga yureteru  
Kanashii hodo shizuka ni tatazumu  
Midorinasu kishibe

Utsukushii yoake wo  
Tada matte iraretara  
Kirei na kokoro de

Kurai umi to sora no mukou ni  
Arasoi no nai basho ga aruno to  
Osiete kureta no wa dare  
Dare mo ga tadori tsukenai  
Soretomo dareka no kokoro no naka ni

Mizu no nagare wo shizumete  
Kureru daichi wo uruosu shirabe  
Ima wa doko nimo nakutemo  
Kitto jibun de te ni ireruno  
Itsumo, itsuka, kitto

Mizu no akashi wo kono te ni  
Subete no honoo wo nomikonde nao  
Hiroku yasashiku nagareru  
Sono shizukesa ni tadoritsuku no  
Itsumo, itsuka, kitto  
Anata no te wo tori..."

The music stopped and Mai smiled, but quickly realized the pair of eyes staring at her from the finally open door. Those eyes belonged to a boy with brown hair and violet eyes wearing a blue outfit, one she knew belonged to an Earth Forces soldier.

_Why is it always singing girls with robots_, Kira thought to himself as he stared into her eyes, which were more beautiful then he imagined.  
"Y-you're awake..." he muttered and an awkward silence followed, "You're voice... it's beautiful."  
She smiled at this new boy. "Thank you. Does that mean you liked it?"  
The boy blushed before scratching the back of his head. "Yeah, most of the ship did."  
"Your ship, meaning an Earth Alliance ship, right?" He nodded, and she sighed.  
"That's not good..."  
The boy gave her a worried look, "Are you with Zaft?"  
Mai sighed again, "Not exactly, no."

The two teens walked together down the hall, the brown haired boy walking behind Mai, her hands tied lightly behind her back. She knew the reason, it was because even if she got away, there was no where to run. She had promised that she wouldn't run, but he still had to take his normal precautions. Mewmo sat on her shoulder, keeping an eye on the boy as they walked.  
Mai looked around the ship while she walked, ignoring the eyes of onlookers. She had never seen the inside of an Earth ship. _'It's not that different...'_ she thought to herself.  
"So... is it alright for me to know your name? Or do I have the right to remain silent?" she joked, earning a smile from the boy behind her, even though she couldn't see it.  
"My name is Kira. Kira Yamato."  
_'Yamato? That sounds familiar...'_  
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Kira. It would better under a different situation, but it's a pleasure none the less." Mai sighed and smiled to herself. "It seems I've only been getting in trouble lately..."  
"How about you? What's your name?"  
She flinched suddenly, _'That's a good question...'_  
"It's, uh, Mai... Mai Hitamaru," she answered, saying the first available name in her mind. The name Hitamaru belonged to a friend of hers, who was currently living in orb along with her foster parents. Ami **(Aw-me) **was her name, and she was one of Mai's four friends from Lunar Prep school.  
"Mai? That's a nice name. It means brightness, doesn't it? I think it fits."  
Mai tried to look back and him, but with not much luck. How many people knew what someone's name means off by heart?  
"Um, thanks."  
"Mew?"  
Mai looked to her robot friend, whose head was tilted to the side, confused. She chuckled softly.  
"What's your cat's name? I have a friend who's grown attached to it, and it has been bothering her for a while."  
"Her name's Mewmo; I've had her forever. Man this ship is huge! Where the heck are we going?"  
It was Kira's turn to chuckle. "We're almost there, don't worry."  
He was right, because when they turned another corner they stood in front of a door, and Kira stopped. "See?" Mai nodded, while he knocked.  
"Come in."  
The door opened as the two walked in. It wasn't a large room, just with a desk and several chairs. Three pairs of eyes looked up at her. Two women and one man stood around that desk.  
The man chuckled, "I see our guest is finally awake."  
"Kira, can you wait outside?" The woman in the middle asked. She stood there proudly, her brown hair under her commander's hat.  
Kira nodded, and taking one last look at Mai he left. She watched him leave and sighed.  
"I do realize that you people have guns, so is it alright if I get these ropes off? It's a little uncomfortable to stand like this," she told them, smiling the whole time.  
The man chuckled and floated behind her, untying the rope behind her.  
"I apologize for the rude welcoming, but these are hard times." The woman told her.  
Mai rubbed her wrists, since the position hurt her arms. "That's alright. I understand that there is a war going on. You're only doing what is right; I respect that."  
The woman nodded and sat down in her chair. "You seem to know about war. My name is Marrue Ramius, and I'm the commander of this ship. This is Natarle Badgiruel and Mu La Flaga."  
Mai smiled at them, "It's great to meet you all. I'm Mai Hitamaru."  
"Mew!"  
She chuckled softly, "And this is Mewmo."  
Marrue smiled, "You're welcome to sit."  
Mai did, in the chair in front of the three adults.  
"Is it alright if we ask you a few questions?" Marrue asked. She nodded. "What were you doing in that escape pod all the way out here?"  
Mai blinked, _'And yet another good question..._'  
"I am just a plain citizen from the PLANTS whose big brother is a soldier. He joined shortly after the destruction of Junius 7, since our mother was a victim." They didn't say anything, just continued to stare. "My brother was said to have been home for a break, so I went to visit the base. While I was there I found something I wasn't supposed to. Four mobile suits the military had stolen from the Earth forces. They found me there and kept me as a prisoner, thinking I knew too much. I was kept on one of their military ships, and I escaped from there." She looked at her hands folded on her lap. "I don't believe this war is anyone's fault, it's simply a war of greed and un-trust. My brother is the opposite, since he believes Naturals are to blame." She looked up, and her eyes met those of the woman in front of her. "I've been thinking a lot lately. About everything that's been happening, and I... well, I want to join the Earth Alliance."  
"You can't possibly be serious!" Natarle snapped.  
"I need to prove to my brother that he's wrong. In my opinion war is a cowardly escape from the problems of peace. Even if I fight on this side of the war, it's better than doing nothing..."  
Marrue, still keeping an eye on Mai, frowned at the young teenager. "How do we know we can trust you? How do we know you won't leak information to the enemy?"  
"You're right, you may be deceived if you trust too much, but you'll live in torment if you don't trust enough. I can't prove to you I'm trustworthy, but I can tell you this: This war has changed my family. I want to do whatever it takes to end it, so my mother may rest in peace. That's all I want."  
They stared at her, until finally Marrue smiled and nodded. "Okay than. I'll believe you."  
Natarle turned in shock to the other woman. "What? Commander, you can't just trust someone because they say you can!"  
"Easy, Natarle. For a while we'll have people taking shifts to watch over her, until we know we have her complete trust. Is that okay, Mai?"  
Mai smiled, "Of course!"  
"What do you think about this, Lieutenant?" Marrue asked the man.  
He chuckled and turned to Mai, "I say we need all the help we can get." He raised his hand towards her, and she took it. "Welcome kid."

Mai stared in the bathroom mirror at herself, wearing her new Earth outfit. Pink and white with a white underskirt and white stockings. Mai admired the way they made their uniforms, much better than Zaft. She sighed.  
"Brother will never forgive me for this..." she whispered. Mai, herself, couldn't even believe she was doing this.  
"Hey, Mai?" Kira called from outside of the bathroom "Are you ready?"  
Mai smiled and turned towards the door. "Coming!" Mewmo looked up at her from the bathroom counter, and Mai rose out her hand. Mewmo climbed to her shoulder, and it was easier for her since there wasn't much gravity.  
Mai floated to the door and went outside, seeing Kira there waiting for her. She smiled at him, "So where are we going now?"  
"I thought I'd give you a tour of the ship. We can find your room, too. What was the number again?"  
"I think it's room 113..." she said, reaching into a pocket in her Earth Alliance top jacket. She found what she was looking for; a piece of paper. "Yeah, it is."  
Kira smiled, "That's good."  
"Why?"  
"I'm just down the hall from you."  
"Really? You're right, that is good! Whenever I need help I'll come to you then, okay?"  
Kira blushed, but she didn't notice. "Y-yeah... sure..."  
Mai looked away from him, but what she saw ahead of her made her stop. She stood there with a puzzled and confused stare. Kira noticed she stopped, and looked at her, before following her gaze. Standing there was a group of teenagers, all talking to each other. Mai's look turned slightly scared. She was worried how these people would act towards her, after all not everyone in the world was as kind as Kira.  
"Umm..." she muttered.  
Kira chuckled softly before calling out to his friends. "Hey guys! Over here!"  
The four teenagers turned, smiling as they saw their friend. Three male, the last female. Together they floated towards the two. A boy with brownish blonde hair and orange shades led the way, followed by another two boys, one with short blue hair and the other brown. The girl - with brown hair and blue eyes - smiled and followed as well.  
"Hey, Kira." The one with shades said.  
The girl pushed past her male friends, getting right in Mai's face, smiling the whole time. "So you're one of us now, huh?" She raised a hand in front of her. "I'm Miriallia Haw, but you can call me Mir for short. It's nice to meet you!"  
Mai stared at the hand, mostly because of the surprising greeting. Not long after she smiled warmly at the new stranger. "It's nice to meet you too, Mir!"  
The three boys looked at each other, and one-by-one began to introduce themselves.  
"I'm Tolle, Tolle Koenig."  
"Kuzzey Buskrik."  
"My name's Sai Argyle."  
Mai smiled at them as well. "It's a pleasure to meet all of you. I'm Mai."  
Tolle smiled, "I see you already met Kira."  
She nodded happily, "Yes. Kira's been very kind to me."  
To Mai that didn't sound too bad, but Kira earned looks from each of his friends, and he blushed slightly.  
"What?"  
"Kira--" Tolle started, but Sai interrupted him.  
"Was that you singing earlier?"  
Mai nodded. "Yes. I didn't disturb anybody, did I?"  
"No," he answered.  
"You have a nice voice, Mai." Mir told her new friend. "I'd love to hear it again!"  
"Of course, anytime."  
A growling noise caused the six teenagers to stop, and Mai's face turned red. "Oops... I forgot I haven't eaten in a while."  
Seeing their expressions she laughed to herself, and shortly after they joined in too.

Mai explained her story to her new friends while eating her lunch. They had their own lunches as well, but Mai had a lot of talking to do, so she was slower then the rest.  
"Wow, that's quite a story." Sai said after her story.  
Mai nodded, swallowing her last bit of curry. "I didn't know ship food tasted so good."  
Mir giggled. "Do you like your food?"  
"Yeah. The food I'm used to all tasted the same. And the food I had on the last ship was horrible, even though I only had it once."  
"Hey Mai. You said you came from the PLANTS, right?" Kuzzey started, gaining everyone's attention. "Are you a Coordinator?"  
"Kuzzey!" Miriallia snapped at him.  
"What? It's common sense..."  
"But that doesn't mean it's not rude."  
"Miriallia." Mai said calmly, still with that smile on her face, and everyone turned to her. "It's alright. Would it change your opinion of me if I was?" Kuzzey shook his head, but slowly. "I'm a Coordinator." Silence followed, but she ignored it. "Just because my genes are a little different doesn't mean I'm not human. We're all looking towards the same future."  
They stared at her as she took a sip of her warm mint tea, enjoying the pleasant taste touching her lips. She ignored their looks, for she knew she had said nothing wrong.


	5. Entry Five

**A Fallen Star (Kira Yamato) Entry Four**

**Yay!! XP New chapter, and it's even the longest yet!**

**Anyways, my last exam is tomorrow, so I'll be able to post more soon. But maybe not so much since Azami-chan is coming over, and she's basically kill me. She gets waaaay too hyper when it comes to video games. **

**And this chapter has made me realize my writing is strongest in the scenes where my characters suffer. I show this mostly in my Fullmetal Alchemist Fanfiction on Quizilla, but only realized it today. Haha, oh well. **

**R & R!! I like people, even the ones who give me bad reviews. It helps me see things, in a way.**

* * *

"Hope is a waking dream."  
Aristotle

**ENTRY FIVE: A START**

"Wow! It's amazing!" said the blue-haired teenager in awe.  
Mai stood in the hanger overview with Kira, looking out at the grey Gundam through the glass window. Together the two of them were headed for the bridge, where Mai would find her place on the Archangel.  
She smiled before turning around to Kira. "That's the Strike, isn't it?"  
Kira nodded slowly. "You know it?"  
"Not exactly, I just know its name, as well as the fact that its brethren were taken by Zaft," she looked back out the window. "Is the pilot still on the ship? If he is, I'd love to meet him, or even her if it's a girl."  
"H-he is." Kira stuttered, and again she turned to look at him.  
"Really! Would you take me to meet him later? Or have we already met?"  
She didn't realize how many questions she was asking, but she couldn't help it. Mai was excited for her new change of pace.  
"You've met him already... I'm the pilot."  
Mai's eyes filled with sadness as she frowned back at the Strike. Its pilot was supposed to be amazing at what he does, supposing to be able to take on four Gundams at once. She realized it then, the look he had given her when she said she was a coordinator. And now the way he answered her question.  
"Kira, you're a Coordinator, aren't you?"  
Kira's eyes widened for a second, but soon his face fell to a frown, and he turned away.  
"Yeah..."  
Mai turned around to face him. "You could've told me that before, you know. I... I'm not a bad person."  
"We should hurry; they're waiting for you at the bridge."  
She sighed before following Kira down the empty corridors.

"Geez you type fast." The guy standing behind Mai muttered to himself.  
She was sitting in the bridge after being introduced to the remainder of the Archangel crew. This guy went by the name Romero Pal, and he was apparently the guy in charge of the ships weapon control. Kira had gone, since she was going to be watched by the bridge members, including Miriallia. She had just come after getting a few water bottles for the crew.  
Miriallia took a sip of her bottle as she watched Mai beside her. Actually, many people watched their newest member, every one of them wanting to see how good she was. Mai's blue eyes went back and forth as she watched the screen, her fingers typing rapidly on the keyboard.  
"Practice," she muttered in return, not looking away from the screen. She stopped and stared at the screen before looking behind her. "This ship's weapon speed is horrible. It's a wonder you made it this far."  
Miriallia giggled. "Are you always this brutally honest?"  
Mai shrugged before turning back to the computer. "It depends." She thought for a moment before continuing to type.  
"What are you doing now?" Romero asked her.  
"I'm increasing the weapon speed. This should make battles easier."  
He whistled. "You can do that?"  
She looked at them again, grinning. "Uh-huh."  
"How long will it take?" Mir asked her. Again Mai went back to her work.  
"Not very long."  
They heard the elevator door open, and two of the three teenagers turned in that direction while Mai continued to type.  
"Is she doing well?" the new voice asked, and Mai realized it was Commander Ramius. Forgetting her new role on the ship she didn't stop and salute like everyone else.  
"Commander, I don't understand why you tell me to train people; they always seem to know what to do. Mai knew what to do before her fingers touched the keyboard. All I told her was where to sit."  
Marrue laughed. "Really? So what's she doing now?"  
"Uhhh... something to do with our ship's weapon speed."  
"Weapon speed?" she asked, coming to stand beside Mai. "What exactly does that do?"  
"It allows Igelstellung, Gottfried and other ship weapons to recharge or reload quicker than normal. It might not be all that noticeable, but it'll be better than what you have now."  
"Oh, I see. Thank you, that sounds very helpful."  
Mai stopped and smiled at the woman standing over her. "Of course! It's my pleasure."  
Time passed, and soon Mai found herself leaning on the rail of the hanger overview. The glass wasn't there anymore, and she didn't know why.  
She watched the people below her work, and she sighed.  
"I guess Junari was right..." she whispered to herself.

_"What do you mean? I think that dress looks good on you." Mai told the girl standing in front of her, with long brown hair and golden eyes. Junari Tobermory was a friend of Mai's from Lunar Prep __School and she also was the oldest of the five girls.  
The two of them were shopping, hoping to find a new outfit for Athrun's arrival. It has been seven weeks since the Bloody Valentine Tragedy, and Athrun would be soon returning from his first real trip back from the military. Mai was happy, considering that this was her and her brother's first real time apart she was excited to see him.  
Junari shrugged. "I don't really like pink." She walked back into the change room, and came back out in her regular clothes, jeans and a tank top. "We are here for you remember."  
Mai frowned from her bench seat. "What, so does that mean we can't have fun?"  
Junari laughed and sat beside her friend. "You know... you've acting strange lately."  
"Huh? Strange how?"  
"Well... I understand how you feel about Junius 7, but the way you're acting seems different somehow... Is it the war?"_

_What was Mai supposed to say? That she was fine, and the emptiness she felt was nothing?  
"I don't know..." she whispered, staring at her hands. Mai figured what her friend was telling her was the truth. "I worry about Brother a lot..."  
Junari nodded, but gave a small wink to her younger friend. "I don't think someone as cute as him going to die on his baby sister."  
Mai chuckled softly. "I know..."  
Her friend sighed and looked ahead of her, the wind blowing through her brown hair. "Ever since I first met you in prep school, I knew there was something different about you. You're always just full of surprises. Not only that, but you're a good luck charm and a bad one. You have the power to make people smile, yet you're full of trouble." Mai looked at her friend, staring at her like she had no idea what Junari had said. Junari saw this and laughed._

Mai sighed, "I still don't get it..."  
**"All units, level one battle stations!"** someone called over the intercom speakers, and she recognized it as Mir's.  
Her face turned serious and she pushed off the wall towards the bridge. Mai was still getting used to the lack of gravity, so when she saw the familiar brown haired boy she struggled to stop. She reached out and grabbed his arm, stopping both of them in their tracks.  
He turned, "Mai?"  
Mai smiled. "Kira, I'm sorry; I'm still getting used to this." Kira smiled and nodded as well. "I just wanted to tell you to be careful before you left, so I'm glad I caught you."  
Kira blinked at her a couple times, before it clicked in. "Uh... Thank you."  
She giggled slightly, but soon her eyes widened and she placed her hands on her head, "Ah! My first time and I'm going to be late!!"  
She spun around and hurried out of Kira's sight. At first he was confused at her actions, but he just smiled and continued on his own way.

"Mr. Pink! Come back here." A certain pink-haired girl called after her robot companion.  
"Haro, haro!"  
Lacus giggled.  
"Lacus," she heard someone sigh, and she turned to see Athrun, her fiancé.  
Athrun looked tired, the circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. Lacus knew he was worried about his sister.  
"Haro is overly exited. I guess he is happy to see you after all this time." She smiled as he floated towards her.  
"Haro doesn't have any emotional components to him at all, Lacus." Athrun grabbed the pink robot and handed it to her. "You are a guest aboard this vessel, but the Vesalius is a war ship." He paused, remembering who he had said this to last. "Please be careful not to wander outside of your room too frequently."  
Athrun led her to a room, which was hers for as long as she'd be there.  
Lacus frowned. "I have been told that everywhere I go. It's not much fun."  
"Can't be helped now can it," he sighed and looked away from her. "That's the situation you're in right now."  
Lacus blinked and tilted her head a little "Athrun? Is something wrong?"  
"Huh? Uh...It's just I was wondering how you were getting along. I mean, you were taken hostage and you were forced to go through so much..."  
Lacus smiled at him trying to change the subject. "I'm in very good spirits, thank you. Rest assured, your friend treated me with respect and dignity while was on their vessel. I'm also positive Mai will be fine."  
His eyes widened slightly, "But, how did you -- "  
"It's written all over your face, Athrun. I also worry about Mai's well being, but I'm sure she's safe."  
"Is that right..."  
Athrun was beginning to confuse her, so she decided to talk about Kira, the one who had brought her home.  
"I found Mr.Yamato to be a kind individual. He also has a very strong character."  
"He's nothing but a misguided fool. He insists he's not a soldier, yet he's still piloting that thing." Athrun snapped, but it wasn't at Lacus. "He's just being used but he justifies it, something about protecting his friends. It's because his parents are Naturals. That's why..."  
Athrun's hands curled into fists. Lacus reached out to comfort him, but he turned away.  
"He told me himself he much rather not fight against you..." she said.  
"He's not the only one!" Athrun was taking his anger out on Lacus for his friend and his sister, and she knew that. "Why would I want to...?" He paused before slightly bowing to Lacus. "I ask for your forgiveness. If you'll please excuse me."  
He turned and headed for the door, but Lacus spoke before he could leave.  
"When I look at you, there's a different person there. Lately, I can only see bitterness."  
He stopped and slightly turned his head. Athrun was tired of people saying this to him; first his sister, and then Lacus. "I can't exactly fight a war with a big smile on my face."  
With that said, Athrun turned and walked away.

"I'm here."  
Miriallia smiled and nodded at the friend taking a seat beside her.  
_"Mu La Flaga, launching."_ A voice came from Mir's computer.  
Mai placed her headset on as the Zero flew away from the ship. "Kira," she said, "the Zaft units are Laurasia-class Duel, Buster and Blitz."  
_'Yzak, Dearka and Nicol... where's brother?'_  
**"Those three again..."** Kira said, though Mai barely heard it.  
She realized that this was the ship that her brother had told her about.  
"APU activated." Miriallia started, breaking Mai from her thoughts. "So we'll attach the Aile Striker pack."  
"Attaching Aile Striker pack." Mai repeated. "Connected to Catapult. Strike, stand by; system all green." Mir nodded. "All clear for launch. You may precede, Strike."  
**"Kira Yamato, heading out!"**  
"The Eighth Fleet will be meeting up with us in a few minutes. Just hang in there!" Marrue called to her crew. "Activate Igelstellungs! Prepare anti-beam depth charges! Ready act missile tubes!"  
Mai began her quick typing, sending messages to the system, and it did exactly what Mai had made it; readying in half the normal time.  
The three Gundams flew together forming a circle, dodging the Archangels attack. They moved, and a beam came from where they once had been. The beam hit the ship, making it shake horribly. All the crew held on to their seats, Mai as well. Once it stopped she continued to scan the area for Athrun; nothing.  
"By the looks of it, the enemy has analyzed our evasion algorithm..." Mai heard her captain say just above a whisper.  
Mai looked out to the starry sky, watching the Archangel fire at the oncoming Blitz.  
"Valients, now! Fire!" Badgiruel yelled.  
The ship fired two shots at the Blitz, but he dodged both of them. Shortly after the Blitz disappeared, and Mai knew this was the Blitz's famous Mirage Colloid program.  
"Captain, I've lost the Blitz!" One soldier called, but Mai wasn't paying attention to who had said it; she was concentrating on the enemy.  
"Huh?" she heard Badgiruel mutter.  
Mai racked her brain for any ideas on how to stop Nicol, but then it hit her.  
"Its Mirage colloid must have been activated." Ramius whispered, but raised her voice as she continued. "What do we do?"  
Mai's eyes filled with hidden thoughts, before they widened, and her quick mind decided on a plan.  
"Captain! Using the anti-beam depth charges with the anti-air warheads will force the Blitz to shut down the mirage colloid system!" She called, and the commander went silent for a few seconds before yelling to her crew.  
"You heard her! Do exactly like she said!"  
"Stern missile tubes, switch over to anti-air shrapnel warheads!"  
She watched the Blitz fire at the ship, but the Archangel fired as well, and the two shots collided in midair.  
"Anti-air shrapnel warheads!" Natarle shouted, "Fire!"  
"Calculating the position of the Blitz by the angle of its beam shot!" - Mai  
The Archangel shot at the air in front of it, and the Blitz went back to phase shift armor, but soon after it disappeared again.  
"Disengage Igelstellung auto-tracking! Put up a barrage!"  
"Switch to random evasive maneuvers!"  
The Archangel managed to dodge the attack, but the ship still took some damage, making the ship shake again. Natarle ordered an attack, and the crew did as they were told.  
"Number six sensor array is hit! Laminated armor temperature is rising!"  
"The armor cooling system can't keep up! Armor temperature is continuing to rise!"  
Marrue muttered to herself, before yelling: "Turn bow 20 to starboard!"  
"Blitz is approaching!" Someone warned.  
"What are the Strike and Zero doing?!" - Natarle  
"They're too busy battling the Duel and the Buster" – Sai

This was Mai's first battle, so the action seemed worse than it had on the Vesalius. She stared out at the stars with trembling eyes, but she soon calmed herself down.  
And somehow, deep down, she knew Kira would protect them all.  
The ship began to shake again after another attack from the Blitz, and Mai held on to her seat. She looked up, only seeing the Strike where the Blitz had been.  
"The hull has taken damage!"  
"Captain! What do we do?"  
"Just hold on, everyone!"  
All around her, the world seemed to move so fast; even faster then her own quick typing.  
She didn't understand how she only seemed less helpful than before.

Kira struck down the Duel after it tried to give him a surprise attack, but the Duel was quickly caught by the Blitz. The three Gundams retreated, and the Strike landed on the front of the ship.  
_Is it over?_ Mai asked herself.  
She waited for what seemed like forever, but she heard a soldier's voice, and she saw what he meant.  
"The eighth fleet is here!"  
Signal beams shot into space ahead of them, and that's when Mai saw it: The Eighth Fleet. She swallowed hard, a thought just crossing her mind.  
"Turn about 180 degrees. Reduce speed another 20 percent and match velocity." Marrue ordered, but there was a hint of relief in her voice.  
The Archangel turned and backed into a circle of Eighth Fleet ships, only stopping beside what looked like the commanding ship.  
Mai was a Coordinator to these people, and the eighth fleet might not treat her like the crew of the Archangel.  
"Is this really a good idea? For us to cruise along side the Menelaos?"- Arnold Neumann  
The captain smiled at him. "Admiral Halberton most likely wants to get a better look at the ship."  
_Admiral Halberton... The man in control of the eighth fleet._ Mai thought. _If he wanted to, he could have anyone on this ship kill me... and Kira too..._  
She sighed, earning Miriallia's attention.  
"Is something wrong?" she asked.  
Mai turned to her friend, and forced a smile on her face. "I'm fine."  
"He has informed us that later on he will be paying us a personal visit," Marrue continued.  
"As you may know, he was the biggest supporter of the developed project that produced this ship and the G-weapons."  
Marrue went on, describing Halberton so the crew wasn't new to him, but Mai was hardly listening. She was more occupied with the rim of her shirt.

"Please hold the fort while I'm gone." Marrue told the remaining bridge crew members, and Mai wasn't one of them. They saluted, and she turned towards the elevator behind her.  
"Captain!" Natarle called, and she followed Marrue into the elevator. The door closed behind her.  
"I need to talk to you about the Strike, Captain. Do you have any plans for it?"  
"What plans? What are you getting at?"  
"Everyone on this ship knows it." Natarle explained. "We were only able to make it this far because of the mobile suits incredible capabilities, and because _he_ was the one piloting it. Are you letting him go too?"  
Marrue sighed. "Kira is a civilian, not a soldier. The proper thing to do is to let him go, if that's what he wants." She turned to her. "But are you forgetting, Natarle? Aboard this ship is an actual soldier who can pilot the Strike, even with Kira gone."  
"You don't mean Mai, do you? Are you sure she has the right knowledge for that kind of thing?"  
"Mai is the only one on this ship who can even compare to Kira, so she's the only chance we have right now. If I ask her to pilot it in its current state, I'm sure she'll jump at the opportunity to help more than she does as a bridge crew member."  
The elevator door opened, and Marrue floated down the corridor. Natarle stared after her, but soon sighed and went the opposite way.

"So you guys are really leaving?" Mai asked the group sitting with her around the cafeteria table. Miriallia and her had just arrived, and Mir had gone to get the two of them dinner.  
Sai, Kuzzy and Tolle had been there before, already eating their dinner, and talking about what they'd do once they were back on Orb. Flay and Kira were the only two missing from the group of teenagers.  
"Yeah." Tolle answered after swallowing the piece of dumpling in his mouth. "Our parents are there, so we thought it was the best place to disembark."  
Mir had come back by then, holding two trays of food in her hands, and gave one to Mai.  
"And unlike you," she said, "we're not exactly soldiers. We're only civilians, so we really can't do much."  
Miriallia took her seat to Mai's right, which surprised her. Usually Mir would sit beside her boyfriend, but this time Mai sat between them. They had no ill feelings between them, so Mai figured they all just wanted to talk to her before their departure.  
"Well, for civilians you guys are really good."  
"I wouldn't know about that..." Kuzzy muttered. "Our training was only since it was an emergency."  
Mai nodded slightly before taking a bite of her own dumpling.  
"Wow! This kind of military food tastes so good!" Mai piped in cheerfully, stuffing the other half of the dumpling into her mouth.  
"There's nothing exactly great about it." Sai said, "It tastes normal to me..."  
Mai shrugged. "Before this, I was eating specialty made meals. Every meal, day after day; I guess it kind of got boring..."  
"Boring? Those sound nice compared to what we're forced to eat." Tolle complained.  
"What about you, Mai?" Miriallia asked her, returning to the earlier subject. "What kind of training did you have to go through to be as good as you are? I mean, we've all seen you type. And you're really smart when it comes to the technical stuff."  
Mai looked up, only to see that they were all staring at her, each probably wanting to know the answer to Mir's question. "Um... I went to a school for it. I didn't continue once it was over though, since I wasn't planning on joining the military. But hey... here I am..." She sighed, this time stuffing a whole dumpling into her mouth.  
Seconds past and she knew the group was staring at her, but the quiet soon was interrupted by Tolle.  
"Hey!" Everyone looked at him. "That was my dumpling!"  
"You were too slow, Tolle! It was just sitting there, I had to take it!"  
The others started to laugh while the two of them continued to argue.  
"You're such a pig!"  
"Hey, I only took one!"

She could hear her own footsteps as she walked down the hall. She could hear them, more then she should.  
Mai raised her hand to her forehead, her other hand on the side of the wall, and she closed her eyes. Her forehead felt warm, not a normal or good sign, but that fact didn't worry her at all.  
_'Not another fever...'_ she thought. _'Lately they've been worse than usual...'_  
She stumbled foreword, almost completely regaining her balance soon afterward. She wanted to go back to her room so she could just lie down and rest her head.  
"Oh, Mai! There you are," a familiar voice called from behind her. Mai turned to see her Captain. "I've been looking everywhere for you."  
"You've been looking for me, Miss Marrue?" Mai realized what she said, and quickly covered her mouth. "I'm sorry; I keep forgetting I'm on a war ship, Captain..."  
Marrue smiled at her softly. "If you wish to call me that, when it's just the members of the ship, please feel free. It would be sort of... a nice change."  
"Only if it's okay." Mai answered, smiling as well.  
"Of course, but there's something I need to talk to you about."

"We've already hooked up with the Eighth Fleet, so can someone tell me why we're in a rush?"  
Mu La Flaga, who had been floating calmly in the air, spun around and looked at Kira. They were in the hanger, and Kira was trying to fix a couple things about the Moebius Zero. Kojiro and his faithful clipboard were there, too.  
"I don't feel secure while it's still damaged!" Mu argued.  
"The pilots that are joining us from the fleet are all wet behind the ears." Kojiro explained, "If anything happens, we'll need the lieutenant here to sort things out."  
"Yeah, but what'll we do about the Strike?" Kira asked Mu, "Is it really okay to leave it as is?"  
"Huh? Ah, good point... I never thought of that," he answered, "But I'm not so sure we should return it to its original state, since that would reduce its performance..."  
"Well then, let's hope our Mai is able to pilot it the way it is."  
The three turned towards the female voice, seeing Marrue floating towards them.  
Mu chuckled slightly at the new arrival. "To what do we owe this honor?"  
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need to talk to Kira."  
Mu and Kojiro exchanged glances, before both looking back at the brown haired boy behind them  
"I've hardly hard any free time, so it was hard for me to ever have a meaningful one-on-one with you." Marrue explained to Kira, as they both stood in front of the Strike. She turned to him. "Well, I just to say thank you properly this time, since I'm well aware that I put you through a great deal of hardship. I'm truly grateful for what you've done."  
Marrue bent down, bowing at Kira, who was both confused and shocked at the same time.  
"I've put a lot on your shoulders, and I've made you give us your all. I can't thank you enough."  
"It's all right, really, Captain."  
Marrue smiled softly before standing straight again. "The others may not actually say this to your face, but we are all deeply grateful." She didn't receive an answer, but continued anyway. "The way things are going right now, I imagine things will be hectic even on Earth. But I wish you the best of luck."  
Marrue raised her hand out towards Kira, who just stared at it for the longest time.  
Kira had expected people to make him stay, but here his captain was smiling at him and wishing him luck. He smiled in return, and finally took her hand.  
"When you mentioned Mai's name earlier, what did you mean by it?" Kira asked.  
Slowly, Marrue's smile faded, and she looked back towards the Strike.  
"Ms. Hitamaru has agreed to take your place and pilot the Strike, making her an Ensign."  
Kira gasped slightly. "W-what? But, why -- ?"

Mai stepped out of her room, a little dizzy at first, but fine after her first couple of steps.  
Lying down hadn't worked for her, and after a while of typing on her computer her head started to throb.  
_Just get up and walk to the kitchen,_ she told herself. _Make some tea and take some painkillers._  
This had never happened to Mai before, her pain was new. She figured she had a small fever, and it would go away sooner or later.  
"Mai!"  
She flinched at first at the loud voice, but smiled after turning to see Kira. She realized no one else was in the hallway, which felt really weird since there were so many citizens aboard the ship.  
"Oh, Kira! I haven't seen you all day, where were you?"  
"Is it true?"  
Mai blinked, confused at what he was asking. "What? What do you mean?"  
Their eyes were locked, neither one looking away. Kira's eyes were stern and serious, but Mai's hid her true emotions behind them, and her smile.  
"Are you really going to do it? Pilot the Strike, I mean."  
Her smile slowly faded, and she turned to look at the floor. "I... I'm the only one who can... after you leave."  
"I was afraid of that..." he sighed, and she looked up again. Her eyes widened.  
_He didn't... want me to answer that way?_  
Kira turned to walk away, but Mai stopped him, grabbing his arm to prevent him from going anywhere.  
"Kira, please..."  
He turned again, seeing that both her hands were on his right arm, but that wasn't the important thing he noticed. Her eyes had finally filled with an emotion he had never seen on her, even in the short time they've known each other.  
They were filled with sadness.  
"Kira... I want you to know that this is really the only thing I can do, so I _want_ to do it. This is my new home; I can't go back now..." She looked down and shook her head slowly. "I need you to understand that... all of you..."  
Mai sighed slightly, but soon looked back at Kira. "I bet I'm not the first to say this, but I want to thank you, for everything."  
"**Ensign Hitamaru, please report to the Bridge. The Captain wishes to see you."**  
The message repeated, and as it did Mai sighed again, forcing herself to let go of him. "Well, that's me. I should get going, I guess..."  
She wondered if it was her fever, but what she did surprised even herself.  
Her lips touched his.  
Mai quickly pulled away once she realized what she was doing, and turned around. Kira watched as she disappeared around the corner, still shocked and confused, before bringing his hand to his lips.

_I look back on it now, and I realize that was our first real moment, even though we thought it was nothing at the time. Or maybe we thought it was something, but we were just too clueless to do anything about it._

Mai Zala


	6. Entry Six

**A ****Fallen Star (Kira Yamato) Entry Six**

**Another chapter up! To celebrate the end of Azami-chan and my school year. Muahahahaha... anyways...**

**So, I just wanted to thank those who have been reviewing, and wanted to know if anyone had any questions. If you do, feel free to ask.**

**Oh, and I'm thinking of putting up my Fullmetal Alchemist Fanfiction up, so tell me what you think about that. :P**

**R & R!**

* * *

_"Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love."  
Jane Austen _

**ENTRY SIX: A WILL TO PROTECT.**

_'What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me! What's wrong with me!!'_  
Mai hit her head against the wall of the cafeteria every time she thought that. Lucky for her, no one else was there, because she was more embarrassed with herself than she'd ever been before.  
After talking to the Captain and Mu La Flaga she went to the cafeteria to have some tea and take some painkillers. And after lying her head down on the table for a few minutes, she began to feel better, and realized what she had done.  
"I'm such an idiot..." she whispered, before sitting down and staring at the ceiling. "He and the others are leaving soon, too... I wouldn't be surprised if Kira won't talk to me anymore..."  
"Why is that?"  
Mai yelped and felt her chair lose balance, sending her crashing to the floor.  
"Mai! Are you okay?"  
"I've been better..."

"How could they resort to such an extreme measure such as destroying Heliopolis and Artemis, all for the sake of this _lone_ and a single G-Machine?" The man named Hoffman questioned.  
Marrue, Mu, and Natarle all stood in front of another man's desk on the 8th Fleets main ship. Admiral Halberton sat proudly in that desk, while Hoffman stood beside him, a map on the wall behind them and a pile of papers spread out on the desk.  
"None the less, the fact that her crew was at least able to _protect_ the Strike and this ship can be counted as a great victory for the Earth Forces," Halberton defended.  
Hoffman frowned. "It would seem that Alaska does not share that view."  
"Hm?" both Mu and Natarle mumbled, looking up at the men in front of them.  
Marrue turned to the floor, ashamed.  
"Bah! What do they know about the reality of space combat?" Halberton sighed and looked at the three. "Lieutenant Ramius has understood my intentions all along. Nothing in this matter warrants any concern."  
"Yes, admiral..." Marrue whispered.  
Hoffman reached out towards the desk, picking up a sheet of paper. "Now, moving on to the topic of the young Coordinators. Are we to forget all about them?"  
"Those two both have their reasons for being here," Marrue explained.  
"Oh, really?" Hoffman questioned, raising an eyebrow.  
Marrue nodded. "Kira Yamato only wanted to protect his friends. That was the soul reason _why_ he climbed aboard the Strike for us. In all likelihood we would not have made it this far if it weren't for the abilities of that young man. However, his decision was dictated by events beyond his control, and he did suffer greatly for having to fight against his own people. He's a kind, sincere boy. I believe we should repay him for his selfless efforts with our complete trust."  
"And the girl?" Hoffman asked.  
"Mai Hitamaru was a civilian living on the PLANTS. We had rescued her from an escape pod, and in return she offered her aid to this ship. Apparently, she had been held against her will by the enemy forces. She had hacked into Zaft's military database, and they became aware that she might sell the information. They treated her as a prisoner because they were afraid of her true intentions, and now she has given her trust to us. I think we should return that trust."  
"Do you really believe it's really that easy to trust someone?" Hoffman snapped. Half mad, half shocked.  
"She has given us the impression that she would not break her word, so our crew members are taking shifts to watch her. She's sweet, kind, and has already helped us several times."  
"Not to mention she has a beautiful singing voice!" Mu interrupted.  
"Lieutenant La Flaga!" Hoffman snapped.  
Mu chuckled softly, rubbing the back of head. "Oops, sorry. Should've kept my mouth shut..."  
Hoffman sighed before speaking. "Getting back to the subject of the boy, if we let him go now..."  
Before anyone could say anything, Natarle stepped forward. "If I may interject, I myself agree with Captain Hoffman's sentiment." Marrue and Mu turned to her, confused. "_Anyone_ can see he has amazing abilities, and he also knows the secret about the G-weapons. Is it really wise to let him leave?"  
"Huh," Halberton grunted. "Zaft now possesses four of those machines. Hardly a secret at this point."  
"Bu-but sir! His strength is a diffident asset, so I believe it would be in everyone's best interest to have him join the Earth Forces!"  
"Oh?" Hoffman inquired.  
Halberton frowned. "But from what Lieutenant Ramius says the boy has no intention of joining the military. Besides, even if he does leave, we do have the other Coordinator."  
"But wouldn't it make sense to have two Coordinators fighting instead of one? His parents are Naturals who escaped the collapse of Heliopolis, and as of now are living on Earth. If the military were to force them -"  
"You are spouting nonsense!" Halberton snapped, slamming his hand on the desk. "What use would we have for such a soldier?"  
Natarle gasped, shocked that he yelled at her opinion. She bowed and stepped back.  
"I-I'm terribly sorry, sir."  
Halberton sighed, and then stood. "What has past is unimportant. The problem is what we do _now_. The Archangel will be required to make its decent to Alaska headquarters with its existing roster and personal, including Ensign Hitamaru."

"How's your head?" Miriallia asked.  
Mai sighed and nodded slowly, adjusting the ice pack in her hands and pressed it to the back of her head.  
"It's getting better," she lied.  
In fact, her head was killing her, as if the painkillers had done nothing.  
Mir placed a glass in front of her friend, and sat across the table.  
"So..." she started, gaining Mai's attention. "What were you so upset about?"  
Mai turned away, knowing her face was red. She didn't exactly want to tell anybody what she did.  
"Nothing..."  
Mir laughed, "I don't believe you, you know. I might not have known you for long, but I can tell you're lying."  
"I-Im not lying."  
"Then why's your face so red?"  
Mai looked back to her, knowing Mir wasn't going to let this go.  
She sighed. "Fine. Can you keep a secret?"

"According to this, were supposed to receive a new mobile suit to take with us to Alaska..." Kojiro mumbled as he stared at the clipboard.  
It was his job to bring in the new supplies with the rest of the staff.  
"We get two Skygraspers? Wait a minute! These are designed for use in the atmosphere!"  
He looked up, seeing two red, blue and white mobile armors were being transported into the hanger.

"The replacement personnel were lost along with the Advanced Fleet, so you can see our problem." Hoffman explained. "We no longer have additional crew to allocate to the Archangel."  
Marrue nodded slowly.  
Halberton, who had been staring at the map on the wall, turned again to the three Archangel personnel.  
"Now, because of the unfortunate incident with Heliopolis being destroyed, it's even more critical that we get the Archangel and the remaining two G-weapons with all their data down to Alaska."  
"_Two_ G-weapons, admiral?" Marrue asked.  
Halberton nodded. "Six G-weapons in total had been made by the Earth Forces, and all but one was being held at Heliopolis. We held the last one at the Lunar Base, because there were some errors with its system. We feared if the enemy found the location of this mobile suit they would attack the base as well. So we wish that you bring it down with you to Alaska, making it safe for the time being."  
"Yes, but sir, how could we -?"  
"We must get the G-weapon development back on track!" He interrupted. "Zaft will no doubt continue to send new machines into the battle field." He sighed, staring down at the papers on his desk. "It burns me; those _pencil pushers_ who've been wasting valuable resources on concessions, simply see the number of soldiers lost in battle field as figures on paper."  
There was a pause, as Marrue and the others thought about the two teenagers on the ship.  
"Very well, sir." Marrue saluted, smiling. "I'll be sure to deliver that spirit of yours when we reach Alaska."  
Mu smiled as well before joining Marrue. "As a surviving mobile armor pilot that is one order I can not refuse!"  
Halberton saluted to them in return. "I appreciate that."

"Discharge papers?" Tolle asked as Captain Hoffman and Natarle handed the group of teenagers each a sheet of papers.  
"You mean we _were_ soldiers all along?" Miriallia questioned.  
She had just finished a long conversation with her blue-haired friend, and had decided to talk to Tolle about something else. It turned out most of her friends were there. Mai had gone to check things with the Strike.  
"Assigned to the Archangel of the 8th Fleet?" Kuzzy whispered.  
Natarle stared at the remaining sheet in her hand, then looked around the room.  
"Where's Kira Yamato?" she asked, but just sighed after the others looked at each other. "Never mind, just give this to him later."  
Natarle placed the paper on Kira's bed, while Hoffman explained the situation.  
"Though it was an emergency situation, the fact is it's illegal for civilians to take part in combat. We want to avoid any potential problems, so this is our solution. You've been recognized as volunteer soldiers having entered the military, so don't lose those."  
"What about Mai? Is she discharging with us?" Mir asked, hoping for a different answer then the one she already knew.  
The others all looked at her, and all but one began to think about the new addition to their gang. They hadn't known her for long, but they all had grown pretty fond of her.  
Natarle sighed. "Mai Hitamaru has _actually_ volunteered. She will be staying on the Archangel as the new pilot of the Strike."  
Mir frowned. She knew if Mai had wanted to come with them she was more then welcome, but she wouldn't. She wanted to stay.  
Hoffman decided to continue. "Furthermore, any information you have learned on duty is confidential. Even after -"  
"Excuse me?" Flay interrupted from the back of the group.  
Everyone in the group turned around to face her, wondering what she wanted.  
"You were not involved in combat." Natarle said. "Therefore, you do not need to go through these procedures."  
Flay slowly shook her head and stepped in front of the group. "No, that's not what I want to ask. I would like... to join the Earth Alliance Forces."  
"What!?"  
"Fl-Flay?"

Mai sighed, pulling herself out of the Strike by the side of the cockpit. She tossed her hair to the side and looked around the hanger.  
She had checked the Strike's current condition, and decided it would be best not to change anything after all. Kira had done a brilliant job, considering he had changed the program in mid-battle.  
Her feet touched the metal bridge in front of the Strike, and she held on to the railing to stop herself from floating away. Her eyes widened at something she was sure hadn't been there before she went into the Strike. Even without the colors, she knew what it was.  
The GAT - X104 Ecran.  
Mai pushed off the railing and headed towards the new Gundam, managing to grab another railing right in front of it.  
_'How did it get here?'_ she asked herself. _'Did the 8th fleet have it all this time?'_  
"Ensign Hitamaru?"  
At first Mai ignored it, but soon realized it was _her_ that this new voice was asking for. So she turned around, only to see Halberton standing there.  
"You _are_ Ensign Hitamaru, am I correct?"  
Mai blinked, but quickly raised her hand to salute. "It is an honor to meet you, admiral. I apologize; I'm still new to being called an Ensign."  
He nodded, slightly smiling at her. "I was looking for Kira Yamato when I found you instead, and decided to say hello, since I've heard a lot about you. The report says you managed to increase the weapon speed of the Archangel. Is that true?"  
"Yes, sir. But it wasn't all that much." Actually, Mai wondered if the Vesalius even had noticed.  
"Splendid!" he chuckled. "I would like to ask you to do the same to our ships once the shuttle leaves for Earth."  
Mai couldn't believe he had just asked her that. She looked away for a second, knowing if she agreed many more people would die. But this is what she agreed to when she joined the Earth Forces.  
"Of course, sir."  
"Good." He sighed and turned to face the Ecran. "It's a nice feeling that some of your people would help us."  
"Sir?"  
Halberton smiled. "I'm sure you and I will be able to talk again soon, so I wish to talk to Mr. Yamato before he leaves."  
The two saluted each other, but Mai couldn't help but be confused. As he left, she thought about what he meant, and wondered if he thought that Coordinators were monsters.  
"Well, that was interesting..." she whispered once he was out of earshot.  
"Mew!"  
Mai jumped and spun around, seeing her little black companion attempting to float towards her.  
"M-Mewmo? Why are you here?"  
"Meeeeww..."  
She smiled and reached out for her, helping the cat grab a hold of her shoulder. She wasn't like a real cat, but her paws were filled with material to keep her from falling off.  
"Were you upset that I left you?" Mai asked, but Mewmo only tilted her head in return.  
"Well, I..." she cut herself off, feeling her eyes wander to the lift over viewing the hanger.  
_'I wonder...'_

He watched it, running everything that has happened to him in his mind. The Strike towered above him, hiding him in its shadow.  
Kira thought about his best friend. How they met after so long, only to find out he was invading Heliopolis as a soldier.  
How Marrue was forced to push him into the Strikes cockpit, starting everything.  
How he managed to meet someone so nice to him, who barely knew who he was.  
And how he was going to Orb, leaving everything and everyone behind.  
"Suddenly getting nostalgic now that you're disembarking?"  
Kira turned around, coming face-to-face with Halberton, who stepped up beside him.  
"Kira Yamato, I presume. I've read about your actions in the report."  
"Um, yeah..."  
"Hm..." he mumbled, turning to the Strike. "Once again, I can't help but shake my head in amazement at the sheer abilities of you Coordinators. These were only meant to counter Zaft's mobile suits, but with you guys inside piloting them they suddenly become extraordinary super weapons. Not only that, but you're only children. You look and act just like us, but you're genes are altered to make you completely different."  
"I wouldn't go that far!" Kira argued, not trying to be rude.  
Halberton turned back to him, "It has also been explained to me that your parents are Naturals?"  
"Huh? Y-yes sir, that's correct."

**w w w . imeem . com/people/TXpA14w/music/6oDR8cIp/rietanakamizunoakashi/**

"Part of me wonders what they wanted to achieve by making you a Coordinator."  
Kira's eyes widened slightly, considering he had never thought about that before.  
"In any case," he continued, "I'd like nothing more than a way to end this war. A quick one at that."  
_"Mizu no naka ni yoru ga yureteru  
Kanashii hodo shizuka ni tatazumu  
Midorinasu kishibe.  
Utsukushii yoake wo  
Tada matte iraretara  
Kirei na kokoro de."_  
The two looked around, only seeing the blue-haired teenager leaning on a railing, her voice echoing throughout the hanger.  
_"Kurai umi to sora no mukou ni  
Arasoi no nai basho go aruno to  
Osiete kureta no wa dare.  
Dare mo ga tadori tsukenai  
Soretomo dareko no kokoro no naka ni."_  
Even though he had heard that song before, he couldn't help but become shocked at her voice. Halberton didn't notice Kira's red face, or his stare, and instead just chuckled.  
"Well, Lieutenant La Flaga was right; her voice is beautiful."  
The two continued to listen for a while, as did a lot of workers in the hanger.  
_"Ima wa doko nimo nakutemo  
Kitto jibun de te ni ireruno  
Itsumo, itsuka, kitto."_  
"Sir!" Someone yelled, tearing their attention away from the song. A soldier ran up to Halberton, saluting to show his place on the military food chain. "The Menelaos would like you back at once."  
Halberton sighed. "Here we go again. They just won't let me have a decent chat with you guys!"  
"Ah..."  
"What I really wanted was to thank you for protecting the Archangel and Strike up until now," he saluted. "May you live to see the dawn of a better era."  
Following the other soldier, he began to float away.  
"Sir!" Kira called after him, and he turned.  
_"Mizu no akashi wo kono te ni  
Subete no honoo wo nomikonde nao."_  
"Ahh... so what happens now to the Archangel, and to Lieutenant Ramius and Mai?"  
"The Archangel will be heading to Earth just the way it is. So they'll be returning to the battlefield. Ensign Hitamaru will be defending it."  
"Well, admiral, I thought -"  
"I know exactly what you're concerned about; you posses certain abilities that are very attractive to our military. However it's not as if we would be sure of victory if we had two Coordinators, wars not that simple. Don't flatter yourself."  
_"Anata no te wo tori."_  
"B-but, if I had the power to make a difference, then shouldn't I put it to good use?"  
The soldier told Halberton that they must go, but he raised his hand to silence him.  
"Only if you have the will to do it! Anyone who lacks the will never does see it to the end; your friend seems to understand that."  
And with that he left, leaving Kira with his thoughts.

"Do you realize what you're saying?" Natarle asked the redhead in front of her.  
Flay nodded slowly. "Look, I'm not saying this just for the fun of it. I've thought about ever since my father died; when they destroyed his ship."  
"That means you must be the daughter of Vice Minister Allstar." Hoffman questioned.  
"Yes; My name if Flay Allstar. I was in deep shock when I lost my father... All I could think about was how I couldn't bare what happened, and how I didn't want to be where I was. But when we joined up with the Fleet, and I realized I could finally land safely on Earth, I couldn't help feeling uneasy about something."  
"Uneasy?" Natarle asked.  
"Should we now let ourselves feel safe? Will we finally able to live in peace? I don't see how it's possible; a war is still being fought on Earth, and in space. The truth is that I never gave the matter much thought while living in neutral territory. My father was desperately working to find a way to end this war. If this is how it is, if true peace and true security can only be secured by our willingness to fight, then so be it! I am prepared to inherit my fathers will and fight!"  
"Flay..." Sai whispered.  
Flay began to sob into her hands as Sai wrapped his hands around her. "Even though my abilities may not end up being of any use..."  
Once Natarle and Hoffman had left with the upset redhead, Sai turned to the others.  
"Like she said, a war is still being fought on Earth and in space..."  
They looked at each other before staring at their papers.

Kira looked around for his friends as he waited near the shuttle. A line of passengers in front of him waited for their turned as well. He saw a little girl, who smiled and began to float towards him.  
"Come back, Elle!" her mother called after her.  
The girl, Elle, laughed and hugged Kira, then reached into her bag, pulling out a small, paper flower. Just like the ones that they sent over the ruins of Junius 7.  
"Thank you for protecting the rest of us until now," she told him.  
At first he was shocked and confused, but then he smiled, bending down to her level.  
He took the flower from her hand, "Thank you for this."  
Again she laughed and turned around, heading back to her mother. But once she was there, she waved back at Kira.

The group stopped, staring at one of their members when they heard the sound of ripping paper.  
"Sai!" Tolle said.  
"What Flay expressed was exactly my sentience as well," he explained, letting his paper fall to the floor. Sai smiled. "Besides, it wouldn't be right for me to leave her alone, now would it?"  
Tolle smiled, and ripped his own paper as well.  
Miriallia called his name, shocked at what he had done.  
"The officer said the Archangel _is_ short handed. I'd feel partly responsible if sometime down the road it got shot down."  
Mir nodded, and did the same.  
"You too, Mir?" Tolle asked.  
She nodded, "If you're planning to stay Tolle, then so am I."  
The group heard another rip, and turned to look at their last member: Kuzzy.  
"You're all staying; can't expect me to leave."  
"You're a fool, Tolle said to Sai.  
"So are you," he answered.  
"You're the fool."  
"Guess you're right."  
Together they laughed, but shortly their conversation continued a little more.  
"Mai will be happy that we're not leaving." Mir told them.  
Tolle nodded, turning to Kira's bed. "Yeah, but he'll be leaving, won't he? S'pose so..."

_"Brother!"  
"Come on, Mai! You have to keep up!"  
"Brother, wait for me, please!"  
"Haha! You're so slow!"  
"Big brother! Wait!"  
"They're waitin__g for us! We have to hurry!"  
"Ah!!"  
"MAI!!"_

She sighed at her once lost memory, and shook her head. Why did it have to be _that_ memory she had to remember? The one that had changed the way Athrun had treated her when they were younger.  
Mai looked to the combat uniform neatly folded in her hands, one that looked exactly like Kira's. No, that was wrong; it _was_ his. Her's was still in her new locker.  
But she had discovered something while she was cleaning out his locker, like Marrue had asked:  
She had become addicted to his scent in the short time she'd known him.  
Mai sighed again, but this time in defeat, and let her hair fall around her face before placing his uniform into the box at her feet. All she really wanted to do was crawl into a corner and sulk under her own little cloud of sadness and confusion, but she refused to let herself do that. She had to be strong, for her mother's sake.  
**"All hands, level one battle stations!"**  
"Mew?" a familiar noise sounded from behind her as the sirens rang in her ears.  
She had forgotten about the poor little robot, and gave her an apologetic smile. "Sorry; I got carried away."  
And after that, she opened her own locker, got changed, and her and her companion went off towards the hanger. She was completely oblivious to the small, chained necklace stuck on Kira Yamato's locker.

"Kira!"  
The brown-haired boy turned around, seeing his friends float towards him.  
"Finally!" he said once they reached him, "I couldn't find any of you guys, so I..."  
Tolle placed a rolled up paper into his hand, cutting him off. "This is meant for you; it's your discharge papers."  
Kira blinked at them, questioning their behavior.  
"You're going alone," Sai explained, "We've all decided to remain here."  
Tolle nodded, "Yeah. With the Archangel; the military."  
Kira couldn't remember the last time he was so confused. "You're staying? What do you mean?"  
"Flay decided to volunteer, -" that didn't help "-so we decided we'd do the same."  
**"All hands, level one battle stations!"**  
"You over there!" A man from the shuttle called. "We're leaving!"  
"Uh, please wait a moment! He's coming!" Tolle called back, earning Kira's attention again. "Think of this as destiny; so long. Help us by making sure you get to Earth safely."  
Tolle pushed Kira towards the shuffle, and at the same time he and the rest of the group headed for the bridge. If they weren't trying to make him feel bad, it wasn't working.  
"Keep yourself alive!" Sai called as they floated away.  
"No matter what happens please don't be tempted to join Zaft!"  
Miriallia smiled, enjoying an inside joke, before she said: "I'll make sure to tell Mai you said goodbye!"  
Before he knew it, they were gone, and the soldier was nagging at him.  
"Listen, if you're getting on, make it quick!"  
It was becoming hard for him to inhale, to feed his lungs, and the two soldiers past behind him didn't help.  
"Lieutenant La Flaga will be launching in the Zero. It's fine; we finished the repairs."  
He realized how hard it was to fill his lungs, almost as if he was drowning in his surroundings. He stared at his hands - one holding the paper flower and the other his discharge papers and voices began to overflow his mind.  
_"Thank you for protecting the rest of us till now."  
"Just because my genes are a little different doesn't mean I'm not human."  
"I imagine things will be hectic, even on Earth."  
"We're all looking towards the same future."  
"Kira, you have the power to make a difference, don't you? So why not put it to good use?"  
"I can't go back, not now."  
"I need you to understand."_  
Kira crumbled the discharge papers in his hand, throwing it behind him as he floated off, yelling to the man in front of the shuttle.  
"Please, go without me!"

Her breathing was heavy as she waited in the Strike, holding her stomach with her crossed hands.  
Mai didn't feel sick like before, but now she was scared. She was alone; her brother probably thought she was dead, her father, too; she was most likely going to kill people, whether she wanted to or not. She was almost hyperventilating. Mewmo seemed to know Mai was troubled, and kept tying to play a certain lullaby that her mother used to sing, but was stopped every time.  
The cockpit was open, but no one was paying her any attention. Most of them were helping Mu with his Moebius Zero, and he didn't seem to like this.  
"That doesn't go there!" he yelled at them. "Be careful; not like that!"  
Hearing this made her smile a little: At least he was there. He was already like a big brother to her.  
"Are you feeling okay?" someone asked, and Mai realized it was him.  
How he got there, she didn't know, but all she could seem to do was nod.  
"You're probably just nervous; it'll get better."  
She tried to smile, managing to squeeze her stomach harder without him noticing.  
He chuckled, "I think it's about time they work on female suits, don't you agree? That male suit does not do you justice."  
That made her laugh.  
She knew he wasn't being perverted (well, sort of, she knew better than to ignore words like those); instead he was trying to change the subject to ease her mind.  
"Thank you," she said, smiling up at him.  
He smiled back, "Anytime."  
"Mew?" They turned to the forgotten black robot.  
"Why's that here?" he asked her.  
"She followed me here, and she won't leave. It's actually kind of comforting..."  
"Alright, then. Just don't let it get in the way, alright?"  
She nodded, and he floated away.  
"See what trouble you cause me?"  
Mewmo only tilted her head to the side, making Mai laugh again, but with less enthusiasm.  
The minutes seemed to just drag by, until Mai left the comfort of the Strike to check on the battle. She saw Mu, and automatically she knew he was arguing with Marrue over the comlink.  
"Hey! Why are we still on standby?" he questioned loudly. There was talk on the other side, which she couldn't hear as she approached. "Those four machines are it again! The Eighth Fleet is in trouble!"  
He nodded to Mai when he noticed her, and she was close enough to hear.  
**"Lieutenant La Flaga..."** Marrue's annoyed voice said on the other line.  
"It's not as if my mobile armour and Mai's Strike will make much of a difference, but still..."  
"We have to try," Mai agreed.  
Marrue looked at them both, then sighed. **"Our ship hasn't been signalled to join in yet; please remain on standby."**  
"But that's..." Mu started, but she turned the comlink off.  
End of discussion, that's basically what she meant.  
Mu sighed, looking at Mai. "I guess we'll have to wait."  
She nodded, and he went back to arguing with the crewmembers.  
Back in the Strike, she tried to sleep, but it was no use. Nothing could possibly cause her to relax, not at that time. Not while she was preparing for battle.  
**"All hands prepare for atmospheric entry interface!"** someone yelled over the intercom, and Mai heard Mu and the mechanic, Kojiro, start their own little argument.  
"Descending?" Mu questioned. "With the situation were in?"  
"What good is it gonna do to yell at me?" Kojiro snapped back. "But I guess it's better than sitting around doing nothing."  
_'Maybe... maybe I won't have to fight, after all...'_  
Mewmo, still attaching herself to Mai's shoulder, tilted her head again. Mai sighed, slowly closing her eyes, wishing for sleep.  
"Even if we lose the Zaft ships and Ginns..." her eyes opened in shock, her breathing stopped completely, "There's still those four machines."  
Her heart started beating rapidly in her chest as she reached for the edge of the cockpit, pulling herself out. She spun in the direction of the older men's earlier conversation, only seeing the last person she thought she would, and her breathing started again. Only, it was heavy, as if her lungs were full of water. If her grip on the edge hadn't been threateningly tight, she would have floated away.  
"Hey, Kid!" Kojiro called.  
Kira nodded towards him. "I'll stand by in the Strike. Still at level one battle stations, right?"  
Finally, their eyes met, and he smiled. Still confused, she reached her hand out towards him, and he took it, bringing himself to a stop.  
"Kira?" Mai started, but only realized how hard it was to speak. "Why are you -?"  
"I'll take over the Strike; you didn't change anything, did you?"  
Slowly, unsure of what to do, she nodded.  
"That's good."  
"Why... what made you come back?"  
Kira smiled, before using their still connected hands to pull her closer, into a hug. Her heart stopped again, shocked at this movement, and she felt the red in her cheeks.  
"I guess it was my will to protect," he whispered.  
When he pulled them apart, she felt him close her hand, and cold metal froze her skin.  
"I found that in the locker room; it has your name on it."  
Kira turned away, heading into the cockpit where she had just been. She stared at her hand, seeing her locket, with _Mai_ engraved on the front.  
Mai looked up to see the cockpit beginning to close. "Wait, Kira -!"  
She wanted to tell him to get out, and tell him that this was her job, but she couldn't. He had smiled at her right before it closed, and the words were taking out of her mouth.

_'What am I going to do now...?'_  
"Mew?"  
Mai turned her head to her, forgetting the robot, which had started to rub her cold head against the teenagers cheek.  
**"The Duel and Buster have broken through!"**  
"Lieutenant La Flaga!"  
"Yeah, I know! Marrue; let us fight until the last second!"  
**"Don't be ridiculous! You want us to..."**  
Mai didn't hear the rest. Instead, she felt herself being drawn to _it_, almost like a magnet.  
The Ecran.  
If she couldn't fight in the Strike, after all that time she had to prepare, she'd find another way.  
It was just pure luck that another way was there, or maybe it was curse. She was, after all, a good luck charm and a bad one.  
"I'm not going to let them fight alone!"

_In life, we're all forced to make many choices. But I don't think any of us ever had to make a choice as tough as her's._

Miriallia Haw


	7. Entry Seven

**A ****Fallen Star (Kira Yamato) Entry Seven**

**Yay! xD See Blitz12? I can be fast! **

**Anyway, here's the next chapter. For all of those people wondering, as much as I hate Flay, she still has normal appearances. Unfortunately, in my opinion. As the story procedes, she actually has a purpose. (Gasp!)**

**I just wanted to thank those who take time to review, and it means a lot to me. :3**

**So, on that note, R & R!! And don't be shy about asking any questions!**

* * *

"_They say that blood is thicker than water. Maybe that's why we battle our own with more energy and gusto than we would ever expend on strangers."  
__David Assael_

**ENTRY SEVEN: NO RETREAT**

She had to do this.  
In her mind she knew this was probably the most stupid thing she could do, but her heart didn't care. Her friends have always told her that it was easy for her heart to control her emotions.  
It seemed as if the Ecran had reacted to her thoughts; the second the cockpit had closed the machine was on and ready to go. The thought about rewriting the data disappeared, replaced by the adrenaline pumping in her veins.  
Her breathing became uneasy as she pulled back the on the lever beside her seat, yelling at the workers to open the hatch. They did, and after arguing with Miriallia, Mai launched.  
"Here we go!"  
The thrill of the world running past her and her Gundam made her heart jump, and she couldn't help but smile, but it fell once she saw the reality in front of her.  
"Kira!"  
**"Mai?"** She heard him question.  
She raised her head to the comlink above her, knowing the Ecran's signal would only reach the Strike, and smiled once she saw Kira on the screen.  
"Need some help?"

**"What the hell? Another one?"** The silver haired boy snapped, confused and frustrated at the same time.  
Nicol sighed at his impatience.  
Only the other three Zaft pilots, and a certain nosy mechanic, could hear their conversation.  
**"I thought there was only supposed to be five of them!"** - Dearka  
**"I've never seen it before..."** Athrun mumbled.  
"It's called the Ecran."  
Everyone focused on the Blitz, and Nicol knew that he had only made them more puzzled.  
"We don't have time for this now!"

"What the hell do they think they're doing, sending out the Ecran like this?" Hoffman snapped.  
Halberton slammed his fist on his armrest, anger plain on his face. "Damn!"

The fight continued.  
Mu and Dearka; Kira and Yzak; Nicol and the remaining Eighth Fleet ships.  
Mais' heart dropped when she realized who was left. Out of all the people she could've fought, it had to be _him_: her own flesh and blood.  
**"Damn you naturals!"** Athrun yelled, constantly firing his beam rifle.  
The Ecran danced around the Aegis, doing its best to dodge the shots. Mai knew she didn't have the courage to fight him; the throbbing in her throat told her so.  
**"So, the Earth Forces have more of these murderous machines..."** he mumbled.  
Her eyes widened, and she looked to the screen, only to see it was off. She continued to search the cockpit, until she found what she was looking for.  
She knew she shouldn't have been able to hear her beloved brothers' voice.  
"Mew?"  
"Mewmo!" Mai hissed, quickly pulling on a lever to make the dodging games continue.  
The small black robot had opened one of its compartments and plugged itself into the Ecran's computer. It had hacked its way into the Aegis system, creating an instant one-way radio conversation.  
**"You're all beginning to bug me!"** she heard Mu yell.  
Athrun shot again, but he took another approach, shooting where the Ecran would be instead of where it was. She ducked, as if she knew his move before he made it, and that confused him.  
**"How the hell... You don't fight like a natural!"**  
Mai began to shake, not losing her control on the Ecran even once. Mewmo looked at her.  
"This was a horrible, horrible mistake Mewmo..." Mai whimpered. "I should never have done this... I should have stayed..."  
_Stayed?_ Some part of her mocked, _so we can sign autographs and wait impatiently for brother to return?_

She shook her head, loose tears floating in her helmet.  
**"Damn naturals... this war... My sister's dead because of you!!"**  
Her eyes widened; her heart stopped, and her breathing became heavy. One of her many fears had come true.  
_He thinks I'm dead?_  
**"Athrun!"** a familiar voice called. **"You have to calm down!"**  
Nicol.  
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, brother..."  
**"You can't keep this up!"** Kira yelled as he fought the Duel.  
For the first time, she had let her guard down, and in that small moment Athrun had destroyed her rifle. She froze.  
**"Mai! Are you okay?"** Mai looked up slowly to the screen, seeing a worried teenage girl staring back at her. **"If it's too much for you, come back to the ship!"**  
Her words etched into Mai's brain.  
Was her friend telling her she was a coward? Maybe that's exactly what she was, unable to protect her friends because she was afraid to hurt her brother. Unable to protect her brother because she was afraid to hurt her friends. She was pathetic; she was not right for this.  
But did she really believe in kill or be killed?

"_Look, big brother!"  
Athrun Zala, age eleven, turned around to look at his sister. She ran up to him, laughing and smiling, so he couldn't help but smile back.  
They were at a beach several miles from their home, on Junius 7. A small cliff lead to a forest, and a mile away their parents waited for them to come so the family picnic could begin.  
The twins were dressed for the occasion, Mai in a small white dress and a hat given to her mother, and Athrun in a plain shirt and shorts. They went to the beach almost every Sunday in the summer.  
Mai brought her closed hands up to him, and opened her palms. A bright pink seashell glimmered in the sunlight.  
"Isn't it pretty?" she asked him. He nodded.  
"We should go back."  
"Okay!"_

Her brother fired again, and instead of dodging, she slammed her shield into the Aegis torso. This move only knocked him back.  
She wouldn't let him destroy the ones she fought for, but she also wasn't going to let him or his team get hurt either.  
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a Zaft ship head straight towards the Earth Alliance, firing in all the directions.  
_Is it sacrificing itself?_ Mai asked herself.  
Something else caught her attention; she and Athrun were getting to close to Earth.  
"No..."  
Mai knew the Aegis wouldn't last the gravitational pull, and she wouldn't let him die.

So their game began.  
She flew away from him, away from Earth, and headed towards the Vesalius. Not getting too close was the plan. It was almost like a game of tag they had played when they were younger.

That made her smile sadly.  
**"Damn you!"** Mu yelled again.  
**"Stop running away, coward!"**  
Athrun shot again, and the Ecran spun out of the way, still leading the Aegis closer to the Zaft ship.  
Mai reached above her, and started pressing buttons according to her plan. She was about the pull the lever, but she heard a voice through Athruns comlink that made her stop.  
**"The Gamow, the - Athrun!"** Nicol called, and his warning made Athrun turn around.  
_"No!"_  
She was lucky that the Ecran was built lighter than the Aegis, because that made it faster and more agile. The Ecran sped around the other Gundam and blocked its path, holding a beam saber between them.  
**"Move, damn it!"**  
"I won't let you die!"  
A light to the left of her chair began to flash, gaining her attention. The Menelaos had released the refugee shuttle right in the middle of battle. Mai didn't have long to think about it.  
**"Damn! That's as long as I can go,"** Mu cursed, retreating to the Archangel.  
A message appeared on her target screen in front of her, ordering her to retreat as well, but she ignored it.  
Athrun tried to get past her, and like last time she stopped him. The saber slashed at the Aegis, destroying its left arm. Knowing he shouldn't continue, her brother cursed before heading back to the Vesalius.  
_"Go ahead and hate me,_" she whispered._ "At least you're safe."_  
A large explosion regained her attention from the Aegis; the Gamow was gone.  
**"Captain Zalmen!"** Nicol cried.  
Mai buried her guilt as she tore herself away from the destruction. It was time for her to head back to the Archangel; The Ecran was getting low on power.  
She got there on time to watch Mu hook on to the ship as it prepared for atmospheric interphase. As she did the same, she noticed the Strike wasn't with them.  
"Where's Kira?" she muttered.  
She saw he was still battling the Duel.  
**"Where are you, kid?"** Mu shouted.  
She heard Kira's battle as she watched it from a distance. The Menelaos was already gone.  
**"You're finished!"** Yzak growled.  
**"You won't defeat me!"**

Mai was safe, Mu was safe, but Kira hadn't made it time. And he wasn't going to make it back to the ship before it hurdled towards Earth.  
Mu knew that, too. **"Why'd you do it, kid?"**  
"Kira!" she cried.  
**"Don't worry; I'll be fine."**  
The Duel continued to shoot, and Kira sped around him. He kicked off the Duel to gain extra speed as he headed towards the Archangel with the others. Yzak raised his rifle towards the fleeing Strike, but stopped when something got in the way.  
"That's the --!"  
**"No! The shuttle from the Menelaos!"**  
**"What is this?"** she heard Yzak question.  
**"Don't do it!"**  
"They're only civilians!"  
But before Kira and Mai could do anything, Yzak fired, and the shuttle exploded.  
_"No..."_ Her thoughts were lost when Kira's cry came over her radio.  
"NOOO!!"

Mai couldn't stop her tears from falling as she watched him fall. It was like her heart had shattered, her blood froze, and her breathing was heavy. Her hands started trembling on the levers they were resting on.

_"I guess it was my will to protect."_

_**  
**_**This war...  
**

_"Mai, calm down!"  
"Mother; mother was there! She - she can't -!"  
"Please, stop crying..."  
"Oh brother, J- Junius 7! It's -"  
"I know! I know..."_

_  
"I don't understand how you can be so happy when there's a war going on!"_

**There are so many people dying...**

_"What does your heart tell you to do?"  
"Your words don__'t help me very much, Lacus..."_

**  
I must stop this killing; no matter what it takes. ****  
**

She closed her eyes, before making herself a promise.  
"For everything I've ever believed in!"

Mai opened them again, and even though she didn't know it, they weren't the same. The irises were a dark blue at the top, and became lighter near the bottom.  
Her seed had broken.  
The Ecran detached itself from the Archangel, and sped towards the falling Strike.  
**"Ensign Hitamaru, come back here!"** Marrue shouted.  
Once she was close, her Gundam was surrounded by the same red light, but she continued to push forward.  
**"What are you doing, kid?"** - Mu  
The Ecran reached out and held on to the Strike, and they both fell towards the Earth.

"This is Alaska," he explained, poking a blue coloured area on a map behind him. "And this is _our_ location." He dragged his finger to the red area of the map.  
Mu sighed. "We couldn't have picked a worse place to land; were smack dab in Zaft controlled territory."  
"There wasn't much choice." Marrue muttered. "We were lucky that Ensign Hitamaru did what she did, as reckless as it was. Most likely Kira would not be with us if she didn't."  
"She saved his life."  
"How are they doing?" she asked.  
"Mai woke up a while ago, but I think she went back to sleep. I don't blame the poor girl; that was tough for her first battle."  
"You think?"  
"Yeah, well... the doctor wouldn't let me go see how she was doing..."  
Marrue chuckled. "I see."  
"Kira still has a high fever. It's strange..."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Well, Kojiro said something that's been bothering me..."  
"What?"  
Mu hesitated before answering. "She wouldn't come out right away when she brought the Ecran and the Strike back, so they had to force the cockpit open, and..."  
"And?"  
"You know, you're asking a lot of questions."  
Marrue sighed, "Just answer."  
"He said she didn't notice anyone around her at first, but just muttered, 'I'm sorry.' When he finally got her attention, and she looked up, her eyes were like nothing he's ever seen before. Like they were dead."

_"Big Brother!" _  
Her eyes shot open and she gasped for breath. The dream still fresh in her mind.  
It had been the exact dream as before: a young Mai wandering through a dead city.  
Mai rolled on her side, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs. She closed her eyes before taking a deep breath. Tears from her dream rolled down her cheek to her pillow, and she wiped them away. Moments like that was when she wanted her mother the most.  
When she was young, a lot of nights were interrupted by nightmares. She'd wake up and start crying to herself, and before she knew it, her mother would already be comforting her. It had been as if no matter what the distance, her mother knew when Mai needed her.  
But she was gone.  
Part of her felt empty now that her brother thought he had lost her, too. It broke her heart to know how much pain she was putting him through.  
Mai decided to check on Kira, who had been asleep since they landed on Earth. She couldn't remember much of what happened after the shuttle had exploded, but she woke up in the hospital wing and the doctor explained where the Archangel was. She convinced him she was fine, and went back to her room. Mai really had been fine, but once she spent some time thinking about everything, her fever crept back and she fell asleep again.  
She remembered something. Sitting up and looking back to her pillow, she found what she was looking for; what she had been staring at before she fell asleep. It was half hidden under the pillow.  
Sadly, she stared at the pictures in the open locket.  
On the left was her and her brother on their twelve birthday, both smiling and laughing as Junari tried to take their picture. The other picture was of their mother in a hospital bed, holding two newborn children in her arms.  
She closed it slowly before placing it back around her neck and hiding it under her uniform.

"So, as I said, despite his fever there's no sign of infection, and no internal damage either."  
Mai only half listened to the doctor explaining things to the others. She was sitting on a bed in the hospital wing, across from Kira's bed. Her back was against the wall and she was hugging her knees. She watched as Flay dabbed his forehead with a wet cloth.  
Miriallia, Tolle, Sai and Kuzzy stood around the doctor as he sat at his desk, his arms crossed.  
"Right now, we can't do much more than giving him liquids and trying to lower his body temperature."  
"That's it?" Sai questioned.  
The doctor nodded. "Well, this is the first time I've ever had to give medical treatment to a Coordinator. I don't claim to be an expert when it comes to diagnosing his symptoms. However, what I do understand is that their physical functions are far greater than ours." He paused, and in that time Mai knew that Mir had turned to her. "So, if I were you, I wouldn't worry too much about it."  
"But still..." Sai argued.  
"He may look the same as the rest of us," the doctor continued, but his internal capabilities are completely different.  
Even though she barely knew him, his constant rambling about their differences made her head throb.  
"A body that possesses greater strength," she said, gaining everyone's attention. "And a mind capable of gaining more knowledge." Seeing their reaction, she smiled softly. "Am I right?"  
"Exactly," the doctor agreed. While he continued to talk, Mir came to sit beside her friend. "No disease will develop in that system. Sure, if he gets shot he'll die, and he may at times be confined to a bed with fever, but the chances of that happening to him is far less than to any of us."  
"You okay?" Mir asked Mai quietly.  
Mai nodded slowly. "I will be."  
"Did you hear how high the temperature got in their cockpits?" - Doctor  
He went on for a couple more minutes, but was soon interrupted by Mu from outside the room.  
**"La Flaga here; I'm coming in."**  
Once he was inside, he stopped and stared at everyone, since no one said anything to him.  
"Ahh... Is there something I should know?" he wondered.  
Mai smiled at him when they made eye contact, laughing to herself. Mu raised an eyebrow.  
"No, no," the doctor said. "Nothing's wrong. I was taking the time to explain to these young people..."

Her head started to bob, and she flinched awake. It only took her a couple more seconds to close her eyes again.  
Mai was the only one left after everyone else was gone. The doctor told them to leave Kira alone, but she stayed to keep an eye on him. Like he had when they first met. She had been there for several hours already.  
"Meeeeewwww..." The robot cat whined.  
Mai looked at it through the corner of her eye, seeing Mewmo crouched down and staring up at the bedpost. A small green and yellow bird watched her wave her tail.  
Miriallia had explained that his close friend had made the bird for Kira. Its name was Birdy.

She hugged her knees, resting her head on her knees.

Birdy was the exact robotic animal Athrun had made for his friend. She knew that, but no matter how hard she searched her memories, there was nothing.  
"Birdy?" It sounded, and Mewmo hissed at it.  
Mai smiled.  
When she turned back to Kira, their eyes met, and her smile only widened.  
"Good morning," she said happily, walking over to his beside.  
"M-Mai?" he stuttered.  
It would take him a moment to get used to his voice again. She had done that, too.  
"Yep. The one and only."  
Kira tried to sit up, but Mai quickly pulled him back down.  
"You can't get up yet, Kira; you still need your rest. You've been out for a while."  
He nodded slowly. "Where... Where am I?"  
"The hospital wing; you were unconscious when we landed on the ship. Well, I didn't last long either..."  
"We? So then --"  
"Yeah. We landed on Earth last night, in the desert."

"Huh? Kira's already regained consciousness?"  
Tolle nodded. "Yeah, it happened just a little while ago."  
"They think he's okay, so he's been transferred back to his room." Sai explained as well. "Mai told us when she came to get his meal."  
"Really..." Mir muttered, and she smiled slightly.  
As if on cue, the door opened, and a peppy Mai walked in holding two empty food trays. Mewmo followed shortly after her owner walked into the room, and floated over to Mir.  
"Hi, guys." She said.  
"Hey, Mai," Mir answered first. The others said there hello's shortly after.  
"You four on a shift change?"  
They nodded.  
"How's Kira?" Mir asked.  
Still smiling, she started to fill an empty glass with water from the cooler on the wall. "One thing's for sure, he has his appetite back. Other than that he seems all right. The doctor told him to stay in bed today, so I'm bringing him some water."  
Tolle chuckled. "You seem really cheerful."  
"Yeah, well, unlike you guys, I can't really do much until a battle rolls around. I'm happy to have something to do, that's all."  
"You must be tired," said Sai. "You spent most of the night be Kira's side."  
Mai flinched slightly, and hoped no one would notice.  
It was almost as if she could _hear_ Miriallia smirking, and she glared at the second glass.  
"I-I'll be fine. As I said, I have nothing else to do."  
_And I feel responsible as well... _she thought, but she kept that to herself.  
"You should rest; I'll take that to Kira."  
Mai turned around to the new voice, only to see Flay suddenly behind her. She wasn't smiling, but she wasn't glaring at either. Mai hadn't seen her when she walked in.  
"Um, I'm fine. Really..."  
Flay didn't let her finish and took one of the glasses from her hand. "I insist. Besides, it's vital that he gets better as quickly as possible."  
_Vital?_  
Mai watched her turn around. "Okay then…"  
She could tell everyone else was as confused as she was. Sai stood and grabbed onto Flays' retreating figure. "Now wait just a minute --"  
"What?" Flay snapped, spinning around to glare at him.  
Immediately, Sai removed his hand. Her reaction had shocked him. "Well, nothing really, but -"  
"Look Sai," she interrupted, "our relationship was something decided by my father. As you can see, he's no longer around." Flay turned away.  
Mai only had a small idea of what was going on; Mir had filled her in on most things.  
Flay gave him a small and sad smile. "It was only a verbal agreement: our situation has totally changed since then! So that shouldn't tie us down any longer."  
She turned and walked out of the room, and into hall.  
"F-Flay, I really don't --"  
Too late, she was already gone.  
Sai, out of words, just stared after her. Sadly, Mai turned away, feeling something tug at her heart.  
She had no idea what it was.

She sighed.  
Sleeping hadn't worked. She had tried to see how Kira was doing, but something stopped her from entering the room. After that, she had tried her laptop, and couldn't focus. So she tried the last thing she could think of.  
Her new toy.  
It wasn't exactly a toy rather than a large suit of fancy coloured armor, but it would do.  
The Ecran's' system was a little different than the Strikes'. The part she'd enjoy the most was that she could reprogram this one herself.  
She yawned and stretched her arms out in front of her. She had spent at least an hour typing away.  
"Hey kid!" someone called.  
Mai flinched; she had been in her own little world for the longest time. Kojiro's voice seemed almost foreign.  
Holding on to the edge of the cockpit, she pulled herself out to answer. Once she was standing on the edge she quickly tightened her grip. The Ecran cockpit was high, and there was gravity again. One wrong move and she'd fall to her doom.  
"Yeah?" she answered.  
She watched Kojiro raise his hand to show her something. She saw it was a folded garbage bag.  
"Mind giving me a hand?"

Kojiro had asked for her help to clean out the Strike's cockpit, because he couldn't find anyone else who wasn't busy. When they got there he had complained about how messy Kira was; Mai giggled.  
As she held the bag open, Kojiro began to throw the trash inside. Mai was amazed how right he had been; Kira was _very_ messy.  
"That's strange..." Kojiro mumbled after a while.  
Mai tilted her head a little. "What? What's strange?"  
He reached inside, pulling something out of the cockpit. He showed it to her and she took it from his hands.  
It was a small, paper flower.

Miriallia had told her about Junius 7.  
Not everything, Mai guessed, but she told her how they had been there, and how they sent out several bundles of paper flowers. She told her that because of her mother, and Mai thanked her for it.  
Mai twirled the flower between her fingers as she wondered what the meaning of the paper really was. Once she reached Kira's room, she'd asked him what it meant.  
She pressed the button on Kira's door; she had decided to knock before going in.  
"Kira?"  
"Yeah?"  
She opened the door and walked inside. Kira smiled from his bed.  
It was hard on her to smile back.  
"Kojiro found this in the Strike; I told him I'd bring it to you," she explained.  
Kira stood, and Birdy flew off his shoulder and landed on the desk. Mewmo was still with Mir.  
"Birdy!"  
"It has to be yours, right?" she continued. She watched the bird tilt its head. "No one else really has access to the Strike. I do, and Kojiro does, but I think that's it."  
He still didn't answer, so she looked up at him. Her half-smile fell.  
Kira was shaking as he slowly walked towards her.  
"Kira?" she questioned. Still no answer. "Are you okay?"  
He reached out to her hand and touched the flower.  
"O-oh yeah..." He took the flower and turned away. "Thank... thank you."  
She tilted her head and walked around him so he was facing her again. His hair covered his eyes.  
"Is something wrong, Kira?" she reached out to touch him, but stopped herself.  
A tear fell of his cheek and to the floor.  
"Kira?"  
"That little girl..." he muttered. His shaking increased. "I couldn't... I couldn't save her..."  
Mai's eyes widened a little, and she felt the tears gather in her own eyes. She finally understood.  
The flower. The small girl who gave it to him; the escape shuttle. Yzak and the Duel.  
"Kira..."  
Suddenly, he collapsed on his knees, and in response Mai quickly fell to help him. Kira clutched his stomach as if he was going to be ill. Mai felt so helpless. She didn't want to see him like this. Not him; not anybody.  
"Kira... Kira, please." She whimpered, and a tear fell from her own eyes. "You... we tried our best."  
Kira slowly looked at her, and for the first time she saw the horror in his eyes.  
And before she knew it, her arms wrapped around him, and she let him cry. Her tears were falling for many reasons, but at that moment, they were falling for him.

_What do you do when everything you believe in is suddenly gone? Do you give up or do you continue fighting? What else was I supposed to do, while my family was slowly being destroyed?"  
Athrun Zala _


	8. Entry Eight

**A Fallen Star (Kira Yamato) Entry Eight**

**Wow. I actually did another one. Considering how sick I am... (Sweatdrop)**

**Anyways, the next one will probably be out next week, cause I'm going on a family trip. Yay. xP**

**My wonderful, awesome new friend Blitz12 drew a picture of Mai and Kira, so can someone tell me how to get links on here?**

**R & R!!**

* * *

"_But when a young lady is to be a heroine, the perverseness of forty surrounding families cannot prevent her. Something must and will happen to throw a hero in her way."  
__Jane Austen_

**ENTRY EIGHT: INTO CHAOS**

"Come on," she sighed. "Can't you put it on properly?"  
Her companion yawned and stretched, walking out of their room first. Miriallia shook her head, fixing his jacket, which he had tried to put on himself.  
"If you arrive on the bridge looking like that, you know you're just going to be yelled at the Lieutenant Badgiruel," she lectured.  
Tolle yawned again and shrugged. He was used to his girlfriend talking to him like this.  
"Hey, Flay?" they heard. The two turned, looking down the hall to the right. In one of the doorways, was Sai, staring inside that room. "Sorry to bother you so late, but, uh… listen; I couldn't find the time to sit and talk with you until now."  
Tolle and Miriallia faced each other, and she raised her finger to her lips. They quietly stepped around the corner, heading in the opposite direction.  
"Hey, can you please get up so we can talk?"  
Sai, unknown to him, was only talking to an empty room.

"I had no idea they were actually engaged," Tolle whispered.  
Mir, walking beside him, shook her head.  
"They weren't engaged," she told him. "It was something they only discussed."  
"How's that so different?"  
They turned a corner.  
"Flay's been acting really strange," Tolle said.  
"Yeah."  
Stranger than either of them have ever seen, and Mir had the feeling it was tearing their group apart.  
"It hadn't got to the point that she actually _hated_ Kira, but…"  
Tolle nodded. "She sure does hate Coordinators, though."  
Miriallia frowned; was the only reason the death of her father? Mir didn't see how people like Mai and Kira could possibly be hated.  
He continued, "Flay was in the grade behind us, but you two used to hang out in the same crowd, so we did bump into her from time-to-time. Kira would always go on about how cute she was. I just hope this situation doesn't get to ugly."  
Maybe it already was, she thought, maybe it was already heading that direction.  
Mir sighed. "Poor Mai…."  
Tolle raised an eyebrow, turning to her. "What does this have to do with her?"  
They turned another corner.  
"Oh, you are so naïve!"  
Tolle shrugged and looked up again, but stopped in his tracks.  
"Uh, speaking of Mai…"  
Mir stopped as well, looked at him, then followed his gaze.  
Sure enough, near the end of the hall was the blue haired teenager, holding on to the side railing with both hands.  
"Mai?" Miriallia called.  
She didn't look up, just continued to walk with a blank expression, until she collapsed a couple steps later.  
"Mai!"

"The ship can be cooled by routing excess heat through the black hole exhaust system," one of the bridge crew, Dalida Chandra, explained to Kuzzey. He was teaching him the basics of the ship.  
The only other person there was Arnold Neumann, who kept his eye on the Archangel's radar. Kuzzey found he was actually interested in what was said.  
"As long as we can evade infrared scans by satellites, we just might pull this off. Our radar's unreliable, but that means theirs is, too."  
Behind him, the door opened, and three people stood in the doorway.  
"We're here for our shift," Miriallia explained.  
"Don't give me that," Neumann sighed, spinning his chair around. "You're late…"  
He noticed what the other two had.  
Mir and Tolle stood on either side of the tired looking Mai, supporting her weight on their shoulders.  
"What happened?" Kuzzey asked them.  
"She passed out in one of the halls," Mir explained. "We tried to take her to the infirmary, but she insisted on coming here."  
"I'm fine…" Mai mumbled. Tolle let her go when she started to move, but Miriallia walked her to the chairs on the side.  
She helped Mai into a seat, one that she recognized as her first; the seat she took before she piloted a Gundam. This, Mai realized, wasn't really all that long ago.  
Mir took the seat beside her, preparing to take her normal shift.  
Closing her eyes and resting her head against the seat, she tried to rest, or instead to think.  
Why, all of the sudden, did she feel so tired? So sick?  
As far as she could remember, she never had the flu, because she was a Coordinator. Her body had never been exposed to the right conditions to make someone like her or Kira this ill; Falling to Earth only exposed enough chemicals to make them have a fever.  
Maybe she just hadn't slept all too well lately, and needed to rest.  
Mai jumped awake by the sound of a nearby crash.  
"Ensign, please," a female voice sighed. "Try to remember we are no longer on a weightless state here on Earth."  
She placed the voice, resting her head back against the seat; Natarle.  
"I-I'm sorry about that."  
"Hey, you gonna be okay?" someone asked.  
Mai opened an eye, turning slightly towards her friend. She tried to smile, but knew it must've been a pathetic one.  
"Don't worry, Mir. I'm just tired."  
"Is the spot we're on now okay?" they heard Tolle ask in a panic from behind them.  
"I don't know," Neumann teased. "Is it?"  
Miriallia giggled; Mai guessed it had something to do with the Lieutenant's reaction to an innocent question. What was it Tolle had been asking about?  
But suddenly, her inside's flipped. Vile gathered in her throat.  
The Bridge flashed red.  
"Detecting lasers detected at this ship!" Chandra warned. "Matching… Confirmed! They're target designators!"  
In an instance, Mai flew out of her seat and ran to the door, before the rest of the ship could even been warned.  
Mir cried after her that she shouldn't go; that she was too ill to go, but the door to the elevator closed, and the blue haired girl was on her way.

All Mai could do was stare at the Ecran's screen, with it's light's flashing all sorts of information, as her fingers tensed, then released, over and over.  
This stress, and somewhat excitement, was driving her insane.  
She wanted to fight; she _needed_ to fight, to protect the people on the ship. She needed to live, and to one day apologize to her brother.  
When time continued to drag on, she inhaled deeply, calming her nerves. Mewmo wasn't with her this time, and that didn't help.  
She started tapping her fingers on the helmet sitting on her lap, waiting for any sort of news.  
"**Come on, where's the enemy?" **Kira snapped. She saw him on her screen, but he was talking to the bridge. **"That's it, the Strike is launching!"  
**"**Kira, wait! Not yet!"** Mir cried.  
"He has a point," Mai sang in her own annoyance.  
She wasn't about to go too far to disobey the Commander, but at that moment, her and Kira felt the same. More the same than they had before coming to Earth.  
Miriallia whined at her, as well.  
"**Hurry up and open the hatch!"  
**"**We still don't know the position **_**or **_**the size of the enemy!" **Badgiruel snapped.  
"We'd be better off finding out on our own at this rate," she sighed.  
"**Orders haven't been given to launch!"  
**"**What do you get off by being so relaxed!" **Kira shouted. **"Who cares, just open the hatch! I'll take care of it!"  
**Okay, maybe not exactly the same.  
She frowned at this, wishing everything would just stop, and they could go back to the time where they comforted each other. The harsh tone in his voice was unlike anything Mai ever heard. It made her feel so helpless.

"Well, Captain?" Natarle asked, turning away from the screen.  
Marrue thought to herself for a moment, and sighed. "I don't like their attitudes, but we have little choice. We should let them go."  
"**It's for the best, Captain," **Mai said from her line.  
Marrue nodded, "The ship's guns are useless against moving targets. Get the Strike and the Ecran to the catapult!"  
"Open hatch! Strike, launch!"  
"Strike is clear!" Miriallia called. "Ecran, preparing to launch!"

The words flashed brightly; all sorts of the information flowed into Mai's head.  
Her friend continued to talk her through the procedure. This feeling was still new to her, but she liked the adrenaline rush it gave her.  
"**Connected to catapult, APU online; stand by. Power connections satisfactory, course clear. Ecran, ready when you are."  
**"Ready."  
"**Be careful."  
**"I will."  
"**Ecran! Let's do this!"**

Every time she shot at one of the enemy helicopters, they just disappeared behind the sand dunes. The sand also made it impossible for the Ecran to stay above, without sinking. There was no way Mai would be able to defeat them like this; Kira was having the same problems.  
In an instance, she began typing over the key pad, hoping her ally would come to the same conclusion. Halfway through her new procedure, her left screen flashed a warning, and she spun around.  
Mai knew what she saw; Zaft's cat-like mobile suits, created just for desert terrain. Unless their Gundams became accustomed to Earth, there was no way to win.  
"**What are **_**they**_**?" **she heard the Commander ask on the Archangel's line.  
"They're TMF/A-802 BuCUEs!" she exclaimed.  
"**Did she just say BuCUEs?" **Natarle gasped, but Mai didn't really have time to focus on the other line.  
With a fierce growl, one of the three pounced toward her, and Mai threw it off with the Ecran's shield. She looked at the Strike, which was not that far away from her, to see he was doing the same. The only difference was that Mai had finished switching to Earth combat, but Kira wasn't. She wondered if he hadn't thought of it, or if he just didn't have the time.  
When she went to press enter, to completely send the data, she realized something: Mai was shaking.  
She cursed; would she ever get used to this?  
Quickly, she pushed another attacker away. Kira was recovering from an earlier attack.  
"**I don't know how well you did fighting up in space…."** One of the soldiers snapped, and his speech was continued by the other BuCUE pilot.  
"**But down here on the ground, BuCUEs rule!"  
**Mai gripped the handle, and sighed. She needed to stop shaking; she needed to be more confident.  
"Yes, well… You're not the only ones!"  
The Ecran aimed its beam rifle, and shot one of them. It managed to miss, but damaged the back left leg.  
"**Damn!" **he snapped.

_She's… doing fine out there. _Miriallia told herself. Watching two people close to her fight, made her much unfocused. She knew that wasn't right; they all had their own jobs to do.  
"Fire Sledgehammer missiles!" the Lieutenant ordered.  
Neumann shook his head. "But it'll also hit Strike and the Ecran!"  
"**We'll be fine," **Mai comforted. **"Our mobile suits are equipped with Phase Shift armor."  
**"I don't know…"  
"We have to trust them, that's an order!" Marrue barked. "Right now, they don't stand a chance!"  
"R-roger! Firing Sledgehammers!"

"Kira! Get out of there!"  
Even as she called out to him, she realized that the Strike was stuck in the sand. It didn't have the agility as the Ecran. There was no way he'd make it out of the way from the Archangel's fire.  
"Kira!"she called again, pulling one of the levers at her side. The boosters roared to life, speeding to his side.  
**"Mai? What are you --"  
**The Ecran took its stance, protecting both the Strike and itself with the phase shift shield. Missiles continued to push her back, but she held her ground.  
Mai had to make sure they made it out alive, no matter how much the pounding in her head refused to let her concentrate.  
"We don't have time for that!"  
The last missile almost pushed her back into him, but the Strike held it steady. She thanked him, watching the BuCUEs begin to circle. Kira needed protection from them, so there was no way she could leave, even if that was her chance to take the enemy out.  
The brown hair pilot must have realized this, and pushed the Strike off the sand, high into the air.  
He fired his beam rifle, but they jumped out of the way. **"Damn!"  
**Mai spun around to block another BuCUE, which charged at her the second Kira had landed, and tried again.  
_His energy is going to run out if he keeps this up!  
_"**Commander La Flaga's Skyscraper, can't we launch it yet?" **she heard Marrue question on her line.  
She didn't have time to think on how helpful it would be if he could. The enemy had learned what Kira was trying to do, and leapt at him once he landed the second time.  
"Kira, watch out!"  
The Ecran shot at it, knocking it back with its shield. The Phase shift faded from the shield, making it useless unless her mobile suit was charged. She cursed and threw it to the side.  
Mai swallowed the lump in her throat, hoping to find something to distract herself from her throbbing head and blurry vision. She turned to find Kira, only to see he had falling to the sand. He must not have figured it out.  
"Kira, modify the Strike!" she called. "The contact pressure is decreased; estimate the pressure reduction!"  
He gasped.  
One of the BuCUEs steadied themselves to attack again. Without a shield, and with Kira finally fixing things on his end, the only way to stop his attack was to counter it.  
When it pounced, the Ecran danced around it. It's behind legs were pierced with her beam saber, enabling it to move. One was down, another fighting Kira.  
Mai looked around. Where was the third?  
Kira pushed off the ground again, staying above the sand this time. She watched him block another attack. The Strike kneed the dazed enemy in the side, placing a foot on the BuCUE after it fell on its back. He raised his rifle to the cockpit, and fired.  
Mai turned away from the flames that followed.  
"**I won't let you destroy the Archangel!" **she heard him say.  
She shook her head, shutting her eyes as tight as she could. The pounding was insane; it was like the world was moving too fast. Small movements seemed like blurs.  
Her tears only showed how painful it really was.  
"**This is for Maylem!"  
**That wasn't a voice she knew.  
Mai's eyes widened and she turned, failing to notice the flashing warning seconds before.  
Her scream pierced her ears.

"Mai!" Kira called out, watching the explosion die down.  
He saw the Ecran fall to its knees, and its Phase Shift armor faded. Kira started to panic when she didn't answer; it wasn't time for the Ecran to run out of power.  
Kira tried again, doing whatever he could to bring his face up on her screen. "Mai, can you hear me? Answer!"  
"**Kira!" **Mir cried on her line, **"The Ecran is down! We're not getting a reply!"  
**_Dammit!  
_"You're gonna pay for that!"  
The third BuCUE fired its missiles as his Strike, which he countered with his own. Pulling back on the lever at his left, Kira spun out of the way of another attack, and saw the enemy continue to fire at the Archangel.

"**Skygrasper, taking off!" **Mu La Flaga announced.  
Neumann and Miriallia were the ones trying to get in contact with Mai.  
"Incoming heat source from the southwest! It's a cannon blast!" Dalida gasped.  
Natarle turned to him. "What?"  
"Take off!" Marrue ordered once it was confirmed. "Evasive maneuvers!"  
The Archangel managed to miss the blast, but the missiles still made contact. The ship shook wildly, causing everyone to hold on to their seats.  
"Where's it coming from?" Natarle questioned.  
"Mai, come in!" Miriallia cried.  
"Projected source: 20 Kilometers southwest."  
"That's out of our range; we can't counter it!"  
"Still no reply from the Ecran."  
"Damn!"  
"Second wave approaching!"

The Strike lifted its beam rifle towards the oncoming second wave of missiles and fired. This was the only way to save the Archangel without leaving the Ecran's side. He hadn't thought of it before, but it came to mind when his anger and worry faded.  
Kira didn't know it was because his seed had broken.  
The last BuCUE lashed out at Kira again, who simply punched it away. One of the remainder missiles from the Lesseps collided with it.  
His screen started to flash red; Kira cursed.  
"I used the Agni too much!"  
He tried to shoot the helicopters down when they continued to fire at them, but the low energy made it difficult.  
"**Give them cover!" **the Captain ordered on the other line. **"Archangel, slow advance!"  
**"**That's too risky! The Strike's Phase Shift armor will be drained if it takes another hit. The Ecran could also be hit!" **Natarle warned.  
They were right. Kira knew Mai and he needed to defend them, though they weren't doing very well. He called out for her again, but still didn't get an answer.  
Kira could hear his breathing getting louder with every minute, and it was becoming more like panting. As tired as he was, he couldn't give up.  
He needed to save Mai, and the Archangel.  
Suddenly, as soon as he thought that, a shot collided with one of the helicopters. He spun around, part of him wishing his ally had awoken. That wasn't the case.  
Ten vehicles sped towards him. He didn't recognize them as Zaft, or from the Earth Alliance. They sped around him, destroying another helicopter. He watched them circle the Ecran as well.  
"_Attention, pilot of this mobile suit." _A voice came from his radio. Kira looked around; one of them had attached a cord to the Strike. _"If you and your ally wish to live, do exactly what I say. There's a trap set in the location indicated; I need you to lure the BuCUEs there."  
_Could these strangers really be trusted?  
He saw the location flash on his map, and realized he didn't have a choice. If they didn't get out of there, they would die.  
The Strike fired up its boosters, lifting up the Ecran and following the vehicles. The helicopters and BuCUEs noticed, and ran after them.  
Kira tried again, for what felt like the millionth time, but she still wouldn't reply. He was beginning to think she was wounded, and that only made him worry more.  
_I have no choice but to trust them, _he thought. _For her sake.  
_Kira landed, jumping away once the enemy had gained distance. After landing again, he turned just as the explosion set off. The BuCUEs and helicopters were gone.  
The Strikes Phase Shift faded away, placing the Ecran down just as it did. In the same second his mobile suit shut down, he was already scrambling out of its cockpit.

"Message from Commander La Flaga!" Miriallia announced, gaining everyone on the Bridges' attention. " '_Located mother ship, but have decided against attacking. Enemy battle ship is the Lesseps._' "  
Marrue turned her chair. "Did you just say Lesseps?"  
" '_I repeat: The enemy battle ship is the Lesseps. I'm on my way back._' End of message."  
Marrue sighed, bringing her hand to her head. Natarle looked up to her captain.  
"I don't understand."  
"That mother ship is commanded by Andrew Waltfield," she explained. "So it was him… We're up against the Desert Tiger."

_It's hard to explain, how much I worried about her. It almost felt like at that moment, she was the world I needed to protect. I knew if something had happened, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself.  
__Kira Yamato_


	9. Entry Nine

**A Fallen Star (Kira Yamato) Entry Nine**

**Akane: Hey everyone! :D**

**Sorry this took so long to update; I'm surprised how suckish I am for writing this summer. I will get better once school starts though, so don't worry. (laughs)**

**Oh, and the pic of Mai and Kira Blitz12 drew me is on my profile, so go check it out! xD**

**Azami: ... you don't do a disclaimer?**

**Akane: Should I?**

**Azami: -nods-**

**Akane: Um... I do not own the Gundam Seed characters or the original plot. I do, however, own Mai Zala and everything related to her, that _wasn't_ in the original.**

**Azami: Good! **

**Isu-chan: -hands Animegirl a cookie-**

**Akane: YAY! :D**

**R&R!! **

* * *

"_So long as children are allowed to suffer, there is no true love in this world."_  
**Isodore Duncan**

**ENTRY NINE:  
**

This dream started like all the others.  
As she ran, she didn't have time to note she was at least two years older in this one. All she could do was cry; it still felt the same. The little girl was still all alone.  
The city was still unknown, the snow still fell. This time, she didn't bother crying out for anyone, she knew no one would hear her, but she continued to run.  
Even as she thought that, there was one name she wanted to cry out for, to yell at the top of her lungs, except that it continued to escape her. She couldn't run anymore, just continued to cry.  
Someone called her name.  
The girl lifted her face from her hands, and questioned shakily who it was. The voice was too familiar.  
"Mai?" It called again.  
She tried to answer the pleading voice, only to hear nothing. She continued to cry; she didn't want this voice to be so sad.

"Mai, wake up! Please…" Kira's voice was uneven.  
He hovered partially over her body inside the Ecran's cockpit, so he wouldn't fall to the ground far below. Mai didn't seem injured, but when he tried to shake her awake, it didn't work. He tried yelling her name, but that too failed. For some reason, one that he couldn't place, he was worried about her, more worried then he had ever been in his life.  
"Please," he cried. "Please don't die on me…"  
But Mai didn't want to hear him so sad. Despite her own pain, she tried to open her eyes. The sudden burst of light forced her to close them until they could adjust. She could still make out the figure standing above her.  
"Kira…?" she managed to mumble.  
She heard him make a sharp intake of breath, looking down at her. Mai hated the look on his face; the sorrow and the worry, and did her best to smile at him. In the next instant, he had her out of her seat and pulled her into an embrace.  
"Thank God you're alright!"  
At that exact moment, Mai wanted to cry.  
She didn't know whether it was that she had made him worry so much, or if she was just happy. Mai couldn't care less; part of her _was_ happy. She wanted that feeling to last forever.

"I never expected to meet the Hawk of Endymion in a place such as this," One of the men below the two hovering Gundam's exclaimed. Marrue, Mu La Flaga, and several other soldiers were meeting with the Archangel's savior group. He had introduced himself as Sahid, and was a tan, middle aged man.  
"You strike me as a man who is very well informed." Marrue pointed out, "Do you also know about us?"  
The man chuckled. "You are the crew of the Earth Forces new assault ship, the Archangel, yes? You descended to Earth to escape Zaft's Crueset Team; those machines of yours are --"  
"The X105 Strike, and the X104 Ecran," the blonde girl from the back interrupted, making her way to the front of the crowd. "That's what they call those things: two of the Earth Forces new prototype mobile weapons."  
Marrue watched the man turn to the girl, then back to her and Mu. "Well, here we are. How good it is that we know who you are and you know who we are. I must say though, we're surprised to see you land in such an unfortunate location; I can only assume that you landed in this place by accident. Now that you're here, though… I _am_ curious to know what you plan to do."  
The caption nodded. "Can we count on your complete co-operation?"  
"If you're serious about talking," Sahib chuckled, "you should lower your guns first."  
Marrue knew everyone watching would be shocked, but it didn't surprise her. Of course he would've figured out her forces had to be near by with their weapons drawn.  
Sahib motioned to the two Gundams. "They should disarm as well."

"**Very well," **the two heard Marrue sigh over the Ecran's comlink. **"Ensign Yamato, Ensign Hitamaru, come down here."  
**"Will you be alright?" Kira asked her, separating the two of them to look at her face.  
"I'll be fine; I'm just a little dizzy."  
She watched him turn to grab the rope, before wrapping an arm around her waist. "Hold on, okay? We don't want you to fall."  
Mai nodded; falling at such a distance wasn't exactly what she wanted to do. She wrapped her own arms around his body, and held on tight.  
The small automatic rope elevator started to descend; she held on tighter to Kira, trying not to look down. If it was a different situation, she probably could've laughed about how she was more afraid then heights then heading into battle inside a mobile weapon. She didn't dare open her mouth with all the people staring at them from the ground.  
Kira let go of her when they were safely on the sand, and asked if she could walk. Mai repeated herself, but he stayed by her side as they walked towards the group.  
As they walked, she began to pull off her helmet, letting her loose hair fall around her; the desert heat was making it unbearable. She regretted it at once.  
"Unbelievable!"  
"A woman's piloting that thing?"  
"Not only that, but she's still just a child!"  
As if he hadn't heard them, Kira removed his helmet, still watching the girl beside him out of the corner of his eyes; watching to see if she really was alright. He didn't understand how she could just collapse in the middle of a battle like that, then smile at him. Had it been the stress that caused it?  
"A boy?" the crowd continued.  
"This is insane! They're only children!"  
As the crowd continued, a blonde girl made her way through them, running up to the two pilots. At first glance, Mai had wondered if she really had been a girl, but as she got closer it became clear. Kira and she stopped, and he moved in front of her, becoming a shield.  
"So, it is _you_," the girl growled.  
Mai blinked; some of the crowd began to mutter to each other. She saw that the Captain and a man she didn't recognize both looked as confused as she was.  
"What?" Kira questioned.  
The girl growled again, "Why… what is someone like you doing here, huh?!"  
Did she know him?  
She raised one of her hands to slap him; Mai's eyes widened and her hands covered her mouth, but Kira caught the girl's hand before it could make contact. She glared at him, trying to free her hand from his grip. Kira's face lit up with realization.  
"That's right," he said. "You're that person I met in Morgenroete."  
The girl pulled back her hand, but Kira was still holding onto her, so her fist collided with his cheek. Kira released her hand.  
"Kira!" Mai gasped.  
She watched him raise his own hand on that cheek. The girl had been pulled away by a man, and they were having an argument away from them.  
What did that girl have against Kira?

"Mai! Thank goodness you're okay!" Miriallia cried happily, running into Mai's arm the second she was inside. Marrue had told her to go back inside instead of helping Kira and the Strike bring the Archangel into the Resistance camp. Once they were in, she was meant to meet the Captain outside.  
The blue-haired girl was used to these hugs, where Mir acted like an over worried older sister, even though she was only an inch taller.  
"Jeez, Mir!" Mai giggled. "You had doubts?"  
With one last squeeze, Mir released her friend and frowned. "You scared the heck out of me! I was so worried!"  
"I'm sorry; I didn't expect to be so tired…"  
"Are you okay now?"  
"I'll be fine, I just need to get some sleep after the Captain's done with me."  
Ignoring the sceptical look from her friend, Mai said her goodbye and went searching for Marrue.

"Well, it may be territory that is under the domination of ZAFT, but look at this land." Sahib explained to the other three figures. With his coffee mug, he circled a part of the map lying on the table between them. Marrue, Natarle and Mu watched. "It's not as if their forces can cover an entire area, yet only three short days ago Victoria Spaceport was taken over. Since that time, they've increased pressure considerably."  
The three were shocked at this news.  
"Did you say Victoria?" Natarle questioned.  
Mu sighed, "Man, oh man."  
Taking another drink of his coffee, Sahib observed their reactions carefully before continuing. "The African Community in this area has traditionally sided more with the PLANTs. The South African Union did the best they could, but the Earth Forces abandoned them in the end anyways; everyday the front lines keep edging back."  
"Though you guys haven't stopped fighting, have you?" Mu stated.  
"As we see it, ZAFT and the Earth Forces are no different; they both come here only to take control and steal away what is ours."  
From outside the commanding tent, she could sense the awkward silence that followed his statement. Mai knew he was right about one thing; ZAFT and Earth had a lot in common.  
"How well do you say that ship fairs in Earth's atmosphere?" she heard the same man question.  
The voice who answered belonged to Natarle, "It can't fly at high altitudes."  
"If you can't fly over a mountain range, the only alternative would be to break through Gibraltar."  
Mai gasped; she knew going through that area would be suicide for the Archangel. She shook her head, clearing her mind.  
"With our battle strength?" Mu mumbled. "You got to be kidding me."  
With a deep breath, Mai pulled back to tent's curtain door, calling out to the Commander. The four turned to her; Marrue smiled.  
"I'm glad you came, Mai," she said, then turned to the other man. Mai recognized him from before. "This is Ensign Mai Hitamaru, the pilot of the mobile suit X104 Ecran, and assists with our weapon management. That is the reason I called her here; she says she also remembers a layout for this surrounding area."  
"Oh?" the man looked at her, eyeing her suspiciously.  
The teenager in question bowed slightly, smiling to hide her true feelings of nervousness. She never thought she'd end up meeting a leader to a resistance force, let alone Desert Dawn. That group, she once heard her father say, only caused trouble for ZAFT. They were a nuisance that needed to be destroyed.  
Yeah right; her father was simply a crazy man.  
"Yes, sir. I remember a lot from my father, who is a military man. I hope to be of assistance."  
Quickly, the man she learned was named Sahib explained more about their previous conversation. They discussed several possible outcomes, but Mai dismissed everyone before the older group managed to find a flaw. She could almost remember every detail of her father's data.  
"We could try to get past the Red Sea, through the Indian Ocean," she said, gaining their attention. Mai circled that area of the map with her fingers. "Then head over to the Pacific."  
"The Pacific Ocean?" Marrue repeated.  
Mai watched Sahib rub his chin in thought. "Well, now. That's actually a fair idea."  
Natarle, who had yet to say a word, shook her head. "We couldn't possibly cover that distance without stopping alone the way to resupply the ship."  
"I understand the Oceania Union is completely within ZAFT territory, right?" Mai was surprised that Mu was asking her rather than Sahib.  
"Yes, but --"  
"What about the Equatorial Union, is it still neutral?"  
"Hey," Sahib interrupted, "aren't you jumping too far ahead? You think you're there already? Take a look here." Again, he pointed to an area with his mug. "The Lesseps' is also here, in Banadiya."  
Mai frowned; she had figured that much. Yzak and Dearka had fallen to Earth. They were going to pick them up sometime.  
"Ah, so I see what you meant when you said 'get past.'" Mu sighed.  
She nodded, watching Sahib take a large drink of coffee. Oddly enough, that moment gave her an idea.

"How did we end up in a camp full of rebels?"  
Mai shrugged at Sai's comment. "Your bad luck, I guess.  
Miriallia giggled.  
She was with the others now, outside the Archangel and in the Rebel camp. The workers were all standing in lines as they waited for their meals; Mai and her friends watched from the sidelines. None of them knew she had even met the resistance leader.  
The blue haired teen was the center of the group, sitting on one of the many piled crates beside the ship. Miriallia and Tolle stood at her right, and Sai was at her left. Kuzzey sat on the crate beside her.  
_This adventure of mine just gets crazier by the day_, Mai thought, and chuckled to herself.  
"But right in the middle of the desert?" Kuzzey complained, "If I had known we would end up here, I wouldn't have said I'd remain on the ship."  
Tolle frowned, looking away from his friend. "If you had gotten in that shuttle with the others, you would've been dead right now."  
Mai's eyes softened, she thought back to the battle.  
She thought back to Kira. To the time they cried together; comforting each other.  
She blushed.  
"In a war, you never know who will be next." Mir told them. "What's going to happen to us?"  
Mai sat up and looked at them, realizing the sudden change in atmosphere. Even if they were in the middle of war, it was still a little difficult to loose her pop-idol feeling at times like this.  
"Oh come on, you guys!" she whined. They all faced her; she pouted and waved her hands in front of her body. "If you all start going around depressed like that, you'll just make me depressed! You might not know this, but depression and I don't go so well!"  
Mai yelped; her movements had made her crate loose it's balance, so it tipped and fell on its side, taking her with it.  
Gundam pilot versus a crate? Well, you see the winner.  
While her friends laughed, she attempted to get back on her feet without her skirt riding up. The blush from earlier crept back to her face, but in embarrassment this time.  
She heard Sai's laughter cease when she was standing again, and the other's followed. Mai looked up after straightening her skirt, seeing what her friends had.  
Flay had walked up to their group, looking around the site. Sai called out to her, but she ignored him.  
"Where's Kira? I can't find him anywhere," she mumbled to them. Flay never stopped to even look at Sai, just kept searching for someone who wasn't there.  
Mai frowned and turned away, pretending to still be fixing herself after that fall. She still couldn't understand why something like that hurt her so much, and she also knew Sai felt the same. Mai ignored the look Miriallia was giving her.  
Sai and Flay had been engaged. So what was her reason?

His eyes followed the words he typed on the screen as he tried to only focus on the Strike. Lately, Kira's mind was all over the place, so he needed to concentrate on not making any mistakes.  
"Hey, what're you doing this time?"  
Kira looked up from his work, seeing the mechanic Kojiro's head popping into the cockpit.  
"I had to tweak the contact pressure during last night's battle, so I need to make the appropriate adjustments."  
"Yeah, that makes sense," Kojiro agreed. He chuckled. "I've got to tell you, you're a pretty useful pilot. All of a sudden you're giving this thing your full attention eh, _Ensign_ Yamato?" Still chuckling, he turned away and left Kira to his work.  
The boy watched him leave, but caught a glimpse of something he didn't expect. Kira could see her back from his place the cockpit.  
He could tell Mai was laughing at something Mu had said, as the two of them finished talking to one of the mechanics. The mechanic also laughed, before heading back towards the Skygraspers. Kira watched the Lieutenant scratch the back of his head, turning to smile at her. After she stopped giggling, he watched her turn around.  
And he felt his heart stop.  
Kira forced himself to continue his work again, to ignore the laughing pair below him; to once again focus only on his work. He found it wasn't as easy, if that could've even been called easy, as the first time.  
Her smile had been so beautiful.

Mai sighed, switching the basket from her left arm to her right.  
She had left the hanger, after helping the Lieutenant update the crew about the previous battle conditions, and what they should do to the exterior of the Skygraspers. She was positive she hadn't been much help, but Mu kept telling her she did great.  
He had also mentioned how she must've been tired, and that she should go and relax. Walk around the site, see what's out there.  
That wasn't the most relaxing thing in the world to do. Oddly enough, she enjoyed it.  
Her walk through the rebel site gave her more of an insight of what was out there, what was going on in the world. She saw the warriors, as they were called, and the citizens helping them. A couple times children would run by, playing and laughing. One little girl had bumped into her, and Mai saw as she apologized that the poor child must've been scared of her.  
Of course, Mai couldn't take that. She ended up playing with her and the other children for at least an hour. She barely noticed the mothers smiling, still serving the men their meals. Once, one of the children had fallen, and the mothers went into a panic. Before they could react, Mai had already been comforting the child, singing to him softly to ease his crying. The other children had heard, and begged her to actually sing the whole thing. She was reluctant at first, but she sang anyways, without Mewmo and the background music. Mai was happy she did; the happiness on their faces meant so much to her. Apparently, it had also made the watching adults nearby happy, so they had pitched in to give her fresh fruit and bread or sewn charms. A basket full, even.  
But now, the high she had been in with the rebel village was gone. The early pain was back as she wandered the Archangel halls.  
Weren't Coordinators _not_ supposed to get sick? So why was she in so much pain recently, ever since she first arrived at the Earth Alliance ship?  
But she knew it wasn't only the throbbing in her head that caused her pain.  
She refused to admit to the second reason; it was something that only made everything more confusing. Her little world had expanded so much in the past month, it forced her to think more then she would've spending every day in that mansion with her father.  
Mai froze. How long has it been since she thought about her brother? She almost felt worse when she realized that he had been less on her mind then he should have. Of course, now that she remembered, she was sure every little thing would remind her of him.  
With another sigh, she headed for her room on the other side of the ship.

Mai barely made it around the corner.  
"Kira!"  
She stopped again, turning to face the hallway to her right. Automatically, she moved back and pushed her body against the wall. She was lucky Kira turned around before he could see her, and that Flay was too focused on him to notice. She could hear them both stop, and she slightly heard the wind. She figured they had both just come from outside, making it in before the sun completely set.  
Mai wanted to leave, not to hear this, but her feet wouldn't move. She was frozen in place.  
"Flay? What's wrong?"  
"I need to talk to Flay," she recognized that voice as Sai. "It's none of your business, Kira."  
Mai's eyes widened. Part of her wondered that if she stepped out and pretended to notice them, if she could just call out and stop them before something went too wrong. She tried to move, but she was shaking again.  
"This had everything to do with him!" Flay snapped. Mai's shaking increased. "I… I spent all last night with Kira, get it!!"  
The basket collapsed on the floor, spilling its contents and masked Sai's gasp from her hearing. Tears started streaming down her cheeks; she covered her ears with her hands.  
"Well, Kira?" Sai asked, his voice quavering. If Mai even had her voice, she'd scream. "Explain this to me, Flay. You… you --"  
"Why should I explain myself? It has nothing to do with you, Sai."  
She shook her head, trying to stop both the shaking and the tears. She didn't want to hear this; her knees buckled together.  
"Just forget it, Sai." Kira's voice cut through her mind, piercing it like a knife. She forced her eyes shut, but the tears still came.  
"What's that?" Sai snapped back. Why was she in tears while he was angry? What was wrong with her?  
Why did this affect her so much?  
"Everyone can see that you're chasing after someone who has no desire to be with you!"  
She cried out, but not loud enough to reveal herself. She yelled at her body to run before she broke down even more then she was. How that would be possible, she didn't know.  
"If I took this seriously, you wouldn't stand a chance against me!"  
Mai pushed her body completely against the wall, sobbing in silence in her frozen state.  
Kira's voice was the only one she could hear anymore; it was the one that hurt her the most.  
"Flay's been… kind and considerate to me. She stayed with me the whole time."  
In his mind, where had Mai been?  
"She held me in her arms."  
Did _she_ cry with him?  
"She said she'd look after me!"  
Did _she_ have that power? Was _she_ the one who fought by his side?  
"No one stops to think about what I'm feeling! What goes through my mind during a battle!"  
Her tears became worse; she knew she'd scream at any moment.  
_What am I to you, Kira?  
_She forced herself away, finally feeling her legs, even if they protested in their pain. Mai ran, as fast as they could carry her. A trail of tears following behind her.

A whistle echoed throughout the rebel camp, everyone began running around to their posts. Sahib, from the main tent, brought out the radio in his hand and told his men to report.  
"**The sky is burning!"** the man shouted from the other line. **"It's in the direction of Tassle!"  
**In the distance, to the west, black smoke began to rise to the clouds, and red flames engulfed the town below.  
Battle was approaching.

_It was then, in that moment of tears, that I realized something; something I was very afraid to admit.  
__I was completely in love with him._

**Mai Zala**

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**Thanks for reading!! xD**


	10. Entry Ten

**A Fallen Star (Kira Yamato) Entry Ten**

**Akane: Hey everyone! I'm sorry about the wait! Hopefully life (and anime conventions) don't keep stealing away my attention. :P**

**Isu-chan: ....**

**Akane: Oh! Right, disclaimer! I do not own any rights to Gundam Seed, but I do own Mai and the original plot around her! **

**Isu-chan: Good.**

**Akane: ^_^ Thanks for putting up with me people! R&R!**

**P.S: I'm going to try the double spacing for this story, so tell me which way you prefer! **

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_"The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have."  
_**Anonymous**

**ENTRY TEN: PAIN**

_As I ran, I felt my heart tear in two._

_Athrun, who had always been with me, thought I had betrayed him and left him alone._

_Kira, the one who I had fallen in love with, brushed away my feelings as if they meant nothing. _

_How was I expected to move on? Ignore the aching in my heart in order to continue the journey I had chosen?_

_-_

She didn't remember how she got there, how long it took her, but she did remember _why_ she was there.

Mai focused her vision on the screen as she typed, the remains of her tears constantly blocking the view. She could barely hear the voices below, of all the people scurrying around. Mewmo crawled back into the bag at her feet, tired of constantly being ignored. She couldn't remember going to her locker, let alone getting the bag from there.

"**Ensign Hitamaru, you're not needed this time." **Marrue's voice echoed over the comlink. **"Lieutenant La Flaga already has it covered." **

A nearby village, called Tassel, had been attacked by the Desert Tiger. All those people; Mai had to make sure they were safe.

"No….. I…" she swallowed hard, trying to gain back her voice. "I'll go too, just in case."

"**It'll be nice to have some company," **Mu told the Captain.

"**Then I'll go to!" **Kira's figure appeared on the comlink, but she refused to look.

"You should stay _here_." Mai snapped quietly. Her body tightened, her hands gripping the levers at her sides.

Kira tried to argue, but Mai switched off the Ecran's power and rebooted the system. Once she was ready, she braced herself for the launch, not wearing the proper equipment. She didn't understand why she had gone to her locker, but hadn't changed into her battle suit.

Before she knew it, she was flying towards the flames.

-

"**Whoa…. Talk about total destruction."**

"How horrible…" she whispered, adding on to Mu's own mumbling.

All around her, flames and smoke rose to the sky. It was actually quite a large village, spanning about a kilometre of land. Flames were all she could see.

"**Yeah… Mai, look to your left. Do you see it?"**

She turned, eyeing her surroundings to find what he meant. A few seconds later, she saw them, all gathered on top of a hill away from the town. She gasped.

Mu reported in what they found as Mai landed on the sand.

"**More precisely a large number of people seem to be just fine. I don't understand how --"** She heard Mu say, before the cockpit closed behind her and cut him off.

With her bag in hand, she ran towards the villagers. The Lieutenant followed shortly after.

Mai ran to one of the mothers', who was trying to calm her young daughter down. The small child was crying, covering the gash on her knee so the mother couldn't touch it. As she kneeled down in front of the child, she ignored the stares of the others. She managed to calm the girl down enough to clean and wrap the wound, before the sound of engines filled the area and the men jump out of the vehicles to run to their families. She watched them cry, happy to be reunited safely.

Mai frowned; watching them reminded her how happy she had always been when her brother returned from war.

She felt a hand rest on her shoulder when she stood, and realized she had been shaking. Taking a deep breath, she turned to Mu and smiled the best she could. They continued to watch the reunions as Natarle stepped out of another vehicle and joined them.

"How many of our people were killed?" Sahib asked the oldest man in the center of the people, who had made a circle around them.

The man shook his head. "Not one life has been sacrificed."

Mai was amazed and relieved, but also puzzled; why would someone attack a village, but not kill anyone? The Desert Tiger had the perfect opportunity to strike, waiting for the troops to arrive and ambush them. But he didn't.

He left instead.

"They issued a warning ahead of time," he explained. "He said that they were setting fire to the town and told us to run away." Mai listened to the murmurs surrounding her, and noticed Cagalli at Sahib's side. The expression on her face was the same as her own.

"And then they set everything ablaze! Food, ammunition, fuel; everything." The man sighed, looking down to the ground as he sat on a wooden box.

Mai stepped away from Mu and towards the man, earning a look from Sahib as she stepped beside him.

"Sir, what's wrong with simply knowing no one was killed?" she questioned him. "Everyone's alright! That should be the most important thing!"

"We might not have suffered any casualties, but what happens now? How are we expected to live?"

"That dirty, mange dog!" Sahib snapped. "What's going through that bastards head?"

"But –" Mai started, but Mu interrupted her.

"Survival is possible, you know. As long as you're alive." Sahib turned to him. "It appears as if the Tiger has no intention in engaging in a serious battle with you."

"What do you mean by _that_?"

"This must be payback for what you did to there force last night. I have to say, it's pretty generous of the guy to let you guys off with something as minor as this."

Cagalli went to slap him, but Mu backed away from her in time. "You call this _minor_?! Having a town burn to the ground is nothing to you? How could you even think of something like this as generous?!"

He raised his hands in an apologetic manor. "I'm sorry if I offended you in anyway; however, the enemy are professional soldiers, so I'm sure that even you can conceive that if they were serious the situation would be much worse."

"That man is nothing more then a coward! He burns down this town when we're not even here and thinks of it as a victory?!"

As she listened to Cagalli continue to rant, she tried to imagine the Desert Tiger in her head. She knew she had met him before, during one of the many times her father had dressed her up to show her off to the other council members.

"_Ah, Miss Zala," _she remembered him say as they shook hands. He was younger then her father, with short, messy brown hair. _"I'm a big fan of your music, so don't stop singing okay?" _He was always smiling whenever saw him, so thinking that someone like him would do this…

She looked back to see Cagalli glaring at Mu harshly. He noticed it too, and scratched the back of his head. "Oh yeah, the Tiger; what a detestable guy."

-

As he drove, he kept glancing at the flowers in the seat beside him to distract himself from news and the signs all around. Even though it had been a whole month, his sister's disappearance was still top news.

Visiting Lacus was something he always had to do whenever returning to the PLANTs, usually after seeing his father and sister. His father was refusing visitors, so that was out of the question. One of the maids had brought him a civilian outfit so he wouldn't walk around in uniform. Athrun didn't really care; he was dreading going to the empty home anyways.

"Miss Lacus has been waiting for you," the butler told him when he arrived.

He stepped inside the front hall, suddenly feeling both nauseous and nervous. He hadn't been to see Lacus at her home since his sister had dragged him there over a month ago.

"_I know you probably have other things you need to do today, but I want to talk to her about an idea I had for a new song! Please; how often do we go together?"_

He shifted the flower bouquet from his left hand to right as he waited for her.

"It's nice to see you again, Athrun." He heard, followed by a chorus of Haro's.

Athrun turned, noticing he was surrounded by his own creations. "I apologize for being late."

Lacus giggled and made her way down the stairs. "I didn't even notice."

After handing her the flowers, the two headed for the garden, the Haro's jumping around as the two walked.

"Doesn't it ever come to a point that they just become a nuisance?"

"They're more excited then usual, because they're quite fond of you. After all Athrun, it's been quite a while since you last visited the house."

Lacus called to one of the Haro's after giving the flowers to one of the maids. It was a dark blue colour, a little brighter then the navy Haro. Athrun frowned as he watched her walk away. He remembered why he painted them different colours in the first place; Mai had insisted it, telling him that each one would represent one of them, so Lacus would never be alone. He only started with the two different coloured blues and the pink one, but made more of them as time moved on.

"Why don't we make it a moustache today…."

Athrun looked up from his tea in time to see Lacus pick up one of the pens on the table. She drew a curved line on each side and giggled, holding it out in front of her. "There we go!" Lacus tossed the Haro into the air, and watched it bounce towards the field. "The one with the moustache is it!"

Athrun sighed.

-

"I'm sorry I didn't make it in time for the memorial service," he apologized quietly.

Pouring him another tea, she smiled softly. "That's alright. I prayed for your mother… I was certain you wouldn't mind if I did so on your behalf."

"Thank you, I'm grateful. And… what about the funeral service?"

"Well… that isn't up to me, now is it? You weren't there to see it, even though thousands were. If she knew that, wherever she is, she'd be sad."

Athrun looked away, not wanting the discussion to go any further. Lacus was the only one he knew that wouldn't admit Mai was dead.

Lacus saw the look on his face, and decided against continuing.

"When I heard you were coming back to the PLANTs, I couldn't help but hope you would come to see me. The Haro's have been quite sad since Mai's disappearance. Will you be staying long this time?"

It made him mad, how happy she still was while he had been a wreck.

"I can't be sure… the schedule they give me is never really set."

"I understand there has been a recent increase of people joining the military. There was something on the news yesterday about it, too. A number of my friends have even joined as volunteer soldiers." A bird jumped onto her hand, where she held small crumbs for it to eat from the cookie platter on the table. "I can't help but feel this war is intent on getting bigger, and nothing will stop it."

Athrun sighed again. "You might be right about that. It's sad, but true."

Lacus thought about a way to get him to open up more, a topic that might get him to talk. There was only one thing she could think of, but was unsure of his reaction.

"By the way, I wonder how is doing lately." She watched Athrun's head snap in her direction. "Have you had a chance to see him since then?"

Athrun turned away again, remembering the last time he fought his friend, and the new mobile suit that got in his way. "I believe he's somewhere on Earth; there was someone new that kept stopping me from getting to him, so I expect he's doing just fine."

"The two of you have been friends for a long time, haven't you?"

Athrun nodded. "Yeah… since we were about four or five years old. Mai and myself we living on the moon in those years, and I met him there. It all changed when signs of the war broke out, and we decided to obey my father's orders to go back to the PLANTs. I was under the impression that he would be joining us later."

His grip on the table tightened, and Lacus felt it shake. Loosing his mother and sister, and fighting his best friend…. She knew he wasn't emotionally stable.

Lacus raised the bird on her finger closer to her face, where it chirped happily. "I had a discussion with him about Haro, and he said it sounded like you hadn't changed at all. It seemed to cheer him up a lot."

Athrun slowly turned to look at her as she did the same, a smile wide on her face. "Birdy; that was something else you made, especially for him. From what I could gather, he was taking very good care of it."

"What, Birdy? He still has that thing?"

"Yes, I saw him many times with it on his shoulder."

"Huh, is that so…"

Still smiling, Lacus looked out to the ocean they could easily see from the top of the hill the mansion rested on. "I admire her."

-

"Hey! Where are you going?!"

Mai didn't look back at him while she ran to the Ecran. Mu had told him what the members of Desert Dawn were going to do, and she had to either stop them or protect them; the enemy had BuCUEs, so something like this would be suicide.

"I have to help them!"

The second she sat down, the Ecran was up and running, ready for anything she wanted. She knew they were sending Kira after her, to help in the fight that was coming up, but she wanted to ignore that.

When she flew, she watched the small vehicles race forward, until the enemy was visible through the dunes. One of the vehicles fired at a BuCUE, only to be crushed in return. Mai noticed another vehicle in front of the 3 BuCUEs, and realized that the Tiger was riding in it. Her first thought was to go after him, but the people needed her help more.

A BuCUE jumped up, threatening to crush a lonely Dawn vehicle that scrambled away. The Ecran rammed itself into the BuCUE mid-air, disturbing the sand around where it fell. She had managed to save one, but two more exploded behind her.

"No!" she cried out.

She turned; a BuCUE's left side collapsed, but the ones in the jeep were sent flying. Mai recognized Cagalli, her bodyguard, and a boy younger then her. Cagalli was running for the boy, but the enemy saw it too. Quickly, one of the Ecran's hands shot out to protect them as it raised a paw, and they were locked in a struggle.

"Run, Cagalli!!"

Mai knew she heard when the blonde looked up, then continued to run. Another of the BuCUE's charged at her from behind, slashing at the Ecran's right side and digging through the metal. Mai screamed; even inside the cockpit, the attack was close enough to pierce her skin. She felt the metal dig into the skin, and the warm blood drenched her side. Mai tried to spit out the taste of it in her mouth.

Suddenly, the pressure was released.

"**Mai!" **she heard Kira call out.

Even though the pain was gone, removed from the Strike pulling off the second BuCUE, Kira's presence made her panic. Her eyes went wide, her heart began to race, but there was also another kind of pain there. One she had when hearing his voice.

She didn't answer him, just forced the Ecran to push the first BuCUE to the sand. She was relived her mobile weapon was still able to move, even after the damage it sustained. To her left, she saw the third enemy coming straight at them, not faltering for an instant. The one that Kira had attacked pulled away from him and joined it, circling around him.

"**Mai!"** Miriallia's voice came from her radio. Part of it must have been destroyed; the voice was fuzzy.

"I-I'm okay."

"**You don't sound okay!"**

"**Mai, go back to the ship!"**

One too many voices; Mai's vision became blurry, but she could still see Kira was taking a beating by the remaining BuCUE's.

Even though her feelings would not be returned, her guardianship ignored, she wouldn't ignore this.

She still wanted to protect him, because she still knew her feelings, and would not throw them away.

The Ecran rose, turning in time to witness the explosion nearby. Kira had destroyed the second BuCUE. The third started to retreat, and the first rammed into her again before following. Her Gundam lost all power.

Eying the Ecran, Kira stepped down from the Strike and towards the small group of people and rubble in front of him. Cagalli was one of them. He finally turned away and stared straight at her, a look of disrespect on his face.

"Are you trying to get yourselves killed? In a place like this, there's absolutely no reason for any of you –"

"That's the last straw!" Cagalli snapped at him, running up to him and grabbing his collar, pulling him down to her. "You heartless moron!" She motioned to her side, where the body of the young boy named Ahmed lay. "They all fought desperately! We're all fighting desperately! All so we can protect the things and people most important to us!"

Suddenly, Kira couldn't take it anymore. He slapped her, removing her hands from his collar. All around, the men gasped.

"What the hell can you protect when feelings are the only weapon you've got?!"

She stared up at him in shock, and saw how he glared back in anger. Cagalli had never seen him so upset.

The moment ended quickly.

"Hey!" one of the men yelled. "Someone help! That girl is bleeding!"

Kira spun around, his eyes searching for the one the man was talking about. He saw her lying on the sand, her bag beside her. As he ran to her, the blood became clearer, and in panic, called out for help.

-

"You know, I could tell you didn't really want to be there."

Athrun sighed. Nicol had been pushing the same thing ever since his piano recital ended.

He had been invited to watch his friend play that night, and promised to be there. It wasn't that he hadn't wanted to go; it was just that the music was more depressing then he thought it would be.

Mai had loved the piano.

"It's not that. I wanted to go, really."

Nicol frowned. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have asked you to come… not when you're still in this stage."

Athrun knew his friend hadn't wanted to say 'grieving', so he didn't say anything in return.

The piano recital had been held in a nearby military base, but they weren't required to be in uniform. It was a weird feeling for Athrun, watching everyone else in the familiar outfits. Some of them gathered in small circles, chatting away, while others ran around delivering papers. Athrun turned to speak to his friend, but only collided with another body.

He heard the sound of paper, which was all he could see as the notes floated to the ground. The girl he had bumped into groaned, balancing herself again and kneeling down to collect the pieces. For a minute, all he could do was stare; transfixed by her for some unknown reason.

"Sorry," she sighed, "I didn't mean to hit you; I just couldn't see where I was going with all those records."

Athrun bent down to help her, taking in more of her appearance as he did.

Her long hair was a green color, just long enough to reach her shoulder blades. It was currently tied back in a loose braid, highlighting her face. He couldn't help but notice the unique eyes, a dark blue with a swirl of purple. She was wearing the familiar female ZAFT uniform, but in red, which showed her status was higher then those in the dark green.

He felt as if he should remember her; as if he'd seen her before.

"No, I wasn't looking either."

They stood with all the papers, finally piled again in her hands. She stared, almost as if examining him. He felt a little uncomfortable, until she smiled slightly.

"Are you in ZAFT?" she questioned slowly, as if asking herself the same question. "I don't think I've seen you around here."

"Actually –"

"Athrun!" he heard someone call, cutting him off. Athrun realized for the first time since Nicol had apologized that his friend hadn't even been by his side until he saw the younger boy running back to him. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Athrun started. But when he opened his mouth to continue, Nicol's eyes wandered away from him to the girl.

"Shaina? Why are you here?"

She laughed. "What? Why else do you think? To see your recital, silly."

"You were there? I didn't see you."

"Well, I had to sort of 'sneak' away from the academy, so hiding in the corner was the only way I wouldn't get caught."

Nicol laughed with her. "I don't get how your students even learn anything from you!"

Athrun watched them for a little longer, still concentrating on where he had seen the girl before. He realized the badge on her left shoulder, a dove shape, meant she was a teacher at the new academy nearby. She was about the same age as him, so something like that was a great accomplishment. It meant she either taught strategy or actual combat. He imagined her doing both; teaching in front of a group of students the same age as her, each with pens and paper, or showing them which lever did what inside a GINN.

"Hey Athrun? You remember Shaina, right?"

Athrun suddenly forced himself back to reality, where his friend was staring at him, expecting an answer. The girl laughed, her answer beating him before he could think.

"It's been a while; I'm sure he doesn't remember me."

So they had met; again, Athrun wondered where.

Nicol, giving up on his friend's lack of conversation, introduced them. "Athrun, this is Shaina, my older sister."

It clicked in then, seeing her face and hearing her name. He didn't think why it had taken him so long to figure it out. His mind was swirling, distracted by another thought.

Shaina Amalfi.

A friend of his sisters. One of the four girls she had always been with, laughing, talking, and fooling around. It was rare that any of them went somewhere without another. It was around the same time he met Kira.

"I don't blame you for not remembering me," she started, smiling as she adjusted the weight in her hands. "We haven't seen each other in about three years. Since –"

He watched her freeze, stopping herself before she said a name all of them didn't want to hear. Shaina's smile faded slowly.

They stood in silence.

-

Her sight was the first sense that returned to her.

The rest came slowly. A barrage of scents attacked her nose, suffocating her when we took her first breath; Rubbing alcohol, floor wax, bleached linens, blood, sweat.

Tears.

Next, she could hear the beep of the machine she knew she was attached to. She wondered how much her body depended on it. When she could feel her body, move her fingers, she expected pain. She waited, but it never came.

Mai looked around the white room, searching for a sign to tell her how long she was asleep. Nothing.

She pulled off the mask and sat up, only feeling stiff from lying down for so long. Again, no pain. The white dress became visible once she pulled away the sheets, but she saw her uniform folded on a chair nearby. While she changed, she noticed the blood soaked bandages wrapped around her waist. If she was wounded, why was there no pain?

She tested it, pressing her hand against the spot. Still nothing.

Slowly, she started peeling it off. There was proof that there was a wound, but as if it already had weeks to heal. It wasn't bleeding, and the wound had closed over and crusted. Once she finished changing, she opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

"Mai! What're you doing?!"

Miriallia ran up to her, Tolle following close behind. She held onto Mai, as if the wounded girl would collapse without her help.

Mai blinked, her brain slow to realize what was going on. "Miriallia? It's okay, I'm alright."

"Are you crazy?" she questioned madly. It reminded Mai of a worried mother who pulled her child away from something like a stone fence they wanted to walk on.

"The doctor said you wouldn't be up for at least a week!" Tolle said, hurrying to her other side to balance her. "You lost so much blood!"

Mai struggled against them, freeing herself from their hands. "Listen! I'm okay, really!"

"I was there, Mai! I helped them bandage you up! There's no way you can be fine!"

Before Mir could reach out to her again, Mai raised her shirt enough for them to see where the wound had been. They froze; Miriallia raised her hands to her mouth and gasped.

"That's…. not possible."

-

"How long was I asleep? I thought it'd been at least a week."

They were on the way to see the Captain now, to tell her about Mai's recovery. It had been her idea; she wanted Marrue to know she was able to move now.

"No, the fight only happened two days ago." Mir answered her softly. She was still hovering, making sure she was there if her friend really wasn't okay.

"Have I missed anything?"

"Not really; Lieutenant Badgiruel went with some soldiers to get more supplies for the trip. Captain Marrue and Lieutenant La Flaga are making plans, and Kira went in town to get some little things for us."

Mai frowned, her legs went numb, but she continued to walk. This was a pain she didn't want; she'd gladly take the pain of her waist over it. She remembered what had happened before, why her heart felt so empty. She remembered her brother wasn't the only reason her heart ached. Kira was another reason, his relationship with Flay, not her. She hated it.

And yet, some part of her longed to see him and make sure he wasn't hurt.

"Hey!" They heard in the distance. "What the hell is he doing?!"

Hearing the familiar metal groan of a Gundam, Mai took off at a run. Mir and Tolle called after her, but she didn't stop. Mai ran into the hanger, grabbing a rail to stop herself from falling. The Strike was moving, but not very well.

Her first thought was it wasn't Kira, it couldn't have been. He wouldn't move so sloppy.

But who was there? Who would dare even try piloting such a machine?

"Could someone tell me what the hell's going on here?" The mechanic snapped, walking beside the Strike with his crew. It was moving so slow that they could keep up to it.

Mai saw La Flaga, with Flay appearing nearby. Tolle and Mir came up to Mai, and stopped in their tracks.

"Who's in there?" La Flaga called out. No one knew. Who would have a reason?

Mai started running again, finally figuring out who it was; who was desperate enough to try. She didn't think about the possible ifs or the maybes.

Sai loved Flay.

Sai, the one person who could even begin to understand Mai's pain.

The Strike collapsed to its knees. She ignored the other's yelling at her and scrambled to reach the cockpit. She could hear his screams of pain once she was close enough, but knew he was not hurt.

How long would it take them both to heal?

_It was hard for me to notice, because it wasn't exactly what I was looking for. Every time she showed me kindness, I didn't think of her reasons. I was just happy enough that someone cared.  
__It took me until now to realize we shared the same pain._

**Sai Argyle **

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**Don't forget to Review! :D**


	11. Entry Eleven

**Akane: Hi~~~~!!!! I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!! xD About time, huh? **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Gundam Seed, but I do own Mai and the original plot around her!**

**Akane: Enjoy, minna-san! :D Please R&R! Reviewing ACTUALLY makes me want to write more, believe it or not! :3**

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"_Tears are the silent language of grief."  
_**Voltaire**

**ENTRY ELEVEN: BROKEN HEARTS**

The seconds turned into minutes, then hours.

She knew she had no more tears left. That her body was dry and nothing else would come, but she accepted it. Mai was glad she was dry; she didn't want to cry for herself, but the weight of everything was catching up to her.

She wanted to see Lacus.

Lacus, her best friend, was who she always went to with her troubles. Mai would always get advice from her, even when the pink haired girl wasn't trying. Between song writing and everyday problems, they could talk for hours. Right then, she just wanted her there.

So, she was sitting at the desk in her room and resting her head on the cool surface, listening to Lacus' song on her laptop. Staring at the inside of her locket she had placed on the table. When Lacus' voice came to an end, and one of her own cheery song's started, Mai turned the laptop off then reached into her bag. She felt around for her headache medicine, but her fingers wrapped around something else. Curious, she pulled it out.

It was a small, plain, silver case a little larger then her hand. She shook it; something was inside, but it wouldn't open when she tried. A lock? On the top of the case was a curved hole the size of a small key. A key she didn't have.

--

"Kira, it's probably best if he doesn't see you."

"But –"

"I know, but we don't want Sai to go nuts again, right?"

Mai clicked into where she was, after spending at least ten minutes hunting down a tool to pry the case open. She had tried a knife from the kitchen, only to have it snap in her hands. Now, as she headed towards the hanger to borrow some tools from the mechanics, she saw both Kuzzey and Kira standing in front of one of the rooms in the hallway. She realized it was Sai's room, where he was to be locked up for the next week as his punishment.

"I can take it in," she said, walking towards them with her hands held out. She smiled at Kuzzy, but only gave Kira a small glance. Any more then that, and she figured she'd break down right then and there. "I'm sure he'll be happy to see me."

After a few more seconds, Kuzzey finally agreed and gave her the tray. Kira didn't say a word to her, but she felt his eyes on her until the doors slid shut behind her. She sighed, releasing the air she'd been holding in as an extra precaution.

Mai's eyes landed on Sai, sitting in the corner, and instantly felt her heart shift at the sight of his face, the look of his eyes behind tinted glasses; tired, sad, broken. She swallowed her own pain and prepared to reach out to his.

"Hey you, how are you feeling?" She questioned quietly.

"Fine," he mumbled, before raising his eyes to her face. She watched the flash of realization turn into curiosity. "Mai…?"

Mai smiled, setting the tray of food at his feet before sitting against the wall beside him. "I figured you must be hungry."

"Yeah, thanks…"

Silenced past as she watched him pick at his food, but not eating any of it. At one point he took the bun in his hand and stared at it, as if debating whether or not eating it was worth anything.

"You know," she started slowly, "a week isn't that long. You've already gone through two days."

Sai smiled slightly. "I know… I deserve this, though, so I can't complain." He took a bite.

"It's not your fault you feel this way…" She hugged her legs and rested her chin on her knees. Sai was staring at her now, and she whispered: "It's…. It's not _our_ fault we feel this way…"

--

Kira didn't know what was wrong with him, but Flay's words still bothered him.

"He's a misguided fool," she had said after he had asked her why she was near his confinement room. When she had tried to pin his body down to kiss him, he pushed her off and ran out the door. Now, he was sitting in one of the ship's dark hallways. He was grateful they turned most of the lights off at night.

He tried to clear his mind, but so many things were still bothering him. It felt like it didn't matter what he tried to think through; he would always be troubled by something. Kira couldn't help but be reminded of _her_ face and the broken smile behind it. Was she regretting leaving home? Did she miss the brother she spoke of? Or was it his fault? Either way, she was upset.

Mai wouldn't even look at him.

--

"Mai?"

She didn't answer. The muffled call didn't sound like her name, not with the water running over her face.

Ever since she was little, Mai loved the water. Her and her mother would spend hours out in the sun, splashing each other and making shapes in the sand. She was sure _that_ was the reason water calmed her down so much.

That was why, when Marrue told her and several other members' of the crew to take a break, she grabbed a towel and headed for the showers. The Archangel had two shower rooms and two restrooms, each divided into male and female. The female shower room was full of stalls for privacy, and she was grateful for it now. Ever since she stepped into the shower fifteen minutes before, she hadn't moved. She had rested her head against the cold wall and just let the water run over her body, the water taking her problems with her. All her thoughts, all her worries gone and her brain void of everything. The only thing she focused on was the small scratch in front of her eyes.

"Mai?" the voice called again. She recognized it as her own name that time, but still didn't answer. The door shook, the slide lock protesting against the intruder. Finally, after a minute of struggling, the lock gave out and released the door. "Mai!"

When she realized the person had opened the door, she straightened her body and turned to see who it was. Miriallia stood at the door, still in uniform, but holding a folded towel on her arm with a worried look on her face.

"… Mir?" Mai managed to get out, everything she tried to forget slammed back into her mind.

"Oh thank goodness… I was worried sick when you didn't answer me." Miriallia handed her the towel once Mai turned off the water. She wrapped it around her body and tucked a piece of wet hair behind her ears.

"Sorry…. I guess I was just out of it. I didn't hear you."

Silence, almost like Mir was examining her, searching for the truth. Until finally: "Are you sure everything's okay? Is something bothering you?"

Mai tried to smile. "I'm just…. I'm just a little homesick."

"…. If you say so."

--

"Hey kid, how're you feeling?"

Would everyone keep asking her that?

"I feel better then earlier," she told Mu over her intercom, not exactly lying. Walking around with Mir during the rest of her break made her feel just a little better. She knew the difference between what her friend worried about and what her ally did; that being her heart and her quickly healing waist. "I had a rest, so I'll be fine."

The ship shook; she grabbed on to her seat. They were waiting for battle, for the instant they were called to protect the ship against the Tiger.

"**Strike, Ecran and Skygrasper prepare for launch,"** Mai heard Miriallia's voice begin to instruct them. She was the last to be catapulted into the air, the launch not affecting her vision as much as it did the previous time.

The Ecran was equipped with a specialized Blaze Wizard, similar to the Aile Striker Pack. Both type of equipment modules were created to aid the mobile suits in adapting different combat conditions. The Blaze Wizard provided higher mobility and firepower, also equipped with boosters and guided missile launchers; it was the obvious choice for the desert.

The second she could focus on the battle before her, she released the daggers hiding in the Ecran's hips and took down two of the enemies helicopters attacking the Archangel's bridge. Mu and the Skygrasper were helping the ship shoot more of them, while Kira was heading for the BuCUEs.

Mai followed.

"**How many BuCUEs are we dealing with?" **Kira questioned.

She swallowed her feelings and checked her scanner. "There's five altogether."

"**Valiant's, fire!" **Natarle ordered from the bridge. The Ecran spun out of the way, and shot down several missiles aimed for the Strike ahead of her. She raced to his side.

They danced around, blocking and firing, trying to take down the BuCUEs while protecting the Archangel at the same time. Below them, Desert Dawn vehicles fired at the large machines, one almost destroyed before the Strike knocked the BuCUE down and destroyed it.

"**Who's next?!" **he shouted.

Mai looked around, dodging the attacks from the helicopters. Mu had told the two teenagers to leave them to him and focus on the BuCUEs. She watched a missile hit the BuCUE to her left as Kira destroyed a second one to her right. Pulling back on the lever in her hand caused the Ecran to swoop down to the first BuCUE, ripping its body in half with her daggers. Cagalli had been in the vehicle which had attacked it; the sand that followed the BuCUE crashing to the ground engulfed them both. Mai used it to her advantage and took down another BuCUE by catching it off guard, protecting Cagalli's group before they could be harmed.

Silence; the BuCUEs were dead.

Gunfire broke the silence, missiles fired into the air. Mai spun around to see another ship approach behind the Archangel. An ambush.

"No!" She cried out, the same time as Kira, and they sped towards the ship.

A light flashed to her left, a signal of warning. A blur of sand separated them, only settling once the Strike was too far away. Mai felt her skin go cold at the sight of the orange cat-like machine, images of her father's database flashing through her head.

The Desert Tiger's LaGOWE.

"Kira!"

"**Go protect the ship, Mai!"**

"But –" she stopped herself; there was no point in arguing. "Be careful!"

"**There's cannon fire shooting down at us!"**

"**Evade it!"**

"**We can't! Shoot it down!"**

The voices filled her head as she headed for the ship, already shooting down as many missiles as she could from where she was. When she reached it, one of the shots hit her in the side. The screen flashed, but the phase shift armour could still last longer. Kira was fending off the Tiger; Mai had to protect the ship alone.

The Ecran straightened itself on the ship, raising the gun launcher from the Blaze Wizard towards the ambushing ships and fired. Her shots mixed in with the Archangels Helldart's and Korinthos but about fifty percent of them were shot down.

Mai's screen zoomed in as far as it would go, only to see the Duel and the Buster mimicking her own moves on top of the Lesseps's ship. She sent the pictures and the information to the bridge and continued to fire. In return, she was told the Archangel was stuck on the abandoned factory building below.

A Skygrasper flew by her head, but it wasn't Mu. "Hey! Who's piloting that?" she asked the Bridge.

Miriallia answered her: **"I have confirmation that Cagalli is the pilot!"**

What? How was that possible? Mai searched for her vehicle, and saw it abandoned in the sand. From her spot she couldn't help much, but watched her and Mu destroy one ship's cannons.

Mu shouted with enjoyment, happy with the turn of events. "That a girl!"

The Buster fired at Cagalli's Skygrasper, but missed; it seemed that Yzak and Dearka had yet to adjust to the new atmosphere. She aimed and fired at them again, but the Duel had moved to jump to the sand below. Based on what Athrun had told her, Yzak wasn't the most patient person in the world. The Buster moved to follow and was hit by a remaining shot, loosing an arm and the missile launcher it was holding. Mai prepared to repel the Duel if it got any closer, but it was disoriented in the sand.

Something hit the Archangel, the Ecran held on. The impact released the ship; it turned and fired at the enemy, destroying part of it after the Buster followed the Duel to the sand. Both mobile suits were not created for desert combat without some serious reprogramming; there was no way they could fight back, they could just barely defend themselves. Knowing this, Mai destroyed a missile from the Archangel that would've destroyed Dearka if it made contact. The Ecran flashed a warning, her power was low. She couldn't do much more to help anyone.

The Archangel had the Legged ship retreating, the same as the Desert Dawn and the two enemy mobile suits. The Tiger and the Strike were facing each other, not moving, and she realized neither was retreating. Andrew Waltfield was buying time for his men.

It was a duel to the death, and all she could do was stand by and watch?

Kira told him to surrender, and Mai heard his fuzzy reply through her comlink. **"Like I said, there are no clear ways on ending a war like this!"**

The Strike slashed the left of the LaGOWEs side, tearing apart its backside. The phase shift armour faded, and the LaGOWE took the chance to attack. Panicking, Mai forced the Ecran to stand, and fired, sending enough sand into the air to give Kira time. After that, her Gundam collapsed, the rest of its energy diminished. The Strike released the Aile pack and grabbed the dagger in its hip, similar to the Ecran.

Mai watched the two machines charge towards each other, ready to kill, and screamed for them to stop. The dagger went into the LaGOWE's head; if froze for a minute, before the body was engulfed in the explosion.

Mai couldn't help but cry, her tears falling silently._ "You have such a beautiful smile,"_ the Tiger had said, the first time they had met. _"You're mother must be proud."_

Who could possibly be proud of her? Who could be happy with all the killing caused by this war? Andrew was right, there were no clear ways.

So she decided to find one.

--

The pain he felt was beyond anything he could remember.

Athrun had finally managed to get away from everyone. His father had talked to him briefly, not looking him in the eyes even once, but Athrun expected that. He'd been that way ever since his sister's passing, not that he ever received much attention from his father. Mai was usually the one who balanced everything, but she was gone.

His chest throbbed again.

Lately he had been constantly getting these sharp internal pains, and had even gone to seek medical attention. He was told it was most likely due to stress, but he knew that couldn't have been it. There was many times in his life that he'd been more stressful.

Athrun locked the door to his room and took off his jacket. As he headed for his desk, he stopped, knowing what hung on the wall to his right. Slowly, he turned to it, not sure if he wanted to see the collection of faces and notes collected on the cork board. Two pictures stood out the most, right in the center.

The first, taken four years earlier during a class camping trip on Earth, was of him and his best friend. They were laughing, playfully fighting over whose directions were correct and who made them lost. When the girl's class had finally managed to hunt the boys down, Mai had taken the picture without telling them, her own friends laughing with them. It was the following spring the twins were forced to leave Copernicus behind.

The second was the same that decorated the inside of their matching lockets, his very locket hanging off the tack that kept the picture up. He took it in his hand, fingering the cold metal and the name engraved on it. _Athrun._

Athrun Zala: Patrick Zala's son and Mai Zala's twin brother.

He took the chain down and placed it around his neck, then continued to his desk.

-

_I made a promise to myself then. A promise that nothing would stand in my way, not even my friend. I was done trying to convince him, I wanted revenge. For my mother, for my sister._

_Revenge against the Naturals._

Athrun Zala

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**Review please! :D**


	12. Entry Twelve

**Aaaahh! I'm so sorry! Dx It took me waaay too long to update this, and I don't think I could apologize enough. D: I wanted to make this chapter bigger then this, but I figured I'd post what I had so at least you would know I wasn't dead. My life is starting to slow down, so this really shouldn't happen again.**

**Please R&R!  
**

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"_War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.__"_

**Jimmy Carter**

**ENTRY TWELVE: WATER**

"Oh no, please. I can't drink any more."

"What? Don't be silly; you've only had two!"

Mai laughed nervously, pushing away the man offering her more alcohol and reminding him that they were underage. She didn't think that mattered though, and her friends were already drunk. Kira had insisted on using the time to update the Strike.

Later, the Desert Dawn's elder gave a memorial to the fallen; the candles and desert flowers. The group watched as the names were counted off one by one, feeling the sorrow evaporate into a kind of hope.

* * *

"Amazing…" she whispered. Before she knew it, she had run back to the others to drag them into the sun.

"This is so great!"

"I can't believe how nice this feels to be out here!"

She laughed, feeling the breeze and the sun on her skin as she spun around. Mai stumbled, but Miriallia quickly caught her before she fell and brought her to her feet with Tolle's help.

"Careful now," he chuckled. Mai smiled sheepishly, before dragging him to the railing beside his girlfriend. The two of them, joined by Kuzzey seconds later, began to talk. She didn't pay attention at first.

Mai felt the breeze wash over her, chilling the burning layer of the sun and simply making her a comfortable warm. She could remember this feeling, but from a time long ago.

So, she began to hum, loud enough for everyone around to hear.

Her friends were quiet for a minute, listening to her song, before continuing their conversation.

Kuzzey sighed. "It sure is beautiful, but it's making me dizzy…."

"Oh yeah, this is your first time at sea, right Kuzzey?" Tolle questioned. Kuzzey nodded. "Weren't you born on Heliopolis?"

"Yeah….. The desert scared me, but this….. Doesn't it get really deep?"

"Yep. And there are _huge_ monsters at the bottom waiting to attack those who stay too long!"

Kuzzey froze.

"Tolle, don't tease him."

"Sorry, Mir."

Mai ended her song, resting a hand on Kuzzey's shoulder and smiled. "It's not as bad after you see it the first time." She closed her eyes, "it's so calming…"

"Have you seen the ocean before, Mai? Weren't you, you know….."

"My family visited often when I was young, and we'd spend a lot of time on beaches in the summer. Even though… I was born on the PLANTS."

Silence. The realization of her being a Coordinator hitting them like it did before. She began to hum again, breaking the quiet and returning everyone to their previous state.

Several minutes later, something caught her eyes from the lower deck. Mai excused herself to get a drink.

* * *

"_Berserkers were usually kind and gentle, but once they went into battle they were completely different people."_

Kira sighed, Mu's words still fresh in his mind despite the time that had past. He tightly gripped the fabric of his pants, bringing his other hand to his forehead.

He had to fight. To protect.

Thinking of this, and _who_ he needed to fight, he began to cry. He was getting tired of everything.

Behind him, he heard the door slide open, but silence followed. Was it a glitch?

"…. Kira?" he heard from beside him, causing him to jump and turn in the direction of the voice. Her face was only a metre away, her blue eyes wide.

"Kira?" she repeated.

He blinked, unable to find the right answer. Why was she here, talking to him? Wasn't she upset?

Mai looked away. Kira could sense the awkwardness between them and their silence. He stood, turning to walk away from her. Not only did he not want her to see him like this, but he was convinced she didn't want to really see him in general. He'd save her the anguish.

"Wait!" she stuttered out, stopping him. She showed him the canned drink in her hands. "I thought… You might have gotten thirsty sitting out here in the sun…" She paused. "Have you been crying?"

In his shock, he made the mistake of meeting his eyes with hers. Her own widened and the cans dropped to the floor. Before he could say anything, she embraced him, wrapping her arms around his body. At first, he felt her body shaking slightly, but her body quickly became calm.

"It's alright… Please don't cry."

Kira opened his mouth to reply, to say he was fine now, but he couldn't. There was no way he could lie to her. He stayed, letting the warmth of her body calm his nerves. They stayed like that for a minute, Kira refusing to be the one to let go of this feeling. He refused to let go of her and the rare chance to have her so close.

When she broke apart, she slowly looked up at him, as if thinking she did something wrong. He was still speechless, until she smiled at him and apologized for dropping the drinks and possibly scaring him.

"Are you feeling better?" she asked him.

"Uh… I… yes," he managed out.

"I'm afraid the drinks didn't survive the fall…"

"Oh… I'll -" he started, about to offer to get new ones since she brought the originals, but the door opened again. This time, Cagalli stepped on to the deck, and noticed them.

Mai smiled. "Well, I was just about to get new drinks. Would you like one?"

* * *

Once she had calmed down, she knew it was time to go back. Her heart had been racing since the moment she'd seen him, and the last minute choice she made to comfort him.

She rested her forehead against the cool plastic of the vending machines before she purchased new drinks. Her face was red and warm, but she knew that would happen.

Mai hoped that Cagalli would still be on the dock when she returned, giving her an excuse not to run away.

And she was; Mai was grateful, but didn't say anything. She offered them the new drinks and sat beside Kira, everyone's back against the ship. They enjoyed the cools drinks as the wind hit them from the ocean. It was a beautiful day, and Mai was happy they could enjoy the sight of it like this.

"You know," Cagalli started, "you're a pretty strange guy." Kira turned, his face full of questions. "Just like the other day, for example, when you freaked out and then slapped me."

Mai wondered what she was talking about, but kept the question to herself. It must have happened when she had been in the infirmary; she touched her stomach at the memory. The wound had begun to scar now. She refused to linger on her quick healing and paid attention to the conversation around her.

Kira seemed to have recalled what had happened, his face falling to guilt as he apologized. Cagalli shook her head, "No… It's not that I'm really mad. But I wonder sometimes why on Earth you're a Coordinator in the first place."

"What?"

"Oh," she sighed, "that didn't come out right. I mean why are you fighting with the Earth forces when you're a Coordinator?"

Mai looked away, focusing on the can in her hands. She started to wonder how much Cagalli knew about her or her situation, when the girl in question turned to Mai after not getting an immediate response from Kira. "And you. I watched you fight, too well without prior training." Had Marrue talked to her? Or had another crewmember? "You're a Coordinator, aren't you?"

Mai forced herself to smile, hoping that to be a good enough answer. Cagalli sighed again, mumbling about the both of them.

"You probably think that's strange." Kira answered finally. "I get asked that a lot."

Cagalli gave Mai a quick glance before replying. "Whether or not people think it's strange is not the point. We're in a war where Coordinators and Naturals are determined to destroy the other no matter what the cost."

_Because that's what they have been taught,_ Mai thought. From what she had seen, the ones who were fighting on the front lines were like puppets on a string. Told from the beginning which side to fight on, expected to eliminate those different from them. Both sides felt sorrow from those they lost, but neither side was right. She knew if it continued like it was, the war would never end. Mai didn't really have an idea of _why_ she had chosen to fight on the side she was, but knew she couldn't go back.

Cagalli continued. "I mean, don't you have strong feelings about that?"

Kira paused. Mai felt his eyes on her before turning to Cagalli.

"What about you?"

"My feelings towards someone have nothing to do with being a Coordinator or a Natural."

"Same here," Kira said, the same time Mai had whispered her own agreement. They turned to her voice, hearing it for the first time since they sat down. She had been keeping her emotions controlled, staying close if Kira needed her again but wanting to be as far away as possible.

When she realized they were waiting for her to continue, she swallowed hard and said what had been on her mind. Her voice was shaking as she started. "When you're out there, fighting for those you want to protect, who is a Natural and who is a Coordinator doesn't really matter. Each side fights only who they see as an enemy, but as far as I've seen, both sides are the same."

Cagalli didn't seem to understand her words fully, but Mai could sense Kira's feelings match hers in that minute. They had both felt the overwhelming need to protect, even if it meant fighting their own. The thought alone tore her heart in pieces.

She was reminded again of how her own flesh and blood wanted to kill her as Kira took over explaining how similar Coordinators and Naturals were.

"Like Naturals, we're only born with the potential. We have to sharpen our skills by learning and training properly. We're not gifted just because we're born as Coordinator's." Mai nodded, agreeing with his words. "It is true that we don't catch deadly diseases, and that our genes were altered before we were born to enhance our physical and mental abilities."

Mai quickly turned towards the door, thinking she heard footsteps. The other two hadn't noticed, so she wondered if she had imagined it. She guessed that her rest should also include sleep, but she didn't want to leave.

Or at least until a certain pink haired girl danced out in front of them and called out to Kira. The other pain came crashing down on her with every little flirtatious move that Flay made to get his attention. The comforting numb of being around Kira melted into a screaming pain.

When Kira stood, Flay wrapped herself around him in an instance, saying that they should go back to his room. That had done it; the lump in Mai's throat made it impossible to speak louder then a whisper when apologizing for leaving to do her work.

She barely made it into the next hall when the alarm sounded.

* * *

The Strike and the Ecran couldn't fly on Earth, and neither mobile suit could swim. The thought made her incredibly nervous as she waited to launch. She had seen data on a Scale System Wizard, a pack for the Ecran like the Blaze Wizard, but the Scale System hadn't been installed to the Archangel. Even with the scale system, it would be hard for the Ecran to stay in the water.

Without being able to move much, Kira and Mai were forced to hide behind the front legs of the Archangel, waiting for the underwater enemy mobile suits to surface. While Kira watched the water, Mai watched the sky. Several DINNs, flying mobile suits meant for Earth's atmosphere, danced in the air as they threatened to attack. She fired her beam rifle to separate them, but she was running out of shots.

"**I know that, but we need to do something right now!**"

Mai flinched at the sound of his voice, wondering why he was no longer muted. She wondered who he was arguing to, but the thought was cut short as one of the underwater attackers, which she finally recognized as GOOhNs, poked its head out of the water and attacked. The angle was too awkward for her to fire. As she opened her keypad to warn the ship, she watched the familiar blur of the Strike fly past her left screen. Mai cried out for him, knowing the Strike wouldn't be able to last long under water.

Mai watched the surface, not being able to find him through the flashes of light. She couldn't help him if she couldn't see him, so she forced herself to focus on the DINNs flying towards her. With their attention on her, Mu and his Skygrasper were able to destroy the leftover missiles aimed at the Archangel.

One of her shots managed to destroy a DINNs wing, while the Archangel's valiant's destroyed it as it turned to retreat. She bit her lip at the unnecessary death. The death may have been necessary for their survival, but she still couldn't help but think about the one who died. The family and friends who would grieve for the death of a loved one.

Mai turned her attention away and searched for Kira again. He was taking too long.

"Kira?" She called to him. She waited, but received no answer. Trying again, she was uncomfortable with the way her voice would break.

Suddenly, the Strike shot out from the water. Without knowing why she reacted, the Ecran reached to grab its hand before it could fall back to the water.

"**Thanks.**"

Her worries disappeared with his voice, but the pain had appeared to the front of her mind. It hurt so much to love him.

* * *

The doctor sighed, not liking the silence that followed his report. His report laid spread out on the desk between him and the Captain. Mu La Flaga watched over her soldier, just as silent as she was.

Slowly, she removed her face from her hands and looked at him. "Are you… sure that you did not make a mistake?"

The doctor nodded, pointing out a diagram in front of her. "I've double checked the DNA of their blood, just to make sure I hadn't made a mistake. In comparison to a Natural crewmember on the ship," he points to one sheet, before sliding his finger to the next, "the two of them share many similarities. But, when you compare them to each other…"

Marrue examined the three DNA samples before her. The first one, titled with the name of the crew member the blood had been donated by. It showed the two single colored strands spiralling around each other, smaller pieces lining the stands and meeting in the middle. This was a normal generic code chain, which she had seen hundreds of times before.

The next one was similar to the first, with only two major differences between them. She compared the colours of the smaller strands, noticing that many of them had switched places. Unable to identify the chemicals in the diagram, she only paid any attention to the faint white strand weaving its way up the middle. The doctor had told them he was unable to identify what the strand was, but Kira's name at the top of the sheet must have meant this was a typical Coordinator chain.

The third and last was the one that had them all confused; the generic chain that belonged to the familiar blue haired Ensign. There was only one difference between the two children, which was the strand that separated Naturals and Coordinators.

She sighed and rubbed her temples, not able to figure out what it meant. If the doctor hadn't been able to find an explanation, what hope did she have?

Mai's unknown stand was a pure white.

_I've always heard that children are given a destined path when they are born, that their future is decided for them. As I watch those two grow, fighting for us and against their own, I realized what I had been told wasn't true. We choose our own path, as they had chosen theirs._

Marrue Ramius

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**Don't forget to R&R~! I'll do my best now to add more and double the size of the next chapter!**


	13. Entry Thirteen

**For those who read my other stories, I've explained that I'm going to try lowering the pressure on me my not making myself feel like I need to upload chapters more than 4000 words. ;; Hopefully that means I'll be able to post quicker! :3 **

**Also make sure to review! I find I love writing more right after a good review~ x3**

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_"Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter."_

**Friedrich Nietzsche**

**ENTRY THIRTEEN: CRIMSON – PART ONE**

She counted the seconds that passed with each throbbing of her head.

Mai was unable to sleep, and the medicine she had taken hadn't helped her at all. Ever since she had gone to her room, she couldn't understand how her body felt so weak. She rested, the only remaining pain the pounding in her head. In the dark and the silence, it had managed to slow down only a little.

For the second time since she had lain down, Miriallia came to check on her. As much as Mai wanted the silence, she enjoyed her friend's visits. She smiled when Mir walked through the door.

"Miriallia," she managed out. Her voice had become more stable since earlier that day, and she knew her friend could also hear the slight cheerfulness in her voice. Mai felt like herself enough that she would leave with Mir this time. She wanted to move around, see how things were going, and check the Ecran. The Gundam had become such a part of her life it felt like an extra arm; if it wasn't working properly than neither could she.

"How do you feel?" Miriallia asked, Mai's smile mirrored on her face. She didn't wait for an answer and went straight to feel the blue haired girl's forehead.

"Better."

"You look better, that's for sure."

Miriallia sat on her bed, biting her bottom lip as if to hold in a question. Mai patted her arm and told her it was okay to ask her anything. She was one of the many people aboard the Archangel that she hated lying to more than was necessary.

"It's just…" Mir started. Mai watched her struggle with her words. "I've known Kira for a while now, but he's never been… sick. Not like you seem to be. I thought…"

"That Coordinators don't get sick?" Mai smiled half-heartedly. She was always wondering the same thing. "I don't know what's wrong. It's only been like this since I've arrived on this ship." She had managed to figure out a timeline, from when she had first felt like this. It was new to her, but she also knew Naturals had experienced such pain at least a couple times in their lives. What did that mean? Was she defective, or was it from being around the others? It couldn't have been the second case, since Kira always seemed fine.

That must've meant she was defective. Brilliant.

The door opened, someone called out Mai's name to get permission to come inside. She wondered why he was there, or why he had hesitated. "It's alright, Sai, you can come in."

He stepped inside, holding one of the ships water bottles in his hand. When he saw the two girls, his face instantly broke out into a smile. Mai smiled back; she was happy to see him feeling better.

Miriallia helped her sit up so she could drink from the bottle. Mai didn't think she really needed the help, but couldn't refuse. The water felt amazingly cool down her throat. She hadn't been hungry before, but now her stomach was craving something more.

Mai asked the two if they would accompany her to the cafeteria, and they gladly accepted.

This happened the same time Kira knew he wanted to get out of his own room.

"Here Flay, this should help." He placed the cold cloth on her forehead. Flay had been complaining about feeling sick ever since she had found him after the last battle. Right as Kira opened the door to his room to get her to lie down he had heard voices down the hall. A couple of passing soldiers were talking about how 'the girl pilot' had been brought to her own room right after leaving the Ecran. He had only been able to hear that she looked ill before the girl attached to his arm pulled him inside.

Now he wanted to know how she was doing, and it was hard to pay attention to Flay.

"Oh, that feels so good." She pressed the cloth closer to her forehead and sighed. "You're no surprise Kira, but why is no one else on board seasick?"

"I don't think the ships swaying enough for it to be seasickness." Kira looked away as he spoke, afraid she'll see the suspicion on his face. She didn't look sick, but he couldn't just leave her.

"It's swaying enough for me," she mumbled with a disgusted groan.

An idea clicked in Kira's mind; a possible escape route. "I could go get Miriallia? She could, um… take care of you?"

"No!" She reached out and grabbed his arm. "It's fine as long as you're here." Kira sighed, the little robot bird jumping on his shoulder as if to rush him. "But… I could use a glass of juice or something to drink."

He couldn't help but let the relief reach his face and his lips curved up in a smile, even if it meant she would see. Kira headed for the door. "Okay. Just give me one minute."

"Kira, this towel's warm now!" He heard her call after him. Kira sighed at her attempt, but didn't look back.

* * *

Mai's laughter echoed throughout their ears. It was like the group was in a trance, as if in that moment all there was in the world was her. Miriallia loved watching her friend smile, the happiness over taking the sorrow she knew Mai must have been suffering.

When he watched her like this, Sai couldn't believe that this had been the same girl he had seen earlier. The same girl who had sat beside him during most of the time he was locked away. After the first time, all they really did was sit there. Not exchanging words, just sitting with each other's company. The whole time, she looked like she was on the verge tears. He waited for her to break down, but she never did.

Tolle, happy to have been able to change the subject, continued to tell a story about Miriallia and him before they were dating. The two of them had seen each other at a public pool, and Tolle had been so embarrassed and surprised that he had slipped into the deep end. Miriallia said she had been worried sick until he surfaced and gave her such a foolish grin. Tolle opened his mouth to begin a new story, but stopped to see who had come into the cafeteria.

Mai didn't have to turn to see who it was. Instantly, her laughter stopped and she felt her body freeze. She refused to let the others see the obvious change she felt, and tried her best to keep the smile on and decided to stare at her food. Beside her, Sai began to sulk and fiddled with his water bottle. Mai wondered if Kira would be able to tell her mood had changed, and decided to hide her face with her hair the best that she could. She gripped a piece at the end and played with it, amazed for a second how long her hair had grown.

Miriallia stood from her seat as Kira walked by, trying to speak and break the silence. "Hey, how's Flay feeling?"

"Bad… She had some medicine, but she's still groaning."

Kuzzy turned to Sai, whispering "you okay?" which he answered just as quietly as and had a fake smile that matched Mai's. "Yeah. I know I don't stand a chance against Kira."

Mai felt her throat tighten and yearned to say something, but was afraid that she would break down if she opened her mouth. Even after he had left with a glass of juice, the atmosphere in the room didn't go back to normal.

Kira sighed when the door closed behind him, knowing the room had fallen silent because of his arrival. He wished it wasn't like that, that everyone would smile and greet him as usual. For now, even though something was obviously wrong, he was just happy to see that she wasn't sick. Kira wanted so much for Mai to smile at him.

* * *

When the alert went off, Mai had been the first one to her feet. Miriallia had called out to her when she had started running into the hall, telling her to slow down. She heard her friends behind her as she headed for the hanger, knowing they would soon turn off into a different direction for the bridge.

Mai watched Kira step out of a room, and heard her friends stop behind her. She didn't stop, not only because she was afraid to face him. They needed to hurry, they needed to fight. There wasn't much time for personal feelings.

Knowing this, the two of them managed to act completely in sync while fighting on the battlefield. It was the only time the two and their will to protect would push everything aside and face what was before them.

* * *

Her heart pounded as she held the gun in her hands.

Cagalli had insisted on piloting a Skygrasper in order to help the Archangel in battle. She was nervous, and it affected her skills, but everything had been alright until she came across a Zaft carrier that knocked her down. The island she had landed on was small, and she had come across an enemy mobile suit. The pilot had hidden when she fired her first shot.

She couldn't let him get away, but she wondered if she could kill him. Cagalli had never used a gun before, let alone take someone's life.

As she edged closer to the large rock he was hiding behind, she noticed the bag he had dropped. The faint glimmer of a gun told her he would try to jump for it.

The pilot crouched, holding a knife in his hands. Trying to calm herself down, she slowly kicked the gun away, only to see him jump away. She panicked and shot at him, but missed.

When she could no longer see the pilot, she took the chance to reload her gun. He was somewhere, readying an attack. She turned to the other gun, confused by its shape. Picking it up, Cagalli examined the barrel; it was a new type.

The distraction was all the pilot had needed. He jumped from his hiding spot, not giving her enough time to fight back before he kicked the gun out of her hand and had her pinned to the ground.

Finally, at the sight of the knife, her panic caved in and she let out a terrified scream. She was going to die.

* * *

Mai couldn't calm down, despite her friends constant comments and attempts.

When she stormed towards her mobile suit, even Mu had pulled her away from it.

"Now where do you think you're going?" He scolded, unimpressed with her attempts to search for the lost girl. Cagalli's Skygrasper had disappeared during battle, so both Kira and Mai had taken shifts to search for her. Both had been unable to rest when it was the other's turn, and it hadn't gone unnoticed. "You know the Captain said you weren't allowed to search at night."

Mai tried to struggle out of the older man's grasp. She wasn't small, only a few inches shorter than Kira, but the man was strong. Mu La Flaga was determined to hold onto the back of her combat suit and not let her go.

"We can't just leave her out there! Kira's back now, I should be able to go."

Mu sighed. "Kira had only been back an hour before trying to go out again. Neither of you have rested when you were told too."

Turning her eyes away, Mai felt her shoulders slunk in defeat. "But…"

"Kira and I are both going to look for her when the sun rises," Mu let go of her and gave her a quick comforting pat before continuing. "You'll need to stay here in case there's an attack. We'll bring her back, don't worry. She's a strong girl."

* * *

Cagalli couldn't take her eyes off of the sleeping Zaft pilot.

The boy had decided not to kill her, tying her up instead. Though as the sky grew darker and the rain began to fall, he had slowly begun to pity her. As her clothes dried by the fire, she couldn't help but wonder how he could sleep, how he could let down his guard.

What was it about him that kept her gaze trapped? He looked so familiar, but she had never seen him before.

Finally, she tore her eyes from him and to the mobile suit that towered above him.

So many people had died, and so many more would lose their lives. She couldn't let him kill anymore.

Cagalli turned to the sleeping boy and reached for his gun.

* * *

The little girl in her dream was always crying.

She was so used to being surrounded by people, used to seeing them smile and listening to the sounds of their laughter. So why was she the one to suffer? Why was she forced to be alone in such a cold, dark place?

The girl cried out, wanting so much to be heard; wanting so much to be embraced by the warmth that had once held her. She wanted to escape from the abandoned snow covered city and the endless darkness. If only someone would save her, take her hand and help her find what she had lost so long ago.

When no one answered, she reached to wipe her tears as her attention was caught on something else.

The snow was soaked with crimson.

* * *

**I'll try to finish it before my camping trip this weekend~ Please review~**


	14. Entry Fourteen

**Sorry it wasn't before my camping trip, but here we go~ The second half to Crimson! Please enjoy, and R&R!**_  
_

* * *

_"Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter."_

**Friedrich Nietzsche**

**ENTRY FOURTEEN: CRIMSON – PART TWO**

Mai gasped, desperate for air and gripping at the sheets as though she was drowning. It took her several minutes to calm down, but once she had the feeling quickly faded away. For a while longer still, she refused to move.

Her body demanded her to jump up, to run for the Ecran and set out with the others. They had to find Cagalli, Kira and Mu could not cover enough ground to find her in time.

No, that was wrong. Her heart slowed once she recalled what had happened the previous day. Kira had found her on an island east of the ship. Cagalli was safe, so was that really why she had been in such a panic? Mai wasn't sure. Something had been bothering her, like someone had placed an important piece of a puzzle right out of her reach.

She looked around. The lights flickered on not to her movement, but to the sound of the small robotic cat jumping from her desk once it realized she was awake. It clung to her arm and rubbed against her cheek, causing the tired girl to giggle. Mai noticed the cat had scattered some pages when it jumped, completely throwing them out of order. They were details from the previous battle. Her Ecran had taken unnecessary damage from the Blitz to keep it from getting too close to the Archangel. On her return, some of the soldiers had questioned why she didn't just 'shoot the enemy out of the sky'. She had lied and told them that there had never been an opening and the damage was unfortunate.

Mai was beginning to wonder if Mu La Flaga had caught on to her. It didn't matter if it was during the fight or after, he was always watching out for her. Worried about her. Always trying to make her laugh when he was near and could feel she was upset. It made Mai so happy, reminding her of the times where her dear Athrun had done the same.

When they were small, Athrun had always been so happy. He was the one to cheer her up if she was sad, or make her smile if she had fallen and hurt herself. With her big brother by her side, she was never lonely.

That had been so long ago, she almost forgot what that felt like.

Mai stretched. Slowly she was remembering what had transpired. Kira and her had been trying to keep the four Zaft pilots from reaching the Archangel, but neither of them were having a lot of luck. The two had been forced to stay on the top of the ship, unable to catch up to the ship if they moved to the water. With their movement restrained they could barely dodge the incoming attacks let alone deflect them. They wouldn't survive for very long unless they figured out a proper way to fight back.

The Archangel was being threatened by the Orb Alliance on one side with Zaft attacking head on the other. There was nowhere to go, and neither teenager had wanted to admit the only way of survival was to knock the enemy pilots out of the sky. It was much too personal for either of them, though they weren't aware of it.

Before their last bit of hope had been chipped away, Cagalli's voice echoed over the comlink.

Mai rubbed her temples, mentally mocking herself for not being able to remember the face of Orbs princess that she had met as a child. When her and Athrun were young, no more than seven, their father had brought them to Orb on a business trip. Mai didn't remember much of the event, except for the picture in their house of her family with the man by the name of Uzumi Nara Athha. It was before he had become the leader of the Orb Union though he was next in line; the two Zala twins in the picture stood on either side of the blonde princess.

Cagalli Yula Athha.

Many of the crew were shocked to found out about her heritage, thinking of her only as a desert girl. She had given herself away by ordering the Orb ships to guide them back, to bring them to safety. They owed the girl their lives, and Mai intended to pay her back anyway that she could.

Mai stood and let the tiny robot cat attach to her arm, stepping outside to search for her friends.

* * *

Her whistling echoed throughout the hall, and she loved how it sounded. She wasn't very good with her voice, but she still liked to try. It reminded her of the days she spent in school, singing with her friends late at night or going to karaoke.

She stopped in front of a door, her red odango ponytails bouncing behind her; the feather ornaments in her hair shimmering under the light. Using the wrench in her hand, she went to knock, but the arguing voices inside froze her.

Ritska Monroe knew both of those voices, but only one of them sent shivers down her spine. She could feel it now as she listened to the anger in his voice.

She glanced down at herself, strangely feeling nervous. Ritska straightened the green Zaft jacket of her uniform and fluffed out her skirt. She hated the style they forced upon them, but had managed to customize it without crossing any lines with her superiors. The skirt she wore was black, matching her black stockings and gothic combat boots that went just past her shins. She took pride in her style, wearing belts and trinkets that had never managed to get in her way. The girl was no longer judged only by her look and had shown everyone just how skilled at her job she was.

No one questioned her rank of lead mechanic aboard the Vesalius, chosen and commanded by Rau Le Creuset himself. She had been sent to Earth to follow the members of his team, told to follow the orders of a replacement leader. The angry voice told her who he had chosen, and she filled with excitement to see his face like that.

Ritska took a breath and knocked on the door.

"Enter."

The door opened, and when she stepped inside her face held no emotions. She heard the blond in the corner curse at the sight of her, and watched as two lower ranked soldiers saluted her.

"Yeah yeah, at ease," she mumbled. Ritska turned towards her victim and accusingly pointed her wrench at him. "I'm going to kill you for what you did to my Buster."

Her cousin swallowed hard, not keeping his eyes away from her weapon. He knew that the small girl could send a grown man flying without breaking a sweat.

Dearka had known the second the Ecran had damaged the Busters' arm he was screwed. "Hey hey; it's not my fault! They had me cornered!"

Nicol, who had been sitting beside him, laughed and ignored the tense atmosphere behind them. "That's not true; Dearka got ahead of himself and he went to close to them."

She watched Dearka spit out excuses as she closed in on him.

"Hey wait, since when was the Buster yours?"

"It's been mine from the day you brought it to me to fix it!"

After they had finished arguing, Ritska took her place beside her cousin. She could feel the tension resurface, but was glad she had managed to break it for as long as she did.

As long as Yzak had been looking at her, she was always content.

"Back to the subject at hand," Athrun gained back the attention of everyone in the room.

* * *

Mai took a sip of her tea, feeling the warmth flood her body as she sat in the cafeteria with her friends.

"I never thought this is how we'd end up in ORB…" Tolle mumbled, Miriallia sitting beside him and rubbing his back.

She could feel Sai fidget beside her. He hadn't left her side since he had noticed her leaving her room. When Sai had first started to follow her around, she had felt a little awkward about the situation, especially when Kira saw them together. Eventually though, between him and Miriallia, she was glad to have the company. They eased the clenching of her heart.

Kuzzey was also nervous, pacing beside their table. "Hey… what…" he bit his lower lip, trying to raise his voice higher than a mumble. "What exactly happens in this situation? Do you think they'll let us… disembark from the ship?" He shook his head, avoiding the question from his friends. "Or at least some time off?"

Mai smiled at him, trying to calm him down. "It's because of this situation that they might at least give you some time off. The ship has taken a lot of damage from the last encounter, so I won't be surprised if we have to stay here for a while."

The idea seemed to lighten him up a little. "Yeah, that's right!"

Arnold Neumann stood behind them, taking a sip of his own drink. "Though this whole thing is still really complicated; this is a difficult nation, the fact that they even let us into their territory like this is still pretty hard to believe."

Without even having to look up from her glass, Mai could sense the sudden tension in the room. Not only had Neumann's words lower Kuzzey's hopes again, but Kira had suddenly walked into the cafeteria. Sai's body had gone straight at his arrival, and he had moved closer to Mai out of instinct. She could feel him holding his breath.

Neumann continued. "In other words, everything is up to ORB. We won't really know what's happening until the Captain and the others return."

Mai knew that the Captain, along with Mu La Flaga and Natarle Badgiruel, had gone to meet the Chief Representative himself. She was glad Kira and her weren't forced to go, afraid that once the man had seen her he would recognize her face.

Miriallia frowned. "But our parents are here… doesn't that matter?"

Remembering the story they had told Mai about how they had gotten aboard the ship, she wasn't surprised how badly all of them wanted to see their families. Mai herself wanted so much to hold her brother in her arms.

"You want to see them?" Neumann questioned. "Well, I hope you get the chance."

Mai heard the sound of Kira's footsteps as he headed back towards the door. She took the chance to glance at him, noticing the two cups on the tray he carried. Regret stung at her eyes, tying a knot in her throat.

The feeling hadn't left later that evening, when both Kira and Mai were told to walk their mobile suits to a different location. They followed their instructions together well, but Mai had avoided looking at him while they were being briefed. She could feel him watching her, and that only made it worse.

The Ecran stopped at the entrance of the giant doorway, Mai's hands shaking too much for her to focus. The feeling passed quickly, but lingered in her blood as she continued to step forward. Despite what her instincts told her, her mind refused to believe it. There was no way that could happen, and yet at the same time she felt like it was true.

Athrun Zala was near.

_It's complicated to explain, the relationship between a pair of twins. I've always been amazed by the two of them, how it did not matter if they were apart, since there was a sparkle in their eyes that would show their connection still remained.  
What did not make sense to me, however, was how Athrun could not see what I could in his eyes._

**Lacus Clyne**


	15. Entry Fifteen

**xYuzuruRengex – Thanks for sticking with this! I know that last update seemed short, but it's a lot easier for me not to feel pressured to write like 5,000 words per chapter and divide it into two updates. Did you prefer longer updates but more spread out?**

**haganeochibi – I'm sorry I couldn't finish that last chapter within the week, but I tried~ I really love writing both emotional parts and the action parts! Gundam Seed has always been emotional, but still balanced with action. I'm trying to keep to that balance, but the emotional parts tend to win. ;; I'm really glad to see you're still reading this! As for Mai being a clone or not, you'll just have to keep reading. :P**

**Blitz12 – Please don't feel bad for forgetting this, you'll make me feel even worse. ;; I'm really going to try to get back in this and update more! I'll fix the fanart link right away too.**

**For my readers, I give you permission to harass me if you feel I'm not writing fast enough. :P**

**P.S. I AM NOW PAST THE HALFWAY POINT OF THE SHOW!**

* * *

**"**_**Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared."**_

**Eddie Rickenbacker**

**ENTRY FIFTEEN: MEMORIES**

Mai held her breath as they entered the laboratory. She was nervous, but not because of what the people would think of her companion and her, but more for the mobile suit. Even if they had been the ones to create it, it belonged to her now. The Ecran was an extension of her; if they took it away, it would only hurt her. She watched the Strike stop before her Ecran, a woman's voice telling them both to exit.

The woman introduced herself as Erica Simmons, the senior engineer of Morgenroete. Mai had learned only a little about the place, knowing it was the munitions company that created and equipped the Orb Union's armed forces.

"What is this place?" Kira asked as they followed behind her.

Erica smiled back at them and motioned to a passing vehicle carrying supplies. "We will be able to conduct complete repairs to both of your mobile suits here." She laughed. "I guess it's because, in a manner of speaking, they were both born in this facility. Come you two, there's something I want to show you."

She clapped her hands, every light in the large room turning on at once. The sight Mai saw before them halted her breath.

"But these…" Kira whispered beside her. Mai felt like she was going to be ill.

They were surrounded by mobile suits.

"You don't need to be that surprised," said Erica, slightly laughing their reactions off. "After all, you had first seen the Strike on Heliopolis, didn't you?"

Mai shook her head. "The Ecran had been somewhere else…"

The woman sighed, showing some sign of regret. "The Ecran, unlike her brothers, had been taken from us when they were still in production. The Earth Alliance no longer thought they were safe with us."

"Now you see the true face of Orb, the so called neutral nation." They turned, only to watch Cagalli storm up to them. Mai rushed to her, both girls happy to see each other. Even though Cagalli did not remember her, they had reconnected the short time they were together. Mai reached out to her friends red cheek, but Cagalli looked away before she could question her and turned back towards Kira.

Erica Simmons ignored them and motioned to one of the mobile suits. Mai walked past her and reached out to touch the surface. "It's called the M1 Astray, constructed by Morgenroete for the Orb Military."

"They're easier to mass produce…" Mai's voice was quiet, fear and disgust boiling within her.

Kira must have heard her. "Just what does Orb plan to do with these?"

Erica chuckled. "What do you mean?"

"They're to be Orb's protectors." Mai turned to watch Cagalli as she spoke, but found herself continuing her speech instead.

"Orb will not attack another nation, nor will Orb allow another nation to attack them. Orb will not intervene in the conflicts of other nations. Right?"

Cagalli seemed shocked at her words at first, but quickly nodded in approval. "These are apparently supposed to help ensure that."

Mai glanced at the machines again, the boiling feeling twisting and turning in her stomach. Unlike the Strike and her Ecran, the way the machines towered over her was more horrifying than majestic.

Cagalli sighed. "That's how Orb was supposed to be… before Father decided to betray it."

Both teenagers turned to her, confusion in their eyes. Erica Simmons chuckled again; so far Mai wasn't very fond of the woman. "Are you still going around saying that? How many times do I have to tell you that it just isn't true; Lord Uzumi had no idea that Heliopolis was helping the Earth Alliance with the production of their mobile suits."

"Shut up!" Cagalli snapped at her. "That is not an acceptable excuse! Not knowing the truth of the matter is a crime itself."

Mai's own eyes started to water, reminded of the many times she had felt her own father had betrayed her and the ones that loved him. An image tried to prickle its way into her mind as Cagalli and Erica argued, but she pushed it aside. She'll figure that out later.

"Come you two; let's leave this silly girl behind."

They followed, Mai hesitant at first. Once Cagalli had caught up to them, she felt more comfortable and slowed to let her catch up. The next door opened to a place that was more like an observatory, a giant glass window overlooking the room next to it. Three of Orbs Astray's stood in that room, the light reflecting of their colourful skin. Mai was used to her Ecran only bursting to life with the Phase Shift armor, giving another sense of superiority to her Gundam. Mai realized how defensive she was being over a weapon, but she accepted that more than the things that stood before her.

Erica Simmons was handed a headset to her by one of the workers. "Asagi, Juri, Mayura." Three different female voices enthusiastically welcomed her before beginning to tease the blonde princess.

Apparently Cagalli had once tried to pilot one of the machines, but had failed miserably. Her face was red with embarrassment. "Will you three drop it?"

Mai smiled at her reaction, but the emotion vanished the second one of the mobile suits took its first step. It almost hurt her to watch such slow and clumsy movement.

She knew then why Kira and she had been brought there.

"At least _we_ can use them!" One of the girls snapped back at what Mai assumed was Cagalli's criticism. Kira seemed mortified at their movement speed just like Mai had.

One of the other girls joined in to defend her friend. "You don't know how hard we're trying!"

"The enemy doesn't care if you're trying your best. All that matters to them is taking you down, and they especially won't stop to check how old you are." Mai told them, borrowing Cagalli's headset before the blonde could say anything.

Erica sighed. "That's enough. You girls can't argue with what both Ms. Hitamaru and Cagalli are telling you. That's why we have to concentrate on making these machines stronger." She turned to the two pilots. "More along the lines of your mobile suits capabilities; the Ecran and the Strike." Her smile seemed friendly, but Mai knew what she was going to say. "We need your technical co-operation. We're going to have you develop a support OS for us."

Mai jumped, feeling a hand on her shoulder. When she turned to look, she realized it was Kira; his face solemn as he watched what was in front of them.

Neither of them wanted to have anything to do with the creation of weapons.

* * *

Uzumi Nara Athha sat alone in his office, his eyes unable to tear away from the two files on his desk.

On the left, a smiling girl with long blue hair stared back at him, her name a facade to who she really was. He was reminded of the last time he had seen her, the small child always laughing and dragging his daughter wherever she went. When was the last time he had seen Cagalli so happy?

On the right, a brown haired boy with no emotions, one he had not seen since the boy was a baby. He knew nothing else about him, only the history and story of his parents.

Uzumi sighed, rubbing at his temples. What were the chances the three of them were to meet like this, all aboard the same Earth warship? He knew the day would come when he'd have to tell his daughter the truth, but that was not what concerned him then. It was the chance that the other two had met with each other that worried him. It was not a good sign.

* * *

Cagalli looked over the bridge hovering over the two mobile suits that were being repaired. She had decided to talk a walk there after leaving Mai's side. The poor girl had left the presence of the others to get a drink, and Cagalli had decided to follow. She could see the ill look on the other girls face and at first had given her some air.

About ten minutes later, when the two of them sat together, Mai had whispered an apology. Cagalli felt uncomfortable and had no idea what to say.

"You know…" Mai had whispered, not taking her eyes away from her glass of water. "These weapons… everyone is always saying that they created weapons to defend themselves… but…" The way Mai had looked up was still fresh in Cagalli's mind, how her eyes shone with tears, as well as the words that followed. "If someone is killed for killing someone, and someone else is killed for killing him… I just don't understand how that kind of thinking will ever bring us peace."

Cagalli shook her head of the thought, remaining surprised of the impact of such words. She looked into the cockpit of the Strike and watched the workers fingers dance on the keyboard.

"Wow," she called down to him, "You're really good at that." The worker looked up. Cagalli chuckled at the sight of Kira's confused face. "I was wondering who would be working on the Strike, but it makes sense that it would be you, Kira."

Kira looked down to his clothes, the beige and orange technician uniform of Orb not his favorite thing to wear. "Yeah, but they said it would be best to wear this while working in Morgenroete."

Cagalli nodded and offered for her and Kira to get a drink, which the boy had agreed to. While they walked to the vending machine, she hoped with all her heart that Mai had still been there, staring into her water again like before she had left her. Even if they weren't aware of it, Cagalli could see that the other two had a connection, and she knew if anyone could understand Mai's feelings, it was Kira.

When they arrived however, the girl was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Mai sighed, letting her forehead gently rest on the desk beside her laptop. The information on the screen flashed, scrolling through the file until the program found what it was looking for.

Kira and she had decided to split the work, Kira working on the offensive capabilities on the Astray prototypes while Mai took the defensive. From what she had been taught from technology classes and from her father's technician teaching her secretly on the side, Mai had managed to create a shell for the information. After writing a separate program, she was beginning to put them together. She couldn't continue until the transfer was complete.

"_Birdy_?"

Mai looked to her bed, watching the small yellow and green bird tilt its head at the robot cat below it. Mewmo added her own noise, behind adding a hiss and swiping at the bird. When one of the attacks went a little too close, the bird flew off the railing and landed on Mai's finger. It jumped a little, before spreading its wings out. The sight brought a smile to Mai's face. The small robot looked familiar to her, but the image in her mind was unclear. Robotic animals were common, but something about Kira's bird was different, unique, a lot like her precious Mewmo. Something crossed her mind, but she couldn't place it and brushed the thought away.

She closed her laptop and brought it with her as she left her room.

* * *

"Don't you have family here as well? Why aren't you going to see them?"

Kira's fingers froze, his eyes drifting away from the computer screen. Flay's voice had turned bitter with her questions, but he had been fine not thinking about the situation. He refused to turn to her, and continued with his work. "This is taking longer than I thought it would, but Mai and I need to get this done before the Archangel leaves." It was a strange feeling, saying her name in Flay's presence. It almost left a bitter taste on his tongue.

"Liar!" Flay snapped, and he could hear her walk up behind him. "You're lying!" She slammed her hand on the desk, earning his attention; her face red with anger. "What is it? You feel bad for me, is that it?" Flay looked away from him. "You pity me…"

"No, I…" Kira didn't understand, his eyebrows creased in confusion.

Her anger grew louder, her eyes brimming with tears. "Is it because no one is coming to see me, and now you're feeling sorry for me? Is that it?"

"No Flay…" Kira stood, the urge to defend himself rising as he tried to comfort her. "That's not it!"

"Oh give me a break! I just wish you'd stop it. You're putting on this whole big sympathy act for me but I just _really _couldn't care less!"

Kira hadn't even though of Flay when he had made his choice to not meet with his parents. He refused to explain himself to her; she wouldn't understand his reasons, instead turn it against him as she was doing then. The only one who was even close to understanding was lost to him.

He reached out to her, but even as much as he wanted her to feel better, he found his patience for her attitude dwindling. "Come on Flay…"

Flay slapped his hand away, a few of her tears escaping her eyes. "You're the one who's actually suffering, aren't you? You're the one people should be sorry for!"

Kira never asked anyone to feel sorry for him, it was actually the opposite. He wanted to be able to sit and laugh with his friends again, back on Heliopolis. Even though he understood the situation couldn't have been avoided, he wished with all of his heart that his friends had never of gone through this, still living ordinary lives.

"_Poor_little Kira! Kira's all alone… You feel terrible because you're fighting! When you can't protect people you feel even worse! So then… you start crying…" Finally, Kira watched her eyes explode with tears, throwing herself against him and pounding her fists on his chest.

As she wept, Kira was reminded of the little girl with the paper flower. How he couldn't save her or any of the other lives lost that day. After that, everything else came flooding back to him, every battle that he fought. Why was Flay reminding him of that? He already knew what had happened and regretted it, but he had to keep fighting.

"So how… how? How can you feel any sympathy for someone like me?"

Through his memories, there she was, her blue hair bouncing as she laughed and danced around. He remembered her voice echoing through the halls while everyone listened to her peaceful song, and the tears that fell down her face when she cried with him.

Kira sighed. This was it, his chance to try and make things right. "Flay, look… stop it." His voice was quiet at first, but once he realized the sobbing Flay couldn't hear him he tried again. "Let's put an end to it. This was a mistake." He heard her breath catch, and could feel her looking up to him.

"What… what did you say?" Her anger returned in a flash. "What? What does that mean?" Flay pushed him away from her and turned away from Kira. However, as she ran out his door, he had no intentions of following after her.

He thought about what he could possibly do next. Kira knew what he wanted to do, and what he needed to do, the latter expecting to be his top priority. No, he had to go while the idea was still in his mind. The program he was writing could wait, but only for her.

Kira headed for his door, multiple possible locations crossing his mind. Maybe she was still in her room, working on her own half of the program. She might have even finished it already, waiting in the cafeteria for everyone to return. It didn't matter where she was; he was determined to find her. What he would say to her was unclear to him, as long as he saw her.

The door opened, horrifying Kira for what he saw before him. There was the girl he had wanted to see, her body facing him as if about to enter, but her eyes staring down the hall. Mai's face was in shock, her mouth slightly ajar.

Not only had she witnessed Flay's outburst as she had ran past, there was also no possible way she hadn't heard anything. Kira whispered her name, earning her attention at last.

"Oh, Kira…" her face grew flustered, avoiding any eye contact with him. He watched her fiddle uncomfortably with the laptop in her hands. "I finished my program data, but I have to go meet Ms. Marrue…" Her voice was quiet, nervous. With no one else around neither of them could ignore the awkward tension that danced in the air between them.

"_Birdy_!" They both turned, watching the small robotic bird land on Mai's shoulders. It tilted its head and chirped again.

Mai raised her right hand, letting the bird jump onto her fingers before offering it to Kira. "I need to bring my computer with me, so I had to transfer the file onto its data chip…"

Silence passed again, Kira trying to find something to say to her. There was so much other than 'thank you' he wished he could tell her, but they were the only words that escaped his lips.

Mai nodded, pausing as if to add something. Kira waited; he hoped that she would say something, anything, which would break the tension. Instead, she bit her bottom lip and turned away from him. As she started to walk, the door closed in front of him.

Kira sighed, knowing his chance had been lost. The thought that he had giving up so easily had him staring at the floor, fists shaking in rage. He was furious with himself. No, it wasn't too late; he had to take the opportunity before it was completely lost to him. He rushed into the hall after her, only making it a few steps, surprised at what he saw.

Mai had decided to go back, having had just turned around when Kira burst out of his room. Their eyes met, and they remained in silence for several moments more.

Her eyes melted him, destroying his anger and any words he had decided to say.

His stare covered her skin in goose bumps, her heart screaming at her for avoiding him for so long.

"Kira." Strength had returned to her voice, even still as she started her next words carefully. "You'll have to talk to them about it one day, you know."

Of course she would say that after hearing what happened with Flay; she would worry about him, she would understand. She would always understand him.

* * *

With each step she took the echoing of her footsteps increased her pain. Mai had woken up that morning with a headache that had only increased as the day continued on.

She had left Kira with those words, meeting her Captain in her office. Even while she was reporting the work they were doing and the progress of repairs, her mind had been elsewhere. The Captain had denied her request to return to her room for rest and to change, asking her to report to the mechanics back at Morgenroete first. Marrue had instead given her a uniform of Orbs mechanics, apologizing for the apparel. Once she had updated them on the needed repairs of her Ecran, Mai had started as fast as possible to return to the ship. She wanted so much just to be able to lay down in the darkness and rest. The medicine she had taken did not take away any of her pain. Every time she closed her eyes, even for a second, something was trying to push itself into her mind that was lost quickly after.

She could see the exit to the hanger that held her mobile suit, the orange light of the setting sun decorating the clearing between buildings. One step into the light warmed her skin, lightening some of the pain. She wished she could sleep under it, wondering if she could find a tree or a patch of grass in such a gloomy area.

"Birdy!"

The familiar voice caused her to jump, searching around for him. Her eyes caught his figure to her right, walking towards the fence that divided the civilian road from military property. Still embarrassed from the previous encounter, she decided against calling out to him and wondered if she could make the clearing without him noticing.

One step was all it took to stop her movement, her eyes catching the figure Kira was approaching. Mai's breath caught, her heart frozen. Her eyes watered at the sight of him; the distance between the two of them didn't matter, she could still make him out perfectly from where she stood.

There was no way she was mistaken; the blue hair that was only slightly darker than hers shone in the sun, the specks of green watching ahead at the brown haired boy. They both stopped at the fence, only a meter separating them.

"Athrun…" she whispered his name, wanting so much to call out to him and run to his side. What she wouldn't give to embrace her brother again, sharing with him what he already knew about war. Mai tore her eyes away from him, letting the tears escape her and stepping back into the shadows of the hanger.

The small robotic bird was resting on Athrun's finger, calling Kira's attention to it.

An image came to Mai and stayed longer than the rest, the force of it collapsing her onto her knees. Her body shook, the cold attacking her blood and bringing her shivers. The image switched, this one exploding her tears and muffling her cries. It wasn't possible, her memories lying, but everything about these images felt true; felt _right_.

A group of children sitting around the same table, divided equally between genders, all laughing and telling jokes as they ate their lunch. The younger Mai shyly glanced to the boy she had just met beside her brother, but his returning smile warmed her heart. She found herself giggling as they talked together.

The same group a few years later, spending a school trip at one of the natural habitats on Earth. Mai had insisted on taking pictures before the friends split up, having them make funny faces for most of them. Her favorite out of all of them was the one she had taken of her brother and his friend when they were caught off guard, both boys laughing and teasing each other.

A day among cherry blossoms. The two friends stood across from the other on the park pathway, both not moving or saying a word. Mai stood between them and the car, the driver sent by their father giving them some time. She held her parasol with both hands to try to stop her body from shaking, but she couldn't stop the tears that fell from her face. Her brother offered a robotic bird to his friend, made by him to represent their friendship.

A large white room, the medical chair in the center surrounded by equipment. Her eyes grew blurry, her hearing distorted. The only thing that was clear was her father's presence, escorting her further into the room.

The images and scenes rushed into her mind, some fresh while others began to repeat multiple times. She couldn't stop her tears, couldn't stop denying what she saw. The more that passed, the more she knew what her reality was.

Kira and Athrun had been friends, the closest one her brother had. When their father had told them they were to return home, both twins had been devastated. Neither of them wanted to leave the school or say goodbye to their friends. They had spent seven years together in that school.

Mai muffled her cry again; Kira Yamato had been the first one she had grown feelings for.

_It scared me, thinking I had seen a ghost. While Athrun had approached the boy on the other side of the fence, my eyes caught sight of the blue haired singer that we were told was dead.  
I tried to shake the _sight _of her from my mind, but the terrified look on her face remained._

Dearka Elsman

* * *

**Please review!**


	16. Entry Sixteen

**xYuzuruRengex – Longer chapters it is! xD Mai was announced dead to the public, her escape pod missing in action. I know how you feel, I hate Flay. _ But please be patient to read how Mai and Kira progress. ;D Also, I'm not sure about who I'll be pairing Athrun with, whether it's Lacus, Cagalli, or a completely new character. :3**

**HistoryNerd – Thank you so much! I'm so glad everyone seems to be liking this story, and I really wish I didn't get so distracted with life. D: But I think it'll be a lot easier for me to update now that I've hit an exciting part of the story!**

**Haganeochibi – Both are moments that I look forward to greatly. :3**

**Loving-you-is-a-crime – Thank you so much for reading my story and reviewing~ x3**

**I promise I'll try to respond to everyone's reviews from now on~ x3 Also… is it bad I cried while writing this chapter? ;; That's why I apologize if this seems a little rushed!**

* * *

"**Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder."**

**Percy Bysshe Shelley  
**  
**ENTRY SIXTEEN: TURNING POINT  
**

She was a child again, crying into her mother's lap.

Unable to remember why she was crying, she milked the attention of her mother. Maybe the boys had teased her again, or her father was being unfair. She felt her mother's hand stroke her hair, gently playing with the ends of it. Her soothing voice was a soft hum, first a lullaby she didn't recognize, then whispering calm words.

How long had she been there that time? She lost count. There was no part of her that wanted to leave her mother's side.

Mai opened her eyes. She was lying on her side, her head resting on her mother's lap. Blinking the sleep away, she understood and turned her face to look above her.

Miriallia smiled carefully back at her, wiping another tear away from her face. "Good morning."

"Mir…" she thought her voice would be stronger, but it hadn't been louder than a whistle.

Her friend helped her sit up and lean against the wall. Mai noticed she was on her bed and back in her room, and wondered how she got there. Miriallia offered her a glass of water.

The two of them sat together for several hours more, Miriallia first explaining what had happened, with Mai drifting in and out of sleep the remaining time. Mir and Tolle had been allowed to walk around Morgenroete as long as they had an escort, and both of them had wanted to find the two Ensigns and offer help. They had found her collapsed in the shadows of her mobile suits hanger, shaking and writing in pain while the tears streamed down her face. Tolle had brought her back to her room, Miriallia offering to stay with her until she was better.

The doctor had said Mai wasn't sick, but he could never be sure with Coordinators. Mai herself wondered if she had ever been sick, maybe not then, but earlier in her life. She would have liked to doubt the idea simply because she didn't remember it, but how could she trust her memories?

How could she have forgotten Kira, even after meeting him again?

Her eyes were dry, and her body sore from shaking, but she could no longer feel the pain in her head.

She laughed at the irony.

* * *

Time passed slowly as they waited for the announcement that the Archangel was leaving Orb. Kira and Mai both waited in their own mobile suits, thoughts to themselves.

Kira was confused, unsure of how to continue. He was certain Mai was ignoring him, disconnecting her communication link every time he tried to talk to her and avoiding her before they approached the hanger. For a second he had spotted her face, but she had gone out of his reach before he could ask her.

Mai's eyes had been red, dark bags bringing them to attention, and her skin an ugly pale. He tried to force the memory away; it was impossible to focus on the task at hand.

The Orb military was escorting the ship out of the territory. Once they crossed the border, they knew the enemy would attack them. Both pilots needed to be ready, despite personal feelings.

Tolle was another matter entirely, the brown haired boy had insisted to pilot one of the two Skyscrapers even after Kira had argued against him. Virtual fighting was different, so though his score had been high, he was still concerned.

Mai moved her Ecran behind the Strike, preparing to launch as they received the warning the ship would separate from the fleet. She could feel the emotions that twisted in her stomach; the fear told her that Athrun was near, preparing to attack.

How long had Athrun known his friend was aboard the Archangel, let alone the pilot of the Strike? Did he know, or had Kira and he just met on Orb? She quickly took off her helmet, wiping the tears from her eyes. The thought of them fighting filled her with sorrow, but that wasn't all that scared her.

Mai had fallen in love with the same boy twice, her memories hidden from her for so long. The poor girl was no closer to him this time, Kira further from reach than when they were younger.

The alarm scared her, returning her helmet and switching her power on. The Ecran waited as the Skygraspers launched beside them, the Strike preparing the smokescreen to hide the ship.

Kira was the first to jump towards the enemies, the familiar mobile suits out of her view. She could only wait patiently as Kira attacked them, the beat of her heart echoing in her ears.

What would she do when Athrun and Kira began to fight? Would she be able to stop them, without explaining the truth to Kira?

A laser shot passed by her right, barely missing her and the Archangel. She was letting her unfocused thoughts take over her, distracting her from her task. Ignoring Kira's worry, she jumped into the air, above the smoke.

Her Ecran burst to life, her new booster pack already in place. It was a gift from Orb, allowing easier movement while they fought on Earth. Why they did such a thing, no one was sure. Mai could only guess it was a silent thank you from Cagalli's father. **  
**  
While Kira fought the Blitz, Athrun turned his attention to her. His attacks were fierce, her shields straining with each blow. She couldn't stay in the air like he could, and quickly found herself falling towards the sea. Kira had taken Nicol's Guul, a support platform that helped the Zaft members stay in the air, and the Blitz was nowhere to be seen.

Before she could fall, she used to boosters and grabbed onto the Buster, struggling against him for control. Dearka's mobile suit was not suited for close combat and was knocked back, falling to the small island below. Athrun was distracted by Kira, both Guul's destroyed.

Her breath caught when she saw her precious brother land on the same island, Kira rushing towards him with his beam saber. Quickly, she shot between them, but her attention was turned to the Duel. Mai's attempt had been enough to give Athrun time to dodge, but it had cost her the Guul she was using for support. She remained in the air for a split second, her boosters loosing energy and sending her crashing to the ground.

Disoriented from the harsh land, she could barely see the attacks made by the Duel in time to evade them. No matter how many times she blinked, her vision remained blurry. As long as she could hear the Ecran's warnings, she knew she would be able to block him.

**"Retreat already! This battle's over!"**

Kira's sudden voice sent her mind in a panic, frantically searching for the source. Had the land switched her radio on? It didn't matter; she needed to shut it off before it was too much of a distraction. The many keys were becoming visible again, yet she had no time to act before Yzak stuck again.

**"Shut up!"**

"Athrun, stop! I don't want to fight you anymore!"

An explosion went off in front of her. Mai's mind had gone blank long enough for Yzak to slice through her gun, almost too late knocking him back with her shield.

They knew. Both of them knew they were fighting each other. Both of them were fighting to protect. What she knew most of all was neither of them would be hesitant to destroy the other, no matter how much it hurt them.

**"It's too late; Come on and shoot me, just like you said you would!"**

She knocked Yzak back again, hurrying towards the two. Dearka shot at her, blocking her progress and she struggled against both of them. Her eyes were blurry again, but it was tears that obstructed her view. There was no way she would allow herself to lose them, even if her brother killed her in the process. She needed to do something, anything, to get them to stop. Her heart broke more with each word she heard pass between them.

**"Isn't that what you said before? That you would destroy me?"**

No. The images of her school days were at the front of her mind again, bringing the pain with them. Why were things suddenly so different? What had happened to the happy children full of laughter?

She watched the Aegis fall as Kira raised his blade again. A shot from the Buster damaged her arm, but it didn't matter to her. As long as she made it between them, they would stop. Even if they didn't, she would at least buy them a little more time.

A ripple across from her gained her attention, the Blitz appearing from its hiding spot.

Everything happened so fast.

Kira's blade had struck, slicing right through the cockpit of the Blitz, who had jumped between them to attack.

She could only hear the sound of her own scream.

* * *

Her body refused to move from her seat, her skin pale as she shook.

The Strike and the Ecran had returned to the Archangel after managing to retreat. Part of her wish she had stayed on that island, allowing her brother and the others to destroy her for being unable to stop it.

The realization had yet to hit her, but the fear of it froze her tears as well as her body.

Nicol was dead. Shaina's brother was gone; Kira had killed him.

The voices pulled her away from the horrifying thought, her Ecran's cockpit opening to let her free. It took everything in her power to hold on the lift as it lowered her. She noticed Kira was already on the ground floor, surrounded by excited and cheerful mechanics. The air around them almost made her sick, but she was grateful they distracted him. Mai needed to get away, to be alone. If he approached her, she would say something she would regret.

Kira pushed away one of the hands that tried to pull him into a hug, wishing the men would leave him alone. He turned, seeing the blue hair behind one of them and tried to push his way through. Her scream still echoed in his ears; he wanted to talk to her, hoping she would understand like always. He was clueless to what to say, but he wanted to try.

With the men still cheerful behind him, he reached out, stopping her by grabbing her shoulder. Startled, she spun towards him and slapped his hand away. When their eyes met, he could see the horror in her eyes as tears fell down her cheeks.

"Mai…" His voice wasn't strong, afraid of the look she gave him. "I—"

"Stay away! Murderer!"

Frozen in his spot, Kira watched her cover her mouth, realizing what she had said. Mai's helmet hit the floor with a sickening noise as she turned away from him. He was helpless, only able to watch her run from him.

* * *

"Damn it! Damn it, damn it, damn it!"

Athrun turned away as Yzak continued to scream and vent his anger on the lockers. He was the leader, needing to keep a straight face was hard for him. There was nothing more he wanted than to join Yzak, to destroy the entire room. The female scream that echoed in his head added to the frustration, making it impossible for him to focus on the buttons on his uniform.

Yzak kicked the locker again, the door swinging open. All three in the room froze; they knew whose locker it was.

"Yzak…" Dearka tried to calm him down, his face betraying his intentions.

"Why did he have to die like that?" His anger turned to Athrun. "And why out here? Answer me!"

Filled with his own anger, Athrun grabbed Yzak by the collar and pushed him against the lockers. "Why don't you just say it, Yzak!" Athrun had been unable to protect his friend, even after the loss of his sister. It was too much pain, and he knew Yzak was blaming him. Even Athrun blamed himself for the sorrow he felt. "It was my fault! All of it! He only died because he was trying to save me!"

"Athrun!" Dearka watched as they glared at each other, trying to separate them before they started a fight. "Blaming each other isn't going to help us at all! Remember the Strike is our real enemy!"

Athrun released Yzak at those words, understanding what they meant even after both of them ran out of the room.

Tears threatened to fall, the pain he felt too much to bare. He reached inside the locker for his friend's uniform, only to watch papers fall beside him. They were music sheets, each with the words "For Mai" at the top.

Athrun punched the locker, the tears finally falling freely. The memories were too much; his sister's laughter, when she shared her dreams with him, when she would always try to hide her tears behind her smile.

"_I want to sing."_She had said after gathering the courage to say it in front of their parents.

The images switched to Nicol, reminding him of when the two had met. He remembered when Nicol had told him why he joined the army a few days earlier, then the image flashed to his sister telling him they were going to write a song together. Sliding to the floor against the lockers, he picked one of the papers up and saw the dates.

He heard his own childish whimper at the sight of it. Nicol had been writing this song even after his sister's disappearance.

If anyone should have died, he knew it was him. It was because of his weakness against Kira that Nicol was dead, unable to strike down the enemy pilot. Athrun wished it was him that joined his sister in the afterlife instead.

The next time, he would kill Kira himself, with his own hands.

* * *

Mai's cry echoed throughout the room, feathers catching in her hair.

Collapsing to her knees, she watched the little robot cat peek her head out from under the bed. She tried to tell the pet to stay away from her, afraid she would tear it apart like the pillows she had moments before. However when the cat jumped into her arms, she held it tightly in her arms and allowed herself to cry.

It was her fault Nicol was dead, unable to take the blow instead to stop the two. Thinking back on it, Kira had reacted out of fear for his own life. It wasn't completely his fault, yet she had said such a horrible thing to him. Everything was so sudden, too many things happening at once, that she had no idea how to react to anything anymore. Between the memories she couldn't explain and the life that was lost, what was she supposed to do?

She stood, pulling the feathers from her hair and quickly wiping her tears. Running into the hall, she made her way to the hangers, but when Kira finally came into her view the alarm sounded.

What she needed to say would have to wait; her brother was here for revenge.

* * *

The force of the attacks were different than before. Mai was able to sense the anger in their movements. It was hard enough for her to keep the Aegis away from both Kira and the Archangel, but almost impossible when they hand all landed on another nearby island.

The rain was heavy, blocking her view from the attacks both the Duel and the Buster used on her. Even with Mu's aid, she was their target. They would attempt to take her down before joining Athrun against the Strike. Mai had been too distracted, and had lost the use of Ecran's left arm moments after entering the battle. Kira and Athrun were barely in her sight, but she could not abandon the Archangel while it made an emergency landing.

Mai held her gun to the Buster's cockpit after knocking it out of the sky. Ignoring orders to shoot, she waited impatiently. The Buster's cockpit opened. The familiar boy stepped out, arms above his head. Dearka had surrendered, so he was no longer a threat to them. Mai jumped away, hurrying to where the other two were, as the Archangel dealt with the pilot.

She looked up to see an explosion catch her eye, her blood going cold. Seconds before, the Aegis' shield had been thrown towards a Skygrasper.

A warning flashed on her screen. Tolle's signal had been lost.

She knew the feeling that came to her, blocking her fear and her sorrow. The last time it had happened, she remembered watching Kira fall to Earth, and the need to save him. Again, she was unaware of the change in her eyes.

The Duel attacked her again, but Mai managed to spin out of the way, piercing her beam saber in the mobile suits leg and pinning it to the ground. Her Ecran lost all color, all of its weapon's and attachments falling below as she forced it to run.

She watched them fight, tears falling heavily as she called out to them. Even if her brother heard her voice now, she wouldn't care. They were going to kill each other.

No. No! She screamed at them, pleading with them as they fought to stop. Time didn't seem to pass at all, each step she took longer than the last. The Aegis attached itself to the Strike, losing its power.

Her final scream vanished into the light.

"Athrun! Kira!"

_Whenever I look back, I always wish there was more for me to say to them, to encourage them. Even if I knew whatever I did say would have had no effect on them.  
Those children should never have gone through the amount of suffering that they did._

Mu La Flaga


	17. Entry Seventeen

**xYuzuruRengex – First, see what happens when you challenge me? O ^ O Second, I can promise you there is no AXC. :3 As long as all goes well, I look forward to continuing this story through Seed, then Destiny.**

* * *

**"Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water."**

**Antoine Rivarol**

**ENTRY SEVENTEEN: TEARS**

Emptyness.

She could feel the tears that fell down her cheeks, but she couldn't remember why she was crying. Voices called to her, yet she couldn't recognize them or make out the words. Everything about her felt wrong, as if her whole being was numb.

Mai could make out a shape of a person, could feel them trying to pull her away. No matter how hard they tried, she wouldn't move. She refused to let go of her seat.

Someone was clinging to her, crying with her. She could feel the warmth, recognize the voice calling to her, but she couldn't move.

She couldn't even feel any pain.

* * *

"You have to hurry up!" Mu La Flaga yelled at the exhausted mechanics, trying to force them to finish his repairs. "Come on you guys! I'm begging you!"

"Commander!" Mu turned to watch his Captain run up to him. "I cannot allow you to take off! Please give the mechanics the chance to rest!"

He turned back to his Skygrasper, working on the repairs himself. "Have we received any word from ORB yet?"

"No, but…"

"And the ship's out of danger now. So what's the problem?"

"No!" Marrue shook her head, both frustrated and scared. She knew and understood why he wished to go, but the ship needed him. "I will not allow it!"

Mu looked back to her, his voice full with his own concern. "But what if those guys were somehow able to make it out in time?"

She lowered her head, averting her gaze. "Yes, I know… If I could, I would be the first to volunteer! To fly over there and try to save them! Right now, that's impossible! We need both you and Mai –"

"You didn't see her face!" Mu recalled when he had tried to pull the girl out of the Ecran's cockpit. Her eyes reminded him of the dead. "She _needs _him! With all of this death, I need to give her something to hold onto!"

"And if you didn't come back, and we lost you as well -! I don't-!" He watched as the tears fell from her eyes while she spoke. She was the captain, yet she was also human. Mu knew there was a part of her that felt just as responsible for the children as he did. Marrue took a breath, before meeting his eyes again. "Have faith in ORB. Pray for Kira and Tolle, help that girl get through this, and stay here."

He surrendered to the pain on her face, resting an arm on her shoulder to try and comfort her. "Understood."

* * *

Slowly, Mai opened her eyes.

Looking around, she noticed she was sitting up on a bed in someone else's room, Miriallia's head resting on her lap. The sting of her eyes told her she had been crying along with her friend. How much time has passed? She felt pain again, no longer wishing she had died along with them. She wondered why, but the pain threatened to burst from her chest, no longer numb as before. Everything was clear to her.

Kira had killed Nicol. Athrun had killed Tolle. In that rage, the friends killed each other.

Mai was alone.

It hurt, yet she did not want to feel numb again. If she allowed that, she wouldn't be able to survive. She needed to keep living, for Miriallia and the others on the ship. Until they were safe, she would keep the pain close to her.

Sai walked into the room, waking Mir from her slumber. Quickly, he hid something behind him while Mir stared at Mai for the longest time.

"You're back to normal..." the girl whispered, sitting up and noticing Sai at the door. "Have you heard anything about Tolle?"

Mai was confused at first, only realizing as Sai explained that no one knew where Tolle or Kira were, let alone alive.

Mai was the only one who knew they were dead. The tears fell from her eyes again; Sai noticed and looked away from her. "I'll go get you guys some food, so wait here."

Once he was gone, Miriallia rested against her again, eyes staring off into nothing. "They're gone, aren't they." Mai stayed silent, knowing it wasn't a question. She watched her friends eyes fill with tears again. "You saw it. That's why you were like that."

Miriallia began to cry again. All Mai could do was comfort her, waiting for her tears to stop. She whispered her friends name once the girl had seemed calmer. "You're all I have left." Mir turned to look at her, shock in her eyes. "You and everyone else on this ship, I have nothing else." She wanted so much to cry, but her tears seemed to be dry. She would make sure they were safe before she would give into eternity.

"Is it alright… to tell you the truth?"

* * *

He looked past the barrel of the gun, staring at the blonde he had met before.

"ORB?" he questioned, his eyes still adjusting to the light. "What is a neutral nation like ORB want with me?" He pretended to grin, only feeling anger and hatred inside his body. There was another feeling, but he refused to name it. "Or am I in the hands of the Earth Forces now?"

Cagalli's glare intensified, tightening the grip on her gun. "There's something I have to know." Athrun ignore her and pulled the IV from his right arm, his left wrapped and placed into a sling. "Are you the one who destroyed the Strike?"

Athrun felt his eyes widen, the memory slamming against him like a wall. "It was me." He couldn't stop his voice from shaking.

"What happened to the pilot? Did he escape like you did?" He could sense the panic in her voice. "Eject? Or…" She looked away, eyes shining with tears like his eyes had. "We couldn't find Kira anywhere! Say something!"

"He's dead." Athrun scoffed, covering his eyes with his bangs. The girls gasp didn't stop him. "He's dead because I killed him. It's true. I did it." While he spoke, he slowly became horrified by his own words. "I trapped him with my Aegis, than blew it up. I don't see how he could have escaped." The girl cried out, grabbing him by his shirt and pointing the gun to his neck. He could feel her shaking, could sense her tears without looking. "That was the only option I had left. To finish him…"

Athrun looked at her, his tears falling free. Cagalli pushed him back against his pillow at the sight.

"You bastard!" For a minute, he thought she was going to kill him, but she fiercely let go of him and slammed her fist against the wall. "Damn it!"

He sat up slowly, looking at his arm. "But why… why am I still alive?" Athrun had been ready to die, to take Kira and him both to see his sister. When they were friends, Mai had been very fond of him. Still, he had ejected from his mobile suit before the explosion took his life. He had failed her and was too afraid to die yet. "I guess because I got out just in time…"

Furious, Cagalli pointed the gun at him again. "Or maybe… you're destined to finish me." He watched as she cried, not looking away from him at any moment.

"Kira… took too many risks! He didn't always know what he was doing, and he always cried! But he was kind! He was a nice guy!"

Athrun sighed. That sounded just like him. "Yeah, I know. Sounds like Kira hadn't changed a bit." He leaned his head against the wall as the memories came back to him. "He was always like that."

Finally, she lowered her gun. The girl seemed shocked. "Did you… really know Kira?"

"He was a sentimental crybaby. And he was smart, but he never thought things through." He smiled only a little, the pain removing the happiness from the images. "For the longest time, my sister was infatuated with him, but he had always been too dense to realize it."

"Did you really know Kira?"

"Yes… we were close." He watched the look on her face change into something else. "We've been friends… ever since the days where we were kids. We were the best of friends."

Cagalli was overtaken by sorrow. Of all the people to take Kira's life, it had to be his closet friend. "But then… that's crazy!" She gripped his shirt again. "If you were such a good friend, than why the hell would you kill him?"

He didn't even turn to look at her. "I don't know… I have idea why either okay?"

Athrun began to sob, the pain finally becoming too much. "We separated as friends, and the next time I saw him we were enemies! I asked him to come with us, over and over! Because he was a Coordinator, can't you see? He was one of us! He belonged with us! It wasn't right for him to be on the side of the Earth Forces, helping that other pilot!"

Cagalli remembered the two of them together. Though Kira and Mai seemed to sometimes have an awkward air around them, any other time the two of them created an air around them. They didn't see it, but they fit perfectly with each other. Cagalli whimpered at the thought; she couldn't even imagine how broken Mai would be. "So you…"

They stared at each other, both of them crying. "But whenever we tried to talk, he wouldn't listen! He fought against us; he even killed some of my friends! Then he killed Nicol!"

"So that's why you killed Kira? Your friend?"

"He was an enemy! He wasn't on my side anymore! I had no other choice but to kill him!"

The grip she held on his shirt tightened with her fury. "You idiot! How could you ever come up with something so stupid? How could you ever do something so terrible?"

"He killed Nicol right in front of my eyes!" The memory had him shaking, the idea of his friends death not completely registered into his mind. "He was fifteen! He loved the piano! He only fought to protect the plants and Kira killed him!"

"The reason Kira fought was to protect other people too!" She imagined Mai, and the way Kira acted whenever the blue haired girl had been around. "He had someone he wanted to protect, no matter what! But that doesn't explain why he had to be killed! And by the hands of his best friend, of all people!"

Athrun's eyes widened again, realization striking him with her words. He looked away from her, crying again. Mai's words rang in Cagalli's mind. "Someone once told me, if someone is killed for killing someone, and then some other guy is killed for killing him! How will that kind of twisted thinking ever going to bring us peace! Well!"

Together, they continued to cry.

* * *

Mai waited in the silence, her friend taking in her words.

"Miriallia?" she was scared, afraid her friend would hate her, blame her.

Mir shook her head. "You lied to us, to Kira." Mai swallowed hard, knowing what was next. "But that doesn't matter; you didn't exactly have much of a choice. I think you should tell the Captain, she'll understand." Miriallia's voice was still soft, not getting much energy back since. "You've done so much for us, she'll have to understand." Mir's eyes shone with tears that Mai could not cry. "You've lost more than me… I'm sorry for… You've been fighting against him all of this time…"

Mai brushed the hair from Miriallia's face. She tried to smile, but was unable to. "Don't be sorry; it's my fault this happened… Because I was unable to strike him down… You've lost too."

When Sai had returned, Mai had told him to take Mir to the cafeteria, but the broken girl would not separate. It had taken Mai far too long to get the girl to go with him, promising multiple times she wouldn't go too far away. Even though Miriallia continued to be unhappy with the idea, she allowed Sai to lead her away.

Mai waited several minutes alone in the dark, attempting to gather her courage. She had always been so afraid to face the truth, but her friend had continued to accept her. If it was at all possible for her to feel happiness, she would have at that moment.

She slowly made her way to the Captain's office, where both she and Mu La Flaga were discussing their next plan.

"I need to say something," Mai had managed to choke out once the doors had closed behind her.

Mu La Flaga sighed once the girl had finished with her story. As he watched her, he wished so much that the girl would cry, to release her pain. Her eyes had gained back their color, but not their life. Mu wondered if the blue haired girl would ever be able to return to how she was. "Silly girl, why are you only telling us now?"

"He's right." Marrue nodded. "Only some of your story has changed, but if you had come to us with this originally, we would not have agreed to the terms we did." The woman tried to smile. "You've done so much for us now, I have no doubts. Please continue to protect us, if you will."

Mai nodded, her tears finally returning. She whimpered and thanked them, apologizing more times then she had meant to. Both of them were surprised by her sudden outburst, approaching her to comfort her as well as they could. They were unsure about what to do once they were in Alaska.

"We will not mention this to Natarle." The captain spoke softly. "I cannot be certain that she wouldn't tell our higher-ups the truth. To ensure your safety, we will keep this to ourselves."

Mu attempted to pat her back, the movement awkward; he knew there was nothing he could say to make it easier for her. With her tears not faltering for a split second, she swore to them that she would protect the Archangel no matter what the cost.

* * *

Less than an hour later, she found herself walking down a hall she had barely been to in the past, following the instructions given to her by a crew member. There she would find the imprisoned pilot of the Buster locked away in one of the rooms.

Every step grew louder the closer she got to him, too many thoughts clouding her mind. Visiting Dearka would not calm her heart or ease her pain, but it was a distraction that she needed. She eyed the tray of food in her hands when she stopped in front of the door, understanding why no one would take it to him. Mai was the only one of the ship not afraid of the Coordinator; he knew he had lost, so there wasn't any way that he would attempt an escape.

The familiar cry called her attention to her shoulder, the black robot cat tilting its head as it watched her. Neither it nor Kira's Birdy would leave her alone, but she had managed to keep the bird in her room until she returned for it. Her feelings were divided when it came to the bird; it was not only a reminder of what she had lost, but a symbol of what had been.

With a final deep breath, she entered the code to the door and stepped inside. Dearka stirred only slightly from his bed in the corner.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to sleep without somebody pestering me every two minutes." The blonde grumbled. Normally, she would be amused by the similarity between the cousins, only hearing stories about the boy from her friend. This was only the second time she was meeting him.

"Hello, Dearka." Her voice was soft, yet it betrayed her pain. The boy jumped up at the sound of his name, eyes widening at the sight of her. Moments of silence passed between them as he stared, unsure of what he was seeing and mumbling to himself.

"But… but you're…"

Mai attempted to smile as he motioned for the tray. "I figured you would be hungry."

* * *

The beautiful sounds of birds were distracting to him, but the pleasant warmth was enough ensure him he was dead.

At first, he was confused. Why was he dead? The images of fighting Athrun appeared in his mind, his head throbbing with pain. When he tried to move, the pain increased.

He was still alive.

"Mr. Pink! Not in there!"

The voice pulled him further from his sleep, slowly opening his eyes. He could see the shape that the voice belonged to staring at him, brightening into a smile as she looked at him. He hoped with all of his heart that it was _her_, but the pink hair quickly destroyed the thought. There was so many questions he knew he needed to ask, multiple things he needed to make clear. The only thing that came to his mind however, was the pleading screams that echoed in his head that he couldn't place. He felt tears fall from eyes, the girl's smile disappearing.

Mai.

_An empty heart is a feeling I could not explain to you. It reminded me of what I had heard about the Lovebird, a creature that mated for life. If one of the pair died, the other would begin to loose its own will to live.  
It felt like the loneliness was slowly eating away at whatever part of my heart remained._

**Mai Zala**


	18. Entry Eighteen

**xYuzuruRengex – I know, I cried as well. Even watching this episode before writing the previous chapter had me crying! Sorry if I didn't make it clear next chapter, but I hope this chapter helps! I can PROMISE there will never be AXC. xD I have other plans for Athrun. c:**

**haganeochibi – I know it's not much, but I'm really hoping these three chapters will make up for it a little. It's sad; the reason I started writing again was because I was watching Inuyasha, and Bankotsu shared Kira's voiced. Fangirling led me back here. xD I'm hoping watching more of the Band of Seven arc will help me write more! Also, it helps that I'm past the boring slump.**  
**I'm glad that my snap shots didn't bother you; I felt they were appropriate…. I don't think I would hate being stalked by Haro's at first. xD ;;**

**All of you Flay haters out there, prepare to hate her more. ;D**

* * *

**"I am done with great things and big plans, great institutions and big success. I am for those tiny, invisible loving human forces that work from individual to individual, creeping through the crannies of the world like so many rootlets, or like the capillary oozing of water, which, if given time, will rend the hardest monuments of pride."**

**William James**

**ENTRY EIGHTEEN: DARKNESS  
**

Mu La Flaga rubbed at his temples, glancing to the girl sitting a few minutes away from him. Both of them wore their battle uniform, prepared for the Archangel to enter the Alaska base. He could see the bags under her red eyes, the words from before still fresh in his mind.

"_My father is Patrick Zala, the chief commander of the Zaft Forces."_ Her eyes had been full of fear as she sat before them, staring down at her hands. "_I was aboard the enemy ship before here, using one of their escape pods. Why I left in the first place… I can't remember. Or maybe it just isn't important anymore; all that mattered was protecting this ship."_ They had waited patiently for her to continue, knowing she was struggling. _"It's all because of me that this happened! Because… my brother was the one who piloted the Aegis."_

He sighed. Seeing the girl's eyes like that was better than the emptiness he had seen before, but still scared him. There was nothing he could say to her to make it better. Even though Marrue and he told no one of her words, she had confirmed the death of her friends. They both knew Kira and Tolle were dead, but neither one wanted to break the rest of the crew.

"Why won't they let us into the Alaska base?"

Mu looked over to her, meeting her blank gaze. "I don't know; I'm guessing they want to do a background check or something…"

"Oh. That makes sense." The girl turned away, mumbling as she left. Mu knew that he could call the girl if they needed him

* * *

"It's okay, I won't leave you." Mai whispered, patting the head of the girl crying into her arms.

Five days had passed since the battle, and she only went back and forth between Miriallia and Dearka, only visiting the prisoner when the broken girl was asleep. Mai would be back before her friend awoke and there were only a few who knew she brought the food to him.

Miriallia found a sort of comfort in Mai when she let her cry, even if her own tears were dry. She patted her friends head as she drifted off while Sai entered the room.

"Will you watch her?" She asked him once Miriallia was asleep. The two of them would always go together to the cafeteria and try to get the girl to eat. Nothing they said to her would work; she was always too focused on what the other crew members were sharing. Such words hurt both of them, but Miriallia seemed more fragile than her. She wondered briefly if being a Coordinator had anything to do it, but decided that didn't matter. Mai saw no difference in the pain on Miriallia's face than on her own.

They were human, and that's all that mattered to her.

* * *

Dearka looked at the girl, confused by her. She had visited him often, more so since he was moved into the medical room, but never said anything to him after the first time. Gently, Athrun's sister had explained her situation, face blank of all emotion.

"I tried to stop you from killing each other." She had turned her eyes away from him, petting the robot cat on her lap. "But there was nothing I could do to stop Kira, the boy who piloted the Strike… " Gripping her stomach, he saw her body shaking. "I couldn't stop Kira from killing Nicol. I couldn't stop Athrun from killing Tolle."

Dearka always hated when he saw a girl crying and always seemed to make the situation worse. That time however, when she burst into tears, he felt the only right thing he could do was hold her and let the girl cry into his shoulder.

"Now because of me, I've lost them too!"

When he looked back at the moment, he still didn't understand everything. Had the pilot they worked so hard to destroy meant that much to her?

After that, every time she would visit him she wouldn't say anything, mostly just there to bring him food and water. The portions she brought him were much too large for a prisoner, yet she would never join him. Once he had tried to lighten the mood by telling jokes, hoping to get her feeling well enough to eat, but the girl only nodded and didn't reply to him.

Finished with his food, the girl began to tie him again and gather the trays, promising to visit him again. She had told him it was forbidden to release him, but because she trusted he wouldn't try anything she would free him long in her presence.

"Could you bring me some water?" He asked her, hoping for an excuse to get her to talk to him. "And maybe the doctor? My arm is starting to hurt again."

Dearka watched her turn, giving one of her fake smiles. "Alright. I'll be right back."

The door closed behind her, lifting the air in the room. He wished there was more he could do, more things he could say, but this girl was different when they first met; a cheerful pop star who was just glad to see her brother.

Closing his eyes, he replayed his defeat in his mind. To think that Mai could fight like she did, easily equal to her brother without any actual training. The thought made him uncomfortable.

The door opened again, someone stepping inside and the lights clicking on. The curtains made it difficult to tell who it was, but the familiar pink uniform came into view.

Grinning, he decided that he was going to make her smile for real. "That was quick." The figure turned to him, panicking and hurrying to the other bed. He noticed the brown hair and the frightened blue eyes. "Why are you staring at me? You afraid of me?" It was a stupid question, one he knew the answer to, but the girl had started crying. "Would you relax? I couldn't be any more tied up." He rolled on his side, showing her his bonded hands. Looking at her again, the tears had gotten worse; her body shaking with what he thought was fear. "What I want to know is why a cute little girl like you is crying? I'm surprised such a ship like this has a crybaby on board." Dearka closed his eyes again, waiting for Mai to return. Hopefully she would be able to do something about her tears. He was never good with that, so he would be fine as long as he could distract her until then. "You've got no business being a soldier if you're that afraid. Or maybe your good for nothing Natural boyfriend got himself killed –"

Dearka opened his eyes when he felt something on his face, wondering where the water could be coming from.

His heart dropped when he saw the flash of the knife aiming for his face.

* * *

"Miriallia, don't!" The cup fell from her hands as she lunged for her friend, grabbing her wrists before she could strike again. Miriallia's eyes were full of rage, and it took everything in Mai's power to get her attention away from the boy behind her. "Miriallia, look at me!"

The girl was too focused on Dearka, who Mai could see was injured, blood running down his face. She heard the door open, Sai's figure appearing in the room. Quickly, he restrained Miriallia from behind.

"Calm down Mir!"

"Let go of me!" She screamed, struggling in his arms. Mai watched the knife in her hand while she helped Dearka sit up and untying his bonds, prepared to block her if she broke free. "Tolle's gone! He's never coming back! And yet this _creep_! What is this scumbag doing here?"

"Hurting him isn't going to bring Tolle back!" Miriallia's eyes finally met hers. "If there's anyone you should kill, it's me! My brother was the one who killed him!" Her friend's eyes widened further, the knife falling from her hands. Mai felt tears threatening to fall from her eyes. "Everything is because of me!"

"Tolle is gone…" Miriallia whimpered, shaking her head. "Why is he dead…? Why did he have to die?"

"I don't know." Mai's voice was weak, wishing she had the answer to the same question. "I don't know."

The click of a gun gained their attention.

Standing in the doorframe was the last person Mai had wanted to see, pointing a gun towards Dearka. Flay was also crying, the weapon shaking in her hands.

"All of you Coordinators deserve to be killed!" Flay screamed at them.

Mai stood, moving between the girl with pink hair and the one she was aiming for. Her calm gaze was returned with glares, Sai telling her to get out of the way. She would not let the hateful girl harm anyone, even if it meant death by the hands of the one who had stolen part of her happiness; the girl who had taken her place at Kira's side.

"Do you intend to kill me too?"

Mai watched her eyes widen, her fingers tightening on the trigger. The sound echoed off the walls, drowning out Miriallia's scream. She had broken free from Sai, jumping at Flay to knock the gun from her hands, both girls collapsing to the floor. Miriallia continued to weep.

"Why did you do that?" Flay snapped at Miriallia, sitting up and pushing the girl off of her. "Why did you stop me? You were going to kill him yourself!" Mir remained quiet, leaning away from her and against the other bed frame. "You hate them too, don't you?"

Miriallia shook her head. The sight infuriated Flay more bringing her to her feet. "Don't you hate the Coordinators who killed Tolle? Don't you hate her for not being able to save him? Don't look at me like that! You're exactly the same!"

"I'm not!" Miriallia cried, still shaking her head. "I'm nothing like you!"

Mai tried to take a step forward, wanting to comfort her friend. Even if Miriallia hated Mai for what her brother had done, she still jumped in the way to save her. She tried again, but her body refused to listen. The taste of iron was strong in her mouth, and her right side suddenly felt warm.

When her legs went numb, she lost the ability to stand and fell into Dearka's arms.

* * *

The doctor sighed, showing the report to his captain.

The prisoner was no longer in his medical room, moved finally to the lower deck, and his spot was replaced by the Coordinator girl. The girl was sleeping, the drip of her IV the only sound in the room. She had lost a large amount of blood, but no one on the ship shared her blood type. Normally, like he had learnt the last time, this girl's body would begin to heal immediately and at an unnatural pace.

"I'm afraid this time, even though several hours have passed, she hasn't begun to heal at all. I managed to take the bullet out, but the hemostasis stage had only just started, but her cells are not acting quickly enough."

"I don't understand." Mu La Flaga turned to him from his chair beside the wounded girl. "From what you told us last time…"

The doctor nodded. "The last time she was wounded her skin had healed over in less than a day, making it easier for the inside to heal as well. I've been taking notes on everything that has changed since then, but I could only think of the loss of Ensign Yamato. It's like she's lost the will to live, and it's affecting the healing process."

Marrue and Natarle left the room, leaving La Flaga behind. He had wanted to watch over her for a little and would join them later. They hoped the girl would awake before the day ended, needing her with them for a meeting the following day. They would let the girl heal, but Marrue knew her superiors would force the girl even if she couldn't stand.

"It was a mistake leaving him in the sick bay for so long." Natarle spoke, breaking the silence as they walked down the hall. "And then there's the fact that he was left briefly unattended."

"Yes…" Marrue sighed. She had been uncomfortable leaving him without a watch, but Mai had promised he wouldn't cause any trouble for anyone and she volunteered to bring him his food. Natarle did not know what she and Mu did, so she couldn't tell her that the two Coordinators were somehow connected.

"Firearms management is lax; we have no choice but to report this incident as well."

"You're right. Add it to your report."

"Captain." Natarle's footsteps stopped. Marrue turned to her. "Please try to understand. I'm not criticizing you under any sort of personal dislike. I'm merely trying to point out the vital importance of maintaining some semblance of order, and that doesn't change simply because of field promotions and emergency situations."

Marrue smiled. She knew she was right, but the words still stung. "I understand. The principal of it anyway."

"The military must be regulated. It requires both soldiers who follow the orders of their superiors, and commanders who can see the larger picture and make the appropriate decision. Otherwise, the cannot be victorious _or_hope to survive in battle. "

"Some of us know that, but still can't do it." Marrue's thoughts went to the girl in the sick bay. She wished she could let the girl be free, but she knew the ship needed her. Now that they were in Alaska, her superiors wouldn't let her go. "Lieutenant, I'm fully aware of the fact that I'm not suited for this position."

"Captain, I only meant -!"

Marrue raised her hand to silence Natarle. "It's alright. I already know the truth Natarle. A lot has come between us, but I am truly grateful for all of your help." She turned to continue down the hall. "There's no doubt in my mind that you would make a fine captain someday."

* * *

Kira closed his eyes, feeling the ocean wind on his face. Even though the place was so peaceful, his mind made it hard to rest. His memories of Tolle flashed in his mind, from the times where he would make them laugh, or the times where he would defend Kira. It didn't matter to Tolle who or what he was, all that he cared about was that they were friends. When Mai came aboard the ship, Tolle didn't take long to accept her just as well. He could feel his tears resurface when remembering Tolle's final moments.

"What are you looking at?"

The sudden voice surprised him, turning to see Lacus behind him. He looked back at the ocean and sighed. The air about the girl reminded him too much of Mai, always hoping she was the one standing there, worried about him. He was grateful to Lacus, but there was still a part of him that longed to be somewhere else.

"Oh Kira… You look like you've had such sad dreams."

Several minutes of silence passed between them before Kira finally gained his voice. "I am sad." So many fights came across his mind, so many lives that he had taken. The pain that he had seen in Mai's eyes when she had shouted at him, then the regret on her face; it tormented him. "Many people have died. And I've killed many people. "

The tears fell from his eyes, landing on his arms that were resting on the railing. He felt Lacus rest a hand on the side of his head, trying to comfort him. "You had to fight as hard as could. You protected many things." Kira looked at her, surprised by her words. "I'm certain of that. But now…"

For a moment, her face turned serious. Kira wondered what had changed, but her mood changed before he could question her. "I know! Let's have something to eat, shall we?" She grabbed one of his arms with hers, and began to lead her away. The little robot she called Haro was shouting 'No problem!' on the table nearby. "Come on, you must be starving! I'll go reheat the food!"

"But…"

"Besides, you still need to be getting your rest!"

"I won't accept that!" The little robot chimed in, bouncing after them. "I won't accept that!"

"Everything will be alright. This is still a place of peace."

* * *

The group stood, saluting the men in front of them. Mu eyed the girl beside him, worried that she was going to collapse any moment.

Right as they were leaving the Archangel, Mai had come running up to them, saying she was ready to go. He had tried to get her to go back to the sick bay, but Natarle had cut in. If she could stand and walk, then she was coming with them. The girl moved without showing any sign of injury, but her skin was still pale. It was hard to tell if her wound had even stopped bleeding.

Three men walked to the large desk, saluting them in return. The middle man spoke first. "I am Captain William Sutherland of the general staff. I have been put in charge of all instructions and deliberations pertaining to the Eighth Fleet's Archangel. Please be seated."

The group took their seats as the man continued. "We've already the log data from the navigation computer and are analyzing it now." Mai felt uncomfortable in that room, feeling the strangers eyes on her, even as she sat behind her captain. The group was surrounded on all sides by soldiers typing everything he said. "I must say Captain Ramius, your combat record is impressive." He motioned to the large screen on the wall behind them. "Now I think we'd like to have you all give us a detailed report and testimony regarding the proceeding events. This hearing is being run according to regulations by a court martial, and in keeping procedure anything said here will be entered into the official record. I trust you will all tell the truth."

Mai bit her bottom lip, understanding what that met. Her eyes briefly met Mu's, who slightly shook his head. She was grateful to them, knowing they were trying to protect her.

"We will begin with file one. The situation regarding the surprise attack on Heliopolis."

Mai waited patiently as they talked, having nothing to do with the conversation. It involved the time before she had arrived on the ship, yet she listened intently. She was glad to know everything Kira and the others had been though. Mai never completely knew the circumstances of how Kira had become the pilot of the Strike. It was infuriating how that man talked about Kira, using his tone to accuse Marrue of everything that had happened. She could feel her fingers grip her skirt tightly as the man continued. Beside her, she could sense that Mu was just as angry.

"So all of this was my fault, _sir_." There was bitterness in Marrue's voice, and Mai wanted so much to be able to yell at this man.

"Commander Ramius, the enemies in this war _are_ Coordinators. And you let two of them into our ranks!" His words hit Mai hard. Even if it was true, knowing Kira never cared which side he was on as long as he could protect his friends. "Because of the _miraculous_ abilities they possess. They may be children, and civilians, but nevertheless they are still Coordinators! The facts were right in front of you and yet you failed to recognize them! It's _their_existence that has thrown this world into chaos!"

"And why is that our fault!" Mai had enough. She raised her voice, full of anger. Mu pulled her down before she could stand. "All Kira ever wanted to do was protect! It didn't matter to him who was what!"

"Be quiet!" He snapped, glaring at her. Mai flinched under his gaze. "We will get to you later! The Archangel was involved in the destruction of the Eurasion military base Artemis, was party to the annihilation of the Advance Fleet, and later led the Eighth Fleet to its demise. Not to mention you let _both_Coordinators pilot our mobile weapons!"

Mu stood in Mai's place. "It wasn't like that! We were only -!"

The man cut him off. "Only what? Go on."

In front of her, Marrue stood and joined them, her own anger too much to contain. "We were following Admiral Halberton's orders!"

"And when did he start setting policy for the Earth Alliance? I must have missed that. Commander, relax. I'm not saying that you are to blame for everything that's happened_._" Shaking with rage, Mai felt Mu gently tug on her arm as he regained his seat. "As a matter of fact, I believe you did quite well considering the circumstances. "But, despite those sacrifices when the Archangel finally arrived in port.. it was without the all-important Strike! How can those who gave their lives for you now rest in peace? We have no choice but to make everything as clear as possible in order to determine the end results of these events and who is responsible!"

"Yet you don't listen!" Mai stood, eyes meeting the man before them. Mu tried to pull her down, but she ignored him. "Kira was a person! I am a person! We're both human! And here you are, saying it would have been better for us to die? What do you know about battle, when all you do is sit behind a desk and judge others!"

Sutherland snapped at her again, demanding for her to sit in her seat. Mai had enough with his words, determined to have her say. "You will learn your place!"

"I know my place!" She watched the men that surrounded them turn and whisper to each other, but she no longer cared. "Though I agreed to join the Earth Alliance, I don't follow your orders! Even if you drag me to another ship, you can't force me to fight. If it's not for Captian Ramius and the Archangel, I will not help you. There's nothing you can take from me, nothing you can use against me."

The room fell silent with her words. She could see the disapproval in the man's eyes, but he knew she was right. "The Ecran is still ours."

Mai shook her head. "No. It's not. The Ecran belongs to me now." She continued before he could interrupt her. "I have reprogrammed it; Of course you can take it from me, but it will not work for you. I believe it would take years for even your best programmers to decipher it.

"I am human, and I know my place."

* * *

Kira stared into his tea as he sat inside the Clyne manor. Lacus was sitting at a different table with Reverend Malchio, the man who had brought him to the PLANTS in the first place. He listened to the TV but didn't focus on the words, bored by simple news.

"I must object!" The little pink Haro jumped beside him, gaining his attention for a second. Realizing what the others were talking about and tried to listen in. Lacus was asking if it was possible to fly back to Earth with him, and Reverend Malchio promised to look into the idea.

"**Next up is a musical tribute to our recent fallen star; here's concert footage featuring her popular single, 'Let It Be'!**" Kira turned to watch the TV. He reached for the remote, deciding to change the channel. Music had been Miriallia's thing, making her friends listen to the newest releases when they had been in school.

The music started softly, but quickly became upbeat. They showed footage of the screaming crowd, fans waving towards the cameras. Slowly, he could see footage of the guitarist and the man on drums. Interested, he left the remote alone. Maybe the music would help him think.

Kira's eyes widened as the center of the stage became visible, the singer's body and face bright under the light. The girls hair was down, decorated curls bouncing as she swayed to the beat, waving to her fans as their screams gained volume. Her lips began to move, her voice echoing from the microphone in her hands. Without looking away, he stood, unsure of how to react. Lacus turned to him and asked him what was wrong.

"**Let it be!**"

Kira would never forget that voice; never confuse those eyes that shone as she sung. It was the words in the corner that confused him, scared him. It couldn't be possible, since he had been told the girl was dead.

Mai Zala smiled at the camera before starting her song again.

_It felt like my heart has stopped in that moment. Years ago, my last contact with Athrun had been the news his twin sister was dead, asking to never contact him again. But there she was, singing and dancing for her fans, but as the girl I had cared so much for. The two of them were completely different, and yet exactly the same.  
How did I never notice that I had fallen for the girl twice?_

**Kira Yamato**

* * *

So the song used as an example is called "Let it be", by Tanaka Rie. I seem to be the only person on youtube who has uploaded this song, so here's the link.

www. youtube . com/watch?v=Mj-CX2BFNiw&feature=player_embedded#!

Just make sure to remove the spaces to listen! Please review!


	19. Entry Nineteen

**xYuzuruRengex – Happy really belated Birthday! I know it isn't much longer, but I hope this chapter will satisfy you for a little! Athrun's reunion is right around the corner! :3 Sorry I haven't been able to update. ;; Working in retail around Christmas is tiring, but it should slow down now!**

**mebo1 – I hope you keep reading to find out~!**

**Don't forget I write the more you review! :3**

* * *

**"All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word:**  
**freedom, justice, hope."**

**Winston Churchill **

**ENTRY NINETEEN: FREEDOM**

"But why do you have to go?"

He placed a hand on Mai's head, trying to comfort her.

At the end of the conference with William Sutherland, the group had been given the names of those who would transfer; Mu La Flaga, Natarle Badgiruel, and Flay Allster. Mai was happy to see Flay leave, and she was indifferent with Natarle, but to see the Skygrasper pilot leave devastated her. He had grown to be more than a brother figure, like the Father she wanted but never had.

Marrue stood beside them, watching with Sai and Miriallia. The two friends refused to leave Mai's side, afraid that she would collapse at any minute. Whenever she tried to leave the sick bay, they would force her back into bed, bringing her food and water they hoped she would take. She had demanded to see Mu off, and so they agreed to walk her there. It seemed to her that the wound distracted Miriallia from her own pain, but the girl still only cried in her presence.

The rest of the crew stood down the hall, ready to salute them as they passed.

Mai bit back tears, feeling like she was losing the man in front of her forever. Mu noticed her tears, smiling to try and cheer her up.

"Hey now! Don't cry! It's not like we won't see each other again, right?"

"What if we don't?" She questioned, her voice shaking. Mai stared at the ground, knowing she'd cry if she met his eyes. "What if we never meet again?"

Sighing, Mu moved his hand to her shoulder, carefully picking his words. The girl was close to breaking again, he could see it in her tired eyes. There was little she was holding on to.

"You have to be strong, okay? I promise we'll meet again." He did his best to smile when she finally looked up at him. "I make the impossible possible, so don't forget that!"

Briefly, his smile was returned. It wasn't anything like her previous ones, but it held enough life that it gave him a little hope. Mu would be able to walk away from her knowing that she would have something to cling to until he returned.

"Let go of me! I said let go!" The familiar voice drained the smile from Mai's face as Mu watched her stand beside her friends. She hid her face behind her hair.

"I'm not going!" Natarle entered the hallway, an annoyed look on her face as she dragged Flay towards them. The pink haired girl fought against her, but Natarle's grip was strong. When they were closer, Flay turned her anger from Mai to the captain. "Why is it only me?"

"That's enough!" Natarle snapped. "These orders are from headquarters, so there's nothing you can do."

Flay pulled her hand away from her before the captain began to speak. "What she says is true." It upset Marrue that the girl had been put in such a position, yet it eased her to watch Flay go. The atmosphere for Mai would be better, and Marrue hoped it would help her heal. "Because they're direct orders from headquarters, there's nothing I can do about them. I'm sorry. If you'd like, you can attempt to file an appeal to the central office to transfer. "

"It won't do any good." Natarle ignored Flay's horrified look and turned to say her farewells.

* * *

Kira stared out into the rain, his tea cup frozen at his lips. He hadn't noticed it was raining and it distracted him, reminding him of a moment in his past.

_"Come on! The rain is nice!"_The bell like voice echoed in his head. Kira could picture her smile as she called her friends to join her. Athrun and he had been passing by, but his friend had quickly proceeded to lecture her and try to get her out of the rain. He remembered being fascinated as he watched her dance with her friends, her shorter blue hair bouncing around her face. At one point, she had smiled at waved at him.

Kira placed his cup back on the saucer, staring into the liquid. Ever since the previous day every little thing had reminded him of something; even in his dreams did he see her in some form.

He wasn't sure why everything happened like it did and it made him wonder. Why was Mai alive when he had been told otherwise? Why was the same girl out of his reach a second time?

"Kira, do you like the rain?"

He turned to Lacus, who was playing with her pink Haro on the ground close to him. They were sitting outside in a glass canopy as they waited for Lacus' father to join them like he did every day since he awakened. Kira found himself falling into a pattern surrounded by such a peaceful lifestyle.

Kira had asked her about Mai, curious and terrified after seeing her on the television. He learned that Mai became a singer first before being the inspiration for Lacus to join in the idea. Mai and her were close friends even before Athrun was arranged to marry Lacus, and Lacus believed she was still alive somewhere. When Kira decided to tell her why he had panicked, what was hurting him, she seemed shocked at first. It didn't take her long to return to her happy self, telling the machine that followed her how happy everyone would be once they learn Mai was alive.

"I'm glad the two of you are so close now." She had said, smiling as usual. "She had been so upset when they were summoned home."

Kira turned back to the window. "I was thinking about how strange all of this is. I was thinking… what am I doing here?"

"If you had your choice, where would you want to be?"

"I really don't know." Kira answered Lacus, unsure of what he wanted.

If he returned to her, would she forgive him? Lacus had told him Athrun was all Mai had, their father not being a complete part of their lives. Would she forgive him for taking such an important person away from her?

If he did return, would he fight against Zaft again? Fight by her side to protect the Archangel? He was helpless now, his Strike destroyed. What chance did he have?

"Do you dislike it here, Kira?"

Kira turned at her question, seeing the confused look on her face. "Well… is it okay for me to be here?"

"As far as I'm concerned? Of course it's okay!"

"The time will come when you will realize where you should be going." He faced the man in front of him; Reverend Malchio. "That is when you will know what exactly you should be doing."

Kira wanted to remain there, where it was safe. Where it was peaceful. Mai and the others were supposed to be in Alaska, and the thought eased Kira only slightly. She would be safe as well, but how long would it last? He didn't want to return to only be a tool.

"For that is what it means to be the bearers of the Seed."

Kira finally raised his cup to take a drink, turning his attention back to the machine in Lacus' arms. He had learned it was a gift from Athrun, who had made his Birdy as well as Mai's Mewmo. It explained why Birdy had quickly grown so fond of her.

Kira turned when the glass door slide open and Siegel Clyne walked inside from the main house. He was an older man, reminding Kira of his own father. His forehead was creased with worry lines, his quick smile not truly reaching his tired eyes.

The man turned his attention towards the blind Reverend. "It's just not possible. Not even if you wanted to use your shuttle, flights to Earth simply are not being allowed to take off."

The beeping sound of the communication link gained their attention, an incoming call showing on the glass to the side. A soldier's voice was heard. **"A call for Mr. Clyne from Eileen Canaver."**

Lacus' father walked towards the image as Kira thought about what he had said. He was unable to return to Earth, the choice made for him. It left a heavy weight in his stomach. "Clyne here."

A woman appeared on the communication link, wearing the same uniform as Siegel Clyne. Lacus quickly explained that they were members of the council. **"I've got bad news, Clyne. It appears that Zala has deceived us."**

The name perked Kira's interest, knowing they were talking about Mai and Athrun's father. When they were younger Mai never talked highly of her father like she did her mother, but he had been Athrun's role model for as long as he could remember. Had that changed with the destruction of Junius 7?

"How so?"

**"Panama isn't Operation Spit Breaks target! It's Alaska!"**

Kira felt his body freeze, the cup falling from his numb hands and shattering the saucer on the table. Lacus was at his side in seconds, asking him what was could see the blood roll off of his finger, but he couldn't feel the cut. There was nothing he could feel except the growing pain in his chest.

All of the Zaft forces were heading to attack Alaska, the Earth Alliance Headquarters, instead of Panama where all of their defensives were. Alaska stood unprotected; the only thing to stand in the way was the Archangel.

The Captain. Mu La Flaga. His friends. The crew and the mechanics.

Mai.

Mai.

He had to return. Kira needed to be with her. Her smile, her voice, her laughter; everything. Though he had no way to protect her, he just wanted to be by her side, even if she remained out of his reach.

"I have to go back."

* * *

"I told you not to fall asleep here…" Sai mumbled, rubbing his temples after placing a blanket on the shoulders of the sleeping girl. Miriallia had not left Mai's side after the girl almost collapsed again, asking to go back to the infirmary.

The doctor told them she had lost more blood, saying he had warned her not to move only to be ignored. Sai apologized, trying to put the blame on himself for agreeing to take her to see the others off.

He looked down at her, but quickly away. She was too still, the only sign of life he could see was the rising and falling of her chest. Before he had left, the doctor had attached an oxygen mask to her face.

Mai had been able to see the worry on Sai's face and tried to smile as she fell asleep.

He sighed, sitting against the opposite bedframe and watching the robot animals by her head. It was strange to him that they never left her side.

The captain had said she would only call for them when they were needed, so he was determined to stay by her side. Even though Sai wasn't to blame, he still felt responsible for Mai's wound. He never expected such an action from Flay; Sai would never be able to make it up to her, even if he spent his whole life under her service.

Sai closed his eyes, his nose cringing at the iron smell of blood at the same time Athrun touched his side.

Athrun was unsure what was wrong, but he found himself often touching his side. It had only started a couple days previous, and the concern led him to a doctor only to discover there was nothing. A phantom injury, he was told. The idea concerned him, wondering if his sister had felt this pain before her death; the only time he would ever feel such things had been when she was hurt. Whenever one of them was hurt, the other would know no matter how far apart they were. Athrun remembered breaking his arm once when they were in school, his sister finding him in the infirmary on her break saying she felt something was wrong.

He closed the suitcase in his lap, the promotion badge having no use to the empty void in his chest. The aircraft began to lift off the ground, flashing the warning signal for passengers not to stand.

His father was waiting to see him.

* * *

_"Big brother!" she cried, the familiar blue of his hair disappearing into the trees. "Wait!"_

Mai watched the scene play in her head, a memory she did not want. Her younger self ran on the trail from the beach, the twins hurrying to make it back in time before they were scolded. They were told not to take that pass, warned it was dangerous, but the two decided to take the risk. Her younger self ran desperately, trying to hold the shells in her hand as well as keep up with her brother. She had fallen so behind, she could no longer see him.

_"Brother!" she felt the tears falling down her cheeks, panicking with each step she took. Their father would be mad if they were late, so they needed to hurry. Though she understood that, she wished her brother had stayed with her like he had promised._

The young girl slipped, her scream echoing through the trees.

_"Mai?" Athrun returned to search for his sister, not noticing she had fallen so far behind. The scream worried him, frantically looking for any sign of her. "Mai! Where are you?" His eyes caught one of the shells on the ground, another on the edge of the slope. The slope was deep, dangerous, so he gripped a tree branch as he peered down._

The scene melted away, returning Mai to her frozen nightmare. She was the same age as before, in the same city as before, but her white dress was covered in the blood that surrounded her.

A bloody knife rested at her feet. The sight of it scared her, stumbling back and slipping on the ice. She fell to the ground, burying her face in her arms as the snow licked her frozen skin.

There was no point in moving, no names for her to call. No one could save her from her prison.

The sound of the alarm woke her, but she was glad for the temporary release. She would take the pain of reality over that nightmare any day.

The situation clicked in her mind and she sprang to her feet. They were under attack. She knew not why, but it didn't matter. The ship was her responsibility; it was her job to protect it. Mai would fight until she could no longer move.

Running into the hall, she ignored the pain from her side. She was still wearing the white night gown from the infirmary, bringing attention to her as she passed. Many reached out to stop her, but she was too quick for them to grasp. There was no need for the locker room, so she ran straight into the hanger, shouts of the crew following after her.

The lift welcomed her, bringing her closer to her Ecran. She waved to the angry head mechanic as he demanded for her to stop, stepping into the cockpit.

When her Ecran sprang to life, she ignored the new worried shouts.

**"Ensign Hitamaru! You should be resting!"**

Mai shook her head as her fingers ran over the key pad. "I'm fine, Captain. Besides, you need me now more than ever, right?"

Marrue could not argue, distraught written on her face. They had lost both Kira and Mu, so she was the last defence the ship had. She paused before continuing, choosing what action to take. **"Are you sure?" **

"I am sure." She could hear Miriallia sobbing, begging her not to fight. There was nothing she could say to ease her worries.

The Archangel had already been thrown into chaos when she launched. Mai didn't need to look around to understand what was happening. Panama had never been the target. This had been the plan all along.

Alaska was going to fall.

She watched and waited, aiming at the incoming missiles. Two remained, hitting the ship on both sides of her. Mai gritted her teeth, her body thrown around in her seat.

What could she do? How could she save them?

Even with her Seed broken, she couldn't see any signs of victory.

"Captain! What do we do?"

**"There's no word from headquarters!"**

"I keep getting the same message on all four channels: All units hold your ground and defend against the enemy!"

Kuzzey's panic had her worried as well; maybe the connection had been cut, or even they were unsure what to do in such a situation. Mai's heart dropped as she shot more missiles out of the sky, a horrifying realization forming in her mind. She hoped it wasn't real, that is was just her imagination over analyzing the small details.

Mai aimed for an aircraft that was heading straight for them, but stopped when she saw the smoke. It was an Earth ship, but the communication link had been cut between them. "Captain, it's an Earth ship! Please tell everyone to move out of the way!"

**"What? It's trying for a crash landing?"**

Mai watched the aircraft disappear into the ship, the distraction long enough for her Ecran to take another hit. The warning signal flashed as she lost a large part of her energy.

**"What the hell are you doing here?" **Mai looked to her communication link at the sound of Marrue's voice, a familiar face in view besides her. The sight brought hope and a smile to Mai, forcing her mind to pay attention to the battle ahead of her.

**"Keep hanging in there kid!" **Mu ignored Marrue for a brief second to encourage Mai, knowing she needed it.

"Right!"

**"What about your transfer?"**

"That's not important! We have to get out of here right now!"

Mai jumped up, her Ecran tearing a DiNN off of the ship and to the ocean below. Two more shot at her from different directions, but she ignored both of them to knock more missiles out of the sky. The ship was her priority.

**"Listen! There's a large Cyclops system underneath headquarters; that thing is powerful enough to turn everything within ten kilometres into a blast furnace!"**

Afraid to admit it, Mai had been right.

**"It's impossible to defend the base with what's left, and the reinforcements from Panama won't make it on time! Once the main gate comes down, that's when headquarters will make their move and destroy the base!"**

"They planned to sacrifice us from the beginning." Normally her voice would have been low enough for them to hear, but her microphone picked it up as they fell quiet. The idea of what Mu had confirmed made her panic again, knowing what would be lost. "More than half of the Zaft Forces are here!"

**"It can't be!"**

"I saw it with my own eyes! The command center was completely empty. The Archangel is all that's left other than those on the base!"

Mai heard the suffering in Marrue's voice, understanding why it was so hard for her to believe what she was hearing. **"But… that's…"**

"They have no use for us, so they've thrown us away."

Mu added to her point. **"The Archangel is to put up a final battle so the enemy doesn't know it's abandoned."** **  
**  
Sobbing echoed in her cockpit, Miriallia's voice breaking Mai's concentration. **"So what? We're supposed to just be good soldiers and die like we're told?"**

"No!" Mai wouldn't allow it. She would get them to safety, no matter what it took. "Captain, please! We need to get away from here!"

Everyone waited in silence, listening to the sound of Miriallia's crying as Marrue made her decision.

**"If the object of the whole battle was to lure the Zaft forces closer in, then in my opinion this ship has already accomplished its mission! Note that I, Marrue Ramius make this decision alone, with no other crew member to take responsibility for this!"**

The DiNN's circled her, shooting at her from all angles. When one of them got too close, she managed to slice its weapon in half before knocking it off of the ship like its ally. Her shield had become useless, so she used it to knock away the final DiNN before it could fire again.

**"This ship will now abandon the battle area and begin to make its withdrawal! Signal the other ships, tell them to follow us! Engines full speed; we'll break through the left side of the bay!"**

"Need some help, kid?"

Mai managed to smile at his comment, glad that he had returned to them in this final hour. "Please! I could use some!"

Remaining on the front of the ship, Mai continued to fight as she waited for the Sky Grasper to launch. Both her Ecran and the Archangel were not faring well, and even the extra help did not ease much of the attacks. The enemy was too focused on defeating her in order to take down the Archangel.

Mai's warning signal flashed above her, a familiar mobile suit heading straight for her. Yzak and his Duel. She knocked him away from her, but he fled away on his Guul before she could shoot it down. Yzak would be no threat from the sea, and it was her only hope to keep him away.

**"Why now of all times?" **Mu flew towards him, spinning out of the way of Yzak' shots. Mai wanted to help him, worried the Duel would be too much, but Mu insisted on her to stay with the ship.

Her attention became divided again. She was surrounded by too many mobile suits to count, the ship losing altitude underneath her. The Ecran deflected one shot with its arm, rendering the limb useless. It didn't take much longer for her Ecran's colour to drain.

Mai took a breath, watching one DiNN approaching below her, heading for the command deck of the ship. Jumping down, she stood in its way, watching it raise it weapon for her cockpit. There was no way for her to block the attack.

There was no sound, just the muffle of screams and shouts. There was no colour, only the light that gathered in the shot that would end everything.

This was the end. The Ecran would take this final enemy with her, and the rest would be left to Marrue and Mu. With her death, she could only guarantee them those few seconds, but there was nothing more she could do.

Finally, she would join those important to her in the afterlife. Her brother and Kira. Tolle and Nicol.

Her mother.

Mai closed her eyes and waited for the pain to vanish. She waited, but it never came.

The sudden explosion was loud, startling her back to reality. The orange smoke cleared, the broken DiNN retreating from her. Quickly, she realized it wasn't her it was fleeing from but the new mobile suit that stood in front of her.

The sight of it froze her in place despite her instinct telling her to run. Its markings were white, black and blue with multiple wing-like features attached to its back. The new mobile suit was only slightly larger than hers, but the sight of it alone made her Ecran seem dull in comparison. When the wings spread, its span was unlike anything she had ever seen.

It was both terrifying and majestic; who was it that had saved her?

Without any energy the Ecran began to slip off the Archangel, Mai panicking to grip the ship. The stranger still frightened her, even after it gave her a boost onto the top of the ship. Three missiles were spotted to her left, managing to only shoot down one of them. Her beam Rifle was feeding off of the Archangel's power, but held no strength without her Ecran. Mai watched the stranger fire at the other two, flying back to the sky as they exploded in the air.

**"This is Kira Yamato! I'll cover you, but in the meantime please withdraw to safety!" **

Mai's breath caught in her throat. Her mind knew it was impossible, but the heart beat that echoed in her head craved for it to be true. His name escaped her lips while a few burning tears fell down her cheeks. How many days had they been desperate to fall?

**"Kira?"**

**"It is Kira!"**

**"_Our _Kira?"**

They had heard the voice too; her mind wasn't playing tricks on her. Even if she heard the truth, part of her still denied it. Was she really being allowed even a small amount of happiness? She watched his new mobile suit dance in the air, destroying the oncoming enemy's weapons.

When they had taken no action, Kira's face appeared on her communication link. **"Please stop wasting time! You have to withdraw!"**

Mai's tears fell heavier; the sight of him had her heart ready to burst. The brown hair she had grown used to seeing framed his face under his red helmet. The violet eyes she loved so much shone under the lights in his cock pit. She covered her mouth with both hands to stop herself from crying out to him.

Kira was alive.

The others seemed to be struggle with the news just as she had. Though Kira appeared on her comlink, she knew he was looking at the captain. Mai could hear the shaking in Marrue's voice. **"We know that, but… well… There's a Cyclops! Beneath headquarters! We're all just bait!" **Kira listened to her without flinching, his mobile suit effortlessly shooting DiNN's out of the sky. Each enemy fell intact, rendered useless and forced to retreat. **"They planned this; we had no idea! That's why we can't withdraw! We have to get further away from the base!"**

Kira's face changed then, the meaning dawning on him. **"I understand." **Mai's comlink alerted her that Kira's attention had finally been switched, looking at her for the first time. In the first few seconds, they stared at each other; Mai's silent sobs the only exchange. Kira smiled gently at her, eyes worried at the sight of her tears. **"Mai." **The soft way he said her name sent chills down her spine. **"Please stay with the ship. You've done well, but leave it to me."**

Unable to find her voice, all she could do was nod to show she understood. He smiled again before disconnecting their link.

**"Attention all Zaft and Earth Alliance Forces! A Cyclops System will soon activate and the Alaska base will self-destruct! Both sides please cease fire and leave this area immediately!"**

Mai watched in wonder as his mobile suit exploded with multi-coloured shots, lighting the sky as he repeated his statement. She wished more than anything at that moment she could connect with the Zaft ship and help him, but it was far out of reach for her Ecran. Kira's actions meant he was no longer fighting for one side, but to protect both. Mai found herself without time to think about it, Sai warning them about the activation of the system.

_I remember how I felt as I waved goodbye to Kira, watching him disappear with the Freedom. There was only one way the war would end, and I knew only a certain few would have been able to change the direction the world was heading. They were the ones that needed to choose what to do, what was right.  
Kira was the drop that created the ripple in the pond._

**Lacus Clyne**


	20. Entry Twenty

**AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH COLLEGE WHY YOU TAKE UP SO MUCH OF MY TIME. Also, I work 40+ hours a week, so I'm so sorry that I take so long! D:**

**Shirahane Aikawa: Is it okay to be a super, super late gift? ; ^ ; ORB is next up! And as long as I'm still writing, I am planning to continue onto Destiny! **

**Mebo1: I try! **

**Princesa de la Luna: I know this isn't long enough, but please enjoy for now! **

**Silverneira: I cry with every chapter. ;; I need my butt threatened more often, apparently. **

**Yasumi Mizuki: I have a goal, I want to write as much as possible this summer! **

**Hitomi65: Thank you! **

**Harajukudarkangel: I'll do my best! **

**Haganeochibi: :D Athrun is coming soon! Nicol and Mai's song is something I've been tossing around in my head for a while, and I think I have finally figured out what to do. :3 Ah, I noticed the formatting, but I think it's because fanfiction keeps changing and I forget to go back and change it. –sobs- About Mai's ability, there's a reason for everything. I have it all planned out, trust me. I've been trying to even it out for now, showing her limitations, but everyone will understand soon! Thank you so much for rereading!**

**Read it in 1/2 scale! It makes it look a lot better! **

* * *

"**When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future."**

**Bernard Meltzer**

* * *

**ENTRY TWENTY: GUILT**

* * *

She could feel her body grow heavier, feel it wanting to give into the pain that spread with each step that she took. She could feel it, yet she didn't care about anything other than what she saw before her.

Mai was running forward, her bare feet slipping in the mud. She clung to her white gown she was still wearing from the sick bay, worried the long fabric would trip her. Behind her, she was well aware of the group gathering outside of the Archangel, unsure of how to move forward. A few of them called after her, though she could not name who they were.

Nothing mattered. Nothing except the boy walking towards her, dressed in a Zaft uniform.

Logic screamed at her to stop, to access what was going on; to question the mobile suit in the distance or the colour of his uniform, even why he was there. _How_ he was there. The ache in her heart grew stronger than anything, pushing everything else away when she met his eyes. When she was close enough, it was like he could sense her, and they moved together in unison. Her arms wrapped around his neck in the same second his reached around her waist, his helmet forgotten when he pulled her close.

Kira held her tight, wanting so much to both laugh and cry. A gentle sob filled his ears, followed by thankful whispers repeating that he wasn't a dream. Had she really been that upset, to embrace him like that? To cry? He was relieved by his decision to return, but the guilt began to gnaw away at him. The screams of the last time they were together filled his mind, the nightmare of what Kira had done to her. He had taken Athrun away from her, and yet there she was.

After what seemed like eternity, they pulled away. The force that brought them close remained, neither of them willing to let the other go. Kira met her eyes, red and swollen from not only crying that moment. Mai started to smile, but it began to fade shortly after.

"You know, don't you." She whispered, both of them understanding what she meant. Kira wished she would smile again. The frown she wore finally brought her health to his attention; her skin was pale white, her bones showing exactly how much weight she had lost, and her eyes and hair had lost its shine. It broke him, seeing her like that.

_I did this._ He thought to himself. Kira wanted to pull her close again and hide her from the world.

"Kira!" The others were closer now, but far enough that he could tell they didn't want to interrupt. Marrue and Miriallia were at the front, mirroring the shocked faces of those behind them.

He saw Mai smile again, first at him, then in their direction. Marrue was the first to say something to him. "Kira, I'm glad you're alive! We all thought…"

Kira smiled at them, trying to joke about his timing. It lightened the mood slightly, but Kira knew he had to tell them what was important first. "I have something important to say."

Mai's grip on him loosened, pushing his hand away from her side. Confusion distracted him, until he could feel the warmth reach his skin through his glove. When he looked, the dark red on his hand left him speechless.

"Mai!" Miriallia ran forward, but Mai pushed her help away. Kira could finally see what it was; her white gown was stained on the side, blood dripping down her legs and onto the ground.

"Mai… you…" He managed, trying to reach out to help her.

Mai smiled, brushing him off just as easily. "I'm okay… It just opened up again, that's all."

"She was shot." Kira looked up to the speaker, watching Sai make his way through the crowd that had grown around them. He said his friend's name quietly, worried about their relationship. Sai nodded to him, before reaching out to Mai. She was hesitant at first, but took his help. They looked at each other for a moment, something unspoken passing between them. The interaction tugged at Kira, wondering what could have made them so close in such a short time.

How was she injured? Who had hurt her? Why did she let Sai support her, instead of himself? He watched Mai whisper something and Sai responded with a nod, happiness and regret mixed in his eyes.

"Kira… I'm really glad you're alive."

The unease Kira felt vanished, his eyes locking with Mai's for just a second. It was a short misunderstanding; his relationship with Sai had been lost before his 'death', and he could see it was time to start anew.

"Yeah. I'm sorry." He reached out and rested a hand on Sai's shoulder. "Thank you, Sai."

He turned to Mai again, worried about her. The wounded girl shook her head. "I'll be fine. You have something to say, right? Sai and Mir will bring me inside. And then, as I'm sure, we all have a lot to talk about."

* * *

Athrun stared at the destruction, unable to tear his eyes away from what he saw.

Once, this manor was a place of peace. A place that no matter what mood he was in, how upset he was, he could go and have those problems vanish with a simple cup of tea.

He remembered once when his sister had her heart broken by a boy. Rarely had Athrun seen her that upset, refusing to leave her room and spending her nights in tears. Athrun had found her a few days later, sitting with Lacus and her robotic pets, drinking tea with a huge smile. This place could once cure them in a blink, and all of it was gone.

The manor lay in ruin; windows smashed, furniture ripped apart, and the once beautiful garden utterly destroyed.

There was no way Lacus and her father had been the enemy, they were far too kind. Despite that, Athrun couldn't fight what his father had said or the proof he had seen.

Lacus, giving a powerful mobile suit to a spy.

Sighing, he tore his eyes away from the roses in front of him, only to catch a glimpse of pink moving around in a bush.

"I won't accept that!" the small machine chanted, jumping towards Athrun so he could catch it in his hands. The wrap around his neck was to keep his arm steady, making it awkward to hold the little thing. "I'm fine! And so are you!"

Like someone had flipped a switch, something came to him, causing him to turn and run from the building. He knew exactly where to go.

"The night time fills the sky."

The familiar song echoed through the hall as Athrun stepped inside an hour later, his breath catching in his throat. He had been right; Lacus was at the Symphony Hall, the theatre where both she and his sister had their first concerts. That night was to be her latest concert; one he knew had been requested of her in memory of her friend. 'White Symphony'.

"_They want me to sing for her, something for her fans and mine to say goodbye._" She had explained, so many months ago. "_I'm sure though, once she returns, she'll have such a laugh at the thought._"

He hesitated at the entrance, the rain soaking his suit with each moment as he stared at the ripped banners. Like the manor, the hall had not been spared in the mad rush to find Lacus Clyne. The theme was simple, the banners and signs decorated with designs of beautiful white roses.

Mai had loved the white roses the most, finding meaning in them Athrun had never understood. Maybe it was a reminder of their mother, who had always presented them with roses from the old home. Or maybe it was simply something she developed on her own, begging Lacus to use a part of her garden so she could grow them herself. Mai had been very bad at the task, but with help from her pink haired friend, for years they managed to keep them healthy.

"Stars alive, go floating by. So still the evening air, so warm and soft, is everywhere."

Holding the little pink robot in his left hand, still in the sling, he pulled a pistol from under his shirt, unsure of what to expect. If Lacus was really his enemy he needed to confront her, no matter how much it would hurt.

With that, he began to move forward.

"I see a world in harmony. A world of peace and humanity."

As Athrun walked towards the main hall, the girl he had been searching for came into his view, sitting on a prop that was on the stage, the light shining down from above.

"Where people walk free, like water in a stream. Flowing on, forever more."

Athrun knew this song, knew it more than any other the two of them sang. He knew it the most, because they had written it together. Years ago, when Mai had finally gained in popularity and his fiancé had her debut, his sister had proposed a joined concert. The idea had been a success, and the two had closed with this song. A duet, in two languages. Both lyrics were different, holding the same meaning yet different at the same time. They had done this on purpose, using their own takes in the song. Both versions had become just as popular.

"The breeze softly blows, it's crisp and warm; so sweet I know."

"_Athrun!_" He remembered Mai calling to him, showing him her music sheet. "_Isn't it pretty?"_ The robot cat had mewed in response, causing his sister to smile. "_See? I knew it! Let's go show Lacus!"_

"Upon my cheek, I can feel tenderly a kiss so real."

Another memory, a day among cherry blossoms. Two friends standing across from each other, not moving or saying a word, with his sister standing to the side. Mai had been shaking, trying so hard to keep her tears to herself as he said his goodbye to his friend.

"Like a brush of a hand that I cannot see. The sound of the voice deep inside of my heart."

The closer his steps brought him to the girl, the more he could picture, imagining the day he had met Kira on ORB after Birdy had brought them together. The day Nicol had died, the sight of his music sheets scattered on the floor.

"So I dream of a new day coming, for all the world to see."

Lastly, how he had felt at the last fight with Kira, anger and determination driving him. What would Mai have said, if she could see how he had changed?

"Lift your eyes and see a new day dawning. A dream that will soon come true, the day we've waited for."

Cagalli's words echoed in his head, together with his sister's. _"Someone's killed for killing another. Then that guy is killed for killing him! How is that kind of twisting thinking ever going to bring us peace?!"_

"Lift your heart and see the future for us all. The river is our witness as it flows, forever more."

Finally he reached the stage, gentle sobbing filling his memories. "_Promise me you'll never die." _Mai had cried years ago, kneeling in front of the new memorial made for their late mother. Athrun's tears had long stopped, but it seemed like hers were never going to end. Her face was hidden behind her shorter hair, sticking to her body as they remained in the rain long after everyone had left. "_I can't lose you too. I can't._" Even their father had left before them, talking to some business men as he went. "_It hurts so much!" _

"As it flows, as it flows forever more."

"No problem!"

The pink machine in his hands jumped up, gaining her attention at last and ending her song. She smiled when it jumped into her arms. "Well hello there, Mr. Pink! I was certain you would be the one to bring him back to me. Thank you very much."

Athrun became frustrated with her greeting, acting like there was nothing wrong with her current situation, even as she sat surrounded by destruction. "Why, Lacus?"

"Why what?" she replied, the smile not leaving her face.

Climbing onto the stage in one quick jump, he could feel his grip tighten around his gun. "Explain yourself. What have you done?"

"I'm sure you've already heard about it." The way she tilted her head seemed so innocent that Athrun just wanted to scream. "That's why you came to see me, isn't it?"

"Is it true what they're saying about you?" he finally snapped, unable to hold it in any longer. "That you're guilty of providing assistance to an enemy spy? How could you do that?"

"I did not provide assistance to an enemy spy." Her response was quick, but her smile had fallen and he could tell she was serious. It was confusing to him, between this and the evidence against her. Lacus smiled again, noticing the uncertainty on Athrun's face. "All I did was provide Kira –" she said his name slowly, emphasizing to make sure he would hear it right. "-with a newer, better sword.

"Because I felt that he had need of it now, and it would ultimately serve its purpose best in Kira's hands."

"Kira?" The name burned his tongue, leaving an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. "What are you talking about, Lacus? Kira is gone! I-"

"Killed him with your own hands?" Athrun stepped away from her, surprised at her words. How had she known that? "Don't look so worried. It's true; Kira's still alive."

"You're lying!" Athrun raised his weapon to her, but couldn't stop himself from shaking. "What kind of trick are you trying to pull now, _Lacus Clyne_? What you're saying is crazy!" Even his voice shook, unsure of how to feel. There was no possible way his friend was still alive, yet Lacus was smiling without falter. He looked away from her, unable to look at her smile any longer. "It's impossible! There's no way he could be alive!"

"Reverend Malchio found him unconscious and brought him to me. Then I learned what happened between you two. Kira told me. Don't you believe what I'm telling you? Or are you so determined to believe he is dead, just like you are with Mai?"

Athrun eyes widened, turning to face her again. The smile was gone now, and the serious Lacus had returned. What could she possibly mean by bringing Mai into this? He watched as her mouth began to open to let her continue.

* * *

Kira watched as Mai's chest rose and fell, just returning from talking with Marrue and the others. The only other sign was the beeping of the machine she was connected to. The IV bag sounded beside him, but he was unsure how much having the medicine in her bloodstream would help. Coordinators usually rejected such things, so surely this situation was no different. He had been told Miriallia had donated her blood, yet Mai's body refused to take it in. Kira had offered her own blood to donate, but their types didn't match.

Sighing, he wished there was some way for him to help her, blaming himself for her state. He felt better after talking to the others about his goals, hoping to have them agree instead of returning to the Earth Alliance.

As he reached out to remove a stray strand from her face, the door opened and gave him a start, pulling his hand back.

"Birdy!" He heard, even before he turned to see who had entered.

Sai smiled from the doorway, wondering if it was okay to take a step inside. "It stayed with me sometimes, when you were gone. Mostly when she was asleep." He motioned towards the sick girl. "We felt a bit uneasy about turning it off, so we didn't."

Kira stood and faced his friend, glad they were able to talk to each other. "Thank you, Sai, for taking care of them."

"Yeah." Sai muttered softly, his smile dropping as he turned to leave.

"Sai! Listen!" Kira's call stopped him, worried he had said something to offend the older boy. There were a few questions running in his mind, and he took a second to decide what to ask first. "Where is Flay?"

"She was transferred off the ship at Alaska, along with Commander La Flaga and Lieutenant Badgiruel." He started after some hesitation, eyeing Mai before he spoke. The motion didn't go unnoticed to Kira. "Although the Commander came back, the others aren't on board anymore."

"I see."

Sai felt himself breaking the promise he had made to Mai when he had helped her back to the infirmary.

"_Don't tell Kira about what Flay did."_ She had begged. "_He doesn't need to worry about it."_

"I was… very upset when I heard you had died." Kira raised his head, and their eyes met. "So I am overjoyed to see you alive and well, and back on board! But, why is it always like this with you?! You're so different! I'm nothing like you!" Sai hated the difference, wishing they could have been equal for once in their lives. His fists were clenched, and they were beginning to shake. Now he was only angry at himself for allowing such a gap between them. "Watching you, I always end up feeling miserable… I can't help it!"

"But Sai, you're better than me in many ways. There are lots of things you can do, that I can't."

Sai smiled sadly, glad to hear those words. It would be something they would work through, together as friends. Kira caught him looking at Mai again, and started to question him when he began to talk again. "I'm sorry, there was one thing I couldn't do. I couldn't protect her, even when she had helped me so much and I owe her for many things."

"What do you mean, Sai?" Kira questioned, not liking the turn the situation was going.

"I couldn't protect Mai. Not even from Flay."

Kira's eyes widened, his heart pounding in his head. "What?" He was barely able to manage. "Flay did this?"

Sai sighed and walked towards them, watching his friend stare at the wounded girl in horror. "Mai was protecting the prisoner, since that Buster pilot was in here before he was moved. Mirialla had gotten really upset when she saw him, but I could only stop her from doing something. Flay somehow got hold of a gun, and wanted to use it against the pilot."

"Mai stepped in the way." It wasn't a question. Sai knew Kira understood Mai more than anyone on that ship, so it didn't surprise him that he figured it out.

Kira blamed himself even more, forgetting how much Flay had said she hated Coordinators, hoping that he had been the one exception. Had that been so wrong, that she would even attack Mai? Sitting once again in his chair, he wondered about her wound. Last time the girl had been hurt badly, back in the desert, he had been told how quickly she had recovered, an unnatural amount of time even for a Coordinator. This time, as the doctor explained to him, she had 'refused' to heal in a sense, and her body wouldn't allow her enough time to stop the bleeding. Normally the body would heal the skin first, so unnecessary blood would not be lost.

After the death of her brother, had she wanted to die so badly? His grip tightened on his clothing, frustration building within. He couldn't do anything but watch her heal.

"Kira, I'm –"

"Kira…" Mai's voice had interrupted Sai's words. Despite her voice being so soft, both boys had been startled and gave her their full attention. "I'm sorry…"

"Sorry?" Kira repeated. "You have nothing to apologize for."

Her tired eyes were open now, looking at him with little energy. "I couldn't… couldn't remember. And when I did, it was too late."

A few tears fell from her eyes, and Kira wondered what she meant. Had she forgotten him? Kira had just assumed she had been hiding it from him the entire time.

"You need sleep, I'll be here. Let's talk when you wake up." Kira moved to wipe her tears, watching her try to smile in return. She whispered something even softer than her words, before closing her eyes again and drifting back into sleep.

"_It was an amazing scene between them, and I couldn't help but wonder.  
At what point does one realize they're in love, that they are meant for each other? As much as it hurt to watch, there was no way anything could get in their way. Nothing except for themselves.  
They were like two halves of the some whole, even long before they realized it."_

_Sai Argyle_

* * *

**Please review~! Athrun's coming up next! **


	21. Entry Twenty One

**Blitz12: :D Soon soon soon! Here's another one~ I'll send you some details soon about the Ecran, but it's real late right now and I want to post this so badly!**

**Hitomi65: Thank you! **

**xXFallenSakuraXx52: I did it! I'm sorry I make you impatient, but thank you for being so faithful! I'll be writing the next one as soon as I can!**

**Shirahane Aikawa: I'm so sorry I fail at updating. Orz I can promise two things; obviously no KXL, and no AXC either! ;P I never really understood Shinn and Luna either, but I have a plan for that as well. Please keep being demanding! It really does help me write! I have to remember I'm not just writing this story for me. :3 **

**Read it in 1/2 scale! It makes it look a lot better!**

* * *

**"That was the thing. You never get used to it, the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it's reconciled, accepted, someone points it out to you, and it just hits you all over again, that shock."**

**Sarah Dressen**

* * *

**ENTRY TWENTY ONE: CHOICE**

* * *

Miriallia paused in the hallway, eyeing the bars of the cells carefully and tightening the grip on the tray in her hands. When she had questioned the kitchen staff about the only plate of food left, knowing that Sai had just left to bring the wounded girl her own, Mir had been told that the only one left was the prisoner. The worker had admitted to forgetting, explaining how Mai was the only one who would take the meals to him.

Deciding to take her place she had grabbed the food, knowing that her friend would be worried about it the moment she woke up. Now however, she almost regretted the decision.

"Meal's ready." She mumbled when she finally reached his cell. The enemy pilot lifted his head to here as she slide the tray inside. "It's been a little hectic. Sorry for the delay."

A moment passed as the boy stared at her, and she could feel her own annoyance growing even before their eyes made contact. "What is it?"

The boy sighed and scratched the back of his head. "Ah, nothing. I guess I'm just surprised to see you're the one that brought it here, honey. After what happened."

"Honey!" Miriallia cried at him with hateful shock. The girl was so frustrated by his presence she wished she could just open the door and kick him.

Realizing what he had said, Dearka raised his hands in front of his body. "Sorry! I meant no insult ma'am."

She huffed, turning her eyes away from him. "My name is Miriallia. Don't call me ma'am either. I'm only here because Mai is still recovering."

"Is she okay?" Miriallia could hear the worry in his voice, deciding to tell him the truth about the situation. Mai knew him personally, she had learned, so maybe he wasn't as bad as she felt. Yet, she could still never forgive him for Tolle.

"She's moving around now, and the wound is finally starting to heal."

"That's good." The relief in his voice was strong, causing her to look at him again. He smirked, and she was suddenly weary of what he was about to say. "So, does that mean I can call you by your name?"

"No!" She snapped, turning quickly to leave. Miriallia would be happy if she never had to talk to him again.

* * *

Mai tilted her head, unable to tear her eyes away from the sight before her.

The ZGMF-X10A Freedom.

Leaning on the railing of the pilots bridge, she still felt her Ecran was extremely inferior to the majestic machine, even though its power was off. How had Kira come across such a thing? Did Zaft create it? Were there more to worry about?

With so many unanswered questions, Mai tried to think of possible answers while she began to hum to herself.

Apparently, the Archangel had arrived in ORB earlier that morning. She had overheard the staff, after a while of being curious why no one paid her any attention. She was grateful for it however, since it allowed her the freedom to move around without getting caught. Miriallia had yet to find her. The girl would be furious.

Truth was, Mai was feeling a little better. Well enough, at least, to be wearing her normal pink uniform and to be walking around like nothing was wrong. Mentally however, she wondered if she'd ever recover. She pulled the locket out from under her shirt, hesitating to look inside. Kira was alive. It seemed almost impossible that Athrun was not.

"He's alive, you know."

Mai raised her head to the source, startled by both the words and who it was. Kira had been unsure whether to approach her as he listened to her voice, knowing now what that locket truly meant. He began to explain when he realized how confused she was. "Cagalli told me while you were asleep. That island; ORB had gone looking for survivors, and he was the only one they found."

Kira watched as her tears immediately began to fall, even though it seemed she had yet to process the information.

"Alive!" she managed out, wiping the tears away before Kira could himself. They showed no sign of stopping. "Thank goodness!"

Kira found himself smiling at her new happiness, glad he could be the one to tell her. Would she ever forgive him, for trying to take her brother away in the first place?

"What about you? Who found you?" she questioned quickly, wanting to know everything all at once. Not matter how she tried, she couldn't stop crying. "How did you end up with Zaft?"

Mai paused and looked to him through her tears. "I'm sorry, that's too much at once."

Still smiling, Kira shook his head. He decided that it was safe to close the distance between them, a simple metre feeling like the other side of Earth. He reached out, again wiping the tears away like he had in the infirmary. Kira felt as her arms rested on his, as neither of them wanted to move away.

"Reverend Malchio found me, and brought me to the PLANTs, to Lacus Clyne." Mai's eyes widened at the name, surprised to hear it from him. "When I told her I wanted to return, she gave me the Freedom, so I'd have the power to make a difference. That's why, I'm not going back to the Earth Forces, and I won't fight for Zaft."

"Does Lacus know?" Kira didn't have to ask in order to understand what she wanted to know.

Kira explained how he had seen her on the television, one of her last concerts. He had told Lacus, but she was the only one. Mai's heart tore at itself; if Lacus knew, and Athrun was alive, would she have told him? Does he know now that she had been the second pilot the entire time? Would he be furious, or would there be guilt? Would he feel betrayed? Her tears were slowing, but she released a small whimper from her lips.

She wanted to see Athrun so much.

Kira's smile fell, remembering what else he had wanted to do when they met. "_Murderer!"_ she had once screamed at him, but it was only so much later that he understood.

"I'm sorry." She looked to him again, brows furrowing with confusion. "For what I did to Athrun. For… killing the other pilot as well. You knew him, didn't you."

"Nicol." It was Kira's turn to be confused. Her sobbing resumed, but he didn't know what to say to calm her. "His name was Nicol! His big sister is one of my dear friends! And he… he loved the piano!"

Mai was unsure why she felt like Kira needed to know those things; maybe because it felt he needed to understand Nicol as a person rather than just being an enemy. "I met him only once, but I miss him so much!"

Once, months before, Mai had held Kira as he cried, tried to ease his pain after so much life had been lost and he had felt helpless. He swallowed the lump in his throat, deciding to take the risk and pull her close. He was so sure she would deny the contact that it scared him. There was nothing else he could think to do to ease her sorrow.

Mai's small frame was shaking, arms on his chest. "I don't blame you. I just… I hate it. We're losing so much!"

Moments passed like that, and when Mai had finally stopped, Kira regretfully let her pull away. A small smile brightened her face as the last of her tears slipped down her cheeks.

"Kira! Mai!" They turned at the sound of their names, seeing Cagalli running onto the bridge towards them. The blond was still catching her breath when the two of them finally separated, the end not going unnoticed by the newcomer. She knew full well how the two must have been feeling, so she was glad she didn't interrupt a more critical moment. "My father is calling a meeting, and he wants to see you two. There's something he wants to show you."

* * *

"A Cyclops system?" Lord Uzumi sighed. "Details of the enemy invasion had been leaked to them. It seems like a rather extreme course of action to take."

Mai fiddled uncomfortably in her seat, wishing she had been allowed to stand beside everyone else rather than sitting beside Marrue.

When she had entered the room, and Cagalli had gone to introduce her to her father, the man had simply smiled and shook his head. Apparently, he and Mai's mother had known each other for a long time before she was born, and the two children had met on one of Lenore's visits. Uzumi had rested a hand on the top of her head when he told her.

More than anything, she did not like being treated differently. Even Cagalli had decided to take a soldiers stance beside Kira.

"However, you can't deny that they destroyed more than eighty percent of ZAFT's forces in a single blow." Ledonir Kisaka stated from Mai's left. She could tell the man was watching her, even as she gripped her skirt to prevent herself from saying something out of line. "To the people who planned this, it was just a logical calculation and sacrificing unwanted forces to accomplish this was simply an added bonus."

Unwanted forces. They had meant to be thrown away like they were old tools that no longer served a purpose. The thought twisted her stomach and her side was burning.

Lord Uzumi nodded, using the remote in his hand to turn on the television to Mai's right. "Here's the result."

About a minute into watching the man on the screen speak, Mai found herself covering her mouth in shock.

Death. He was glorifying death, showing hospitals full of soldiers and those revolting against governments. One shot was a man covered in blood, the nurse by his side trying to stop his bleeding. The next, a violent group protesting on the other side of the camera, one holding a sign with 'Kill the patch worker!' written in red.

"I understand why it's happening, but it's still hard to swallow." Mu grumbled behind her. Mai knew she must not be the only one who felt terrible after seeing such a thing.

"To go along with the tone of this message," Uzumi gained their attention back to him, turning the television back off, "the Atlantic Federation has been increasing its political pressure on all the neutral nations. They're being told that any state that refuses to join this new alliance or be considered an enemy nation. Of course, our own ORB is no exception."

"They just want to get their hands on ORBs power." Mai considered Cagalli's words, picturing the mobile suits in her mind. It was possible, considering how long ORB had been its own country.

"I'm sure you're all aware of this, but our nation does not refuse entry to Coordinators. We are one of the few countries that will allow anyone to enter and reside inside our borders as long as they honor the laws of our state. We believe no one should be judged by whether or not their genes have been engineered."

Mai wonder briefly about her last trip to ORB, an emergency involving one of her close friends. The short brunette she had met in Copernicus City had been in an accident with her adopted parents, and she had been the only survivor. Ami Hitamaru had been the youngest of the five girls, and her blood type was rare. Junari had been the first to call Mai to inform her, since she was one of the few who shared blood. Later that day she had arrived with Shaina and Junari, while Ritska had joined them a few days later. It wasn't a fond memory, but ORB was Ami's home, and Mai wanted to protect it.

Uzumi continued. "The only thing that labeling someone as either Coordinator or Natural does is create friction between people. Cagalli is a Natural. Kira, of course, is a Coordinator." Mai turned her head slightly, smiling at Cagalli's embarrassed face as attention was called to her. "These are facts we have absolutely no control over."

"You're right, sir."

"I cannot support the policies of the Atlantic Federation, because it labels every Coordinator as evil, and an enemy. Insisting on attacking them for that biased reason alone. Who is really fighting who here? Who is the real reason behind it?"

"My father thinks like that." Mai mumbled out loud on accident. When she realized she had, she felt the need to elaborate on her meaning. "There can't be a solution if both sides think the same, and automatically make the other out as evil, because they're not the same."

Uzumi nodded. "Which is exactly where we find ourselves, torn between them."

"But sir, I understand the point of what you're saying. Excuse me for arguing," Mai turned her head again to look at Mu as he spoke. "Isn't your position a little idealistic? Those all sound like wonderful ideas, but Coordinators will continue to look down on Naturals and in turn Naturals will be envious of Coordinators. That's just the way things are."

"Not for everyone."

Mu looked at her, smiling apologetically when he noticed he must have offended her.

"I am aware of that. It goes without saying that this nation has difficulty living up to this. However, if we gave up on trying to improve the situation then in the end we'd be left with no other choice to eliminate each other. At that point it would be too late to do anything except for regret ad reflect the past.

"My friends, you wouldn't suggest that we keep silent just because that's what the rest of the world is doing, would you? With this, you can choose your own course in life. I can understand if you still feel loyalty to those whose uniform you wear. You are all young and capable, so make your decisions carefully. Be sure to choose your future wisely."

"What's your view on this, Lord Uzumi?" Kira questioned. This time Mai didn't turn, but instead continued to watch Uzumi Nara Atha as he went to answer.

The older man sighed. "I believe we are entering a time where our swords can no longer be just a display."

* * *

"You're paler than before, and you've lost weight."

Mai couldn't believe what she was seeing; found it impossible for her to be lectured by the woman in front of her. Golden eyes were bright, and her long brown hair was tied into a braid. Dressed in the familiar ORB uniform, the woman tapped the top of Mai's head with her clipboard.

"But you're alive, and that's all that matters. Not that I thought you were, I knew it had to be a mistake."

"Junari." Mai said at last, still shocked at what she was seeing. "How… why are you here?"

Erika Simmons had called them, wanting to show something. Mai had been walking with Kira and Cagalli, Marrue and Mu ahead of them and Erica leading the way, when the older friend had come into view from a connecting corridor.

Junari smiled, but Erica Simmons answered for her. "We've been trying to hire Ms. Tobermory for years for her experience, but she's only agreed to it recently. I take it you know each other?"

"We went to the same school, where we've been friends since." Mai wondered as her friend talked, what exactly she had experience impressive enough to catch ORB's eyes. "Forgive me though, I didn't mean to take any time."

"Not at all. You should come along, since you've taken a major role in what I'm about to show them."

Mai felt her heart skip when she finally saw it, running ahead of the group to take a better look to make sure it was real. Shortly she was joined by Kira, and the two continued to stare in awe.

"Now that you're back, I feel like I should return it to you." Erica Simmons was smiling as she watched the two react.

In front of them stood a massive mobile suit, a familiar sight that had been engraved in their minds for so long. The color was dull, but Mai could close her eyes and picture the blue and red burst to life. Seeing it whole again made everything seem only like a dream and brought tears to her eyes.

"After the repairs were done, we had Ms. Tobermory install the operating system for Naturals." Erica explained, the woman in question smiled again and shrugged it off like it was nothing. "We decided on it because… well, we figured someone else would be piloting it."

"The OS designed for Naturals?" Mu questioned, just as in awe as the rest of them.

Mai tried to listen to what they were saying, she really did, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from the Strike. Even later, when Junari had to pull her along and explained what she had missed, she found herself unable to say anything as she watched the two suits sparring with the other.

Kira in the Freedom, and Mu La Flaga in the Strike.

"They're remarkable machines, aren't they." She heard Junari whisper.

Even still, she couldn't find her voice.

* * *

Junari tapped her fingers on the clipboard in her hands, quickly eyeing the blue haired girl fast asleep in the bed behind her. The information she received from the ship's ex-doctor was unbelievable, yet even after the fifth time reading through something began to bother her. She had heard about this before, when their youngest friend had needed a blood transfusion. The small wounds had healed in days, the larger ones following, and the recovery speed had baffled the doctors. Junari had still been a medical student then, and would never have thought Mai's blood would be the cause.

The printed DNA image on the top corner was unlike anything she had ever seen. It worried her, causing her to chew on her bottom lip. Coordinators didn't become sick, yet on the report was written several instances where her younger friend had become ill; fever, headaches, and even cases of severe vomiting. It wasn't normal, and she was suddenly determined to find the answers to the questions that continued to build.

When she had asked the doctor for his report, he had gladly sacrificed his office to her expense. He explained how he was staying with ORB, where his wife and child were, since it was unknown if the Archangel was remaining with the Earth Forces.

"_These Coordinators were too much of a headache."_ The man had mumbled, dark eyes tired from the journey the ship must have made. _"But they are good kids, so make sure they get someone who can help them better than I can."_

Junari hadn't hesitated in her decision, meeting with Marrue Ramius as soon as she was able. From there, she had visited Erica Simmons in order to word her request, as well as to apologize. There was no way she was letting the Archangel go without her, not when her friend was alive. Whatever side they chose was good enough; Mai hadn't been the oldest, but she was always the natural leader of the group. With a single smile, she could brighten a room. With a single word, she could send a shiver down their spines. The brunette had heard many speeches from the girl before, and she would always render the room speechless with her words. She wondered briefly if she had drawn in her fans with more than just her look and voice, but her words as well.

Sighing heavily, Junari locked the clipboard inside the desk and locked the drawer when she heard footsteps down the hall. It surprised her when the door opened, and violet eyes met her own.

The boy blinked at her before seeing the shape resting in the bed, and she watched his eyes soften. "She just fell asleep, so please don't wake her."

Kira Yamato – she was glad she remembered him from years ago, her last year at the school with everyone – nodded, unable to tear his eyes away from her sleeping figure. "She looks better."

Junari blinked at his words, watching the boy with interest. The look he was giving her with those soft eyes was something she had seen many times before. Her fathers' adoring eyes every time he would look at her mother; her older brother's loving gaze when he would hold his fiancé, laughing and rubbing her stomach.

Love.

It took her a moment to pull herself back from the thought in order to answer the unasked question. "Her wounds have finally started to close, so she's not losing too much blood anymore. I've tried giving her some pain killers in her system, but I'm not surprised she's rejecting it. She'll most likely wake soon; she's not the type to allow herself even a moment of rest."

"Not when she could be helping someone else." Kira's voice had been so quiet, Junari wondered if she had even heard him right.

Junari sighed, straightening her uniform after standing. "I'll go let Ms. Marrue know the situation. When she wakes up, make sure she eats something. She hasn't been eating properly, and I doubt she'll think about it now."

Kira didn't need someone else to tell him what he already knew, but he nodded his head to the woman and watched her leave.

The chair beside Mai's bed was still in the same spot, as if waiting for him to take his place by her side. Once he did, he noticed the small figure under her bed. The black robot cat tilted its head, before slowly crawling out from its place. It stared at him for a moment before jumping onto the desk, keeping watch on him and flicking his tail. The machine made Kira smile, the actions and likeliness was remarkable, just the same as his own gift.

Kira allowed his mind to wonder, content with how peaceful the blue haired girl seemed in her sleep. What was she dreaming about? He wished he knew.

The Ecrans' repairs were close to being finished, but the damage it had taken was something he felt guilty for. If he had returned sooner, she wouldn't have had to protect the ship so desperately. At least once it was complete again, it would give her a tool to follow her own choices. He wouldn't have been able to argue with her if she said she wanted to continue fighting.

The Strike had returned, but it was an odd feeling knowing that it no longer belonged to him. Kira was currently taking a break from teaching Mu what he knew might help him. In a few moments, he knew he had to return. His break had been the older man's idea; he had caught him many times distracted and told him to see how she was. He hated leaving in the middle of the task, yet he understood how much he was dying to see her condition.

Kira sighed, deciding it was time to return. He would have to get Miriallia to make sure the blue haired girl ate something when she woke in his place.

* * *

Miriallia watched her friend eat, concern written on her face.

Less than thirty minutes prior, Mir had panicked when entering the hospital room. Her friend had started screaming right before she had opened the door, thrashing under her sheets and almost ripping the needles from her arms. Holding her down had barely worked, and neither had calling out to her at first. The sight had brought tears to her eyes, and after an eternity of struggling Mai had shocked herself awake, her own tears mixed with Miriallia's as they fell from her face. The broken girl was the one to be comforted afterword, sobbing about the sight and was afraid of not knowing what to do.

Mai had started humming to calm her even when her own shaking hadn't stopped. As they sat in the cafeteria, her humming had continued, and she was smiling between bites. Miriallia had tried to bring up the conversation again, but her blue haired friend had only smiled and changed the subject.

When they were finished eating, Sai had found them to let them know Marrue had called them to the pilot's deck, and they left together.

* * *

Mai stood in the shadows of the empty room, thinking about what had happened.

Her nightmares were worse, even though Kira had returned alive. The thought that Miriallia had seen her like that was heartbreaking and she wouldn't be able to avoid the conversation forever. Recalling the dream had her side throbbing in pain and she began to hum again to distract herself. There was a constant feeling like something was wrong, a missing piece to a puzzle she didn't understand.

Marrue had given the crew her ultimatum. The Earth Alliance was demanding ORB to join them, which ORB refused in return. A fleet was on the move, so fighting was unavoidable. The Archangel, along with the Freedom, would remain and defend the country. It was up to each member of the crew to decide, and Mai had already made her choice before hearing the options.

She had already dedicated her life to the Archangel, that wasn't going to change. Her Ecran would defend the ship to the best of its abilities.

Out of everyone, only eleven people had taken the choice to leave. Kuzzey was one. Mai didn't know him well, but when she had met him with Sai in the hallway she had hugged the boy and wished him luck, thanking him for all of his help.

"_Let's meet again after this is over, okay?" _she had said to the flustered boy. "_I'll be looking forward to it."_

Mai sighed, finding herself suddenly concerned with her mobile suit. Leaving the abandoned room behind, she stepped into the hallway and headed for the deck. It had only taken a minute before she heard her name and turned to the source. The sight had startled her; a panting boy holding a Zaft uniform in a clenched fist.

"It's good to see you're okay."

Mai smiled at Dearka, happy to see that he was alright. Miriallia had confessed to be the one bringing him food, to Mai's surprise. It had been her that brought the idea to Marrue; the Archangel was going into battle, but not under the Earth Alliance. Dearka was a Zaft pilot, they no longer had a need to keep him.

"There're… kicking me off of the ship."

"That's good, isn't it? You're free to go."

Dearka frowned, taking a moment to decide his question. "What should I do?"

"I can't answer that for you, you know that." Mai's smile didn't falter as she watched the confusion grow in his eyes. "You have to decide that for yourself. You have to decide what _you_ believe in, what _you_ are fighting for."

She watched as he scratched the back of his head, still unsure. "What about you?"

What about her? What exactly had she decided? What exactly did she want to do, even after this fight? Would they even survive?

"I will stay, and I will fight. Not for anyone else, but for myself. Because I have people that I want to protect, more than anything. I won't lose anyone else. I won't let anyone else die.

"My place is here, and I will do whatever I can to end this war, even if my efforts die out in vain."

Dearka said nothing, only nodded before turning to leave. Mai turned and walked the other way, smile still on her face and holding her locket between her fingers.

"_I remember thinking back then, how much I wished I could cry and scream at the world to give my brother back. Just the one thing, and I would never ask for anything again. I had to be strong, like he was, and focus on what was coming next. To live on with everything he ever taught me, and the memory of how much I loved him.  
Even after I knew he was alive, I wanted nothing more than to hold him close to me, to never let him go again so we never had to feel such pain.  
I don't think any of us could have predicted what had happened next."_

Mai Zala

* * *

**Whoot! Athrun will be in the next one, I promise! **


End file.
